Sunday, February 25, 2007

Willing to trade in kind.

The other day, the concept of polyamory came up in a conversation. I'd never even heard of it. Later that afternoon, I was editing a column about that very subject.

My first thought: Who has the time?

My second thought: Who can manage to find even ONE significant other, much less multiples?

Actually, one of the subjects offers a pretty astute quote at the end of the column: "Attention is the currency of relationships."

And I have been broke for far too long.

-------------


The new issue of Garden Design popped into my mailbox yesterday -- an exuberant, orange daisy bursting out of this gray, gloomy February. Full of green-lined Paris pathways and vertical gardens climbing up skyscraper walls and lush, tropical Indonesian foliage.

Went to bed curled up under an extra blanket, ignoring the wet white piling up outside, dreaming instead of a new bleeding heart with golden leaves, rows of agaves on a bed of gravel ... wishing I could make a garden to fit each of my personalities ...

-------------

All that '80s music the other night compels me to create the soundtrack I'd want were I suddenly to have a high-school flashback (which I really hope I don't):

How Soon Is Now / The Smiths
Just Like Heaven / The Cure (actually, this may have been college freshmen year?)
My Shadow in Vain / Gary Numan & Tubeway Army
Add It Up / Violent Femmes
People Who Died / Jim Carroll Band
Celia / the Motels
Mexican Radio / Wall of Voodoo
I Want You Back / Hoodoo Gurus
Skidmarks on My Heart / the Go-Go's
Ramona / the Ramones
The New World / X
What I Like About You / the Romantics (yes, I know, but ... )
Shout / Otis Day and the Knights ("Animal House?" Hellooo?)
A Million Miles Away / Plimsouls
I Want Candy / Bow Wow Wow
Destination Unknown / Missing Persons
Sex (I'm A ...) / Berlin
Can't Stand Losing You / the Police (angsty, much?)
I Melt With You / Modern English (oh, come ON ... it HAS to be here ... )

-------------

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Is that really you in the garden? :o)

Hmm. Relationships. My mom and I were talking about those this morning. And funny you mention it, your name did come up. I'll have to tell you more later. (See doesn't that intrigue you and make you want to call and talk to me?)

Lincoln Writer said...

hellyeah, that's me! 'Specially after I cut my hair and dye it red.

That *is* intriguing! (Why *my* name would come up in the context of "relationships" is a mystery to me!) I'm writing like a maniac (Nigeria project) but will indeed call to catch up! Love to you and your mom ...

BlankPhotog said...

I recently used "frozen tundra" to describe my love life... Poly-popsicles! But we have the same reactions: It's just too much. Don't we have a hard time fitting even one more SO into our lives? What's with these people who can fit a ton of folk into theirs, do they not have jobs or hobbies or something? Didn't we used to just have friends, or friends with benefits? Is this just an intermediate stage between single and betrothed? Wuzzup?

Lincoln Writer said...

My personal opinion is they are afraid to truly commit their heart to any one person.

Chickenshits ...

Anonymous said...

I just read a book on the subject (fascinating; two thumbs up; recommend) and I bet that's why the subject ended up in your conversation. I talked about it with our favorite used-book maven when I was about half-way through.

Now that I'm finished, I'd say that the best thing that the poly demographic has going for it is the tendency to perceive life, love, and relationships in terms of abundance. This is far more appealing than viewing them in terms of scarcity.

Now if only I could find that mindset in the head of a monogamist, because as much as I loved the voyeristic thrill of reading about the polyamorous lifestyle, I just don't want that much latex in my life.

Lincoln Writer said...

Different conversationalist, actually -- but isn't it weird how once we learn a new concept, it "suddenly" exists everywhere? I love that.

Abundancy of love ... a good concept, yes; very zen. I do think there's always room for more love in anyone's life. Plenty of people in my life for whom I carry a deep and passionate love ... just not, you know, like *that.*

Even those relationships, though, require a synergetic flow of reciprocal energy. "Attention is the currency of relationships." We need to put in what we hope to bring out.

Anonymous said...

Uh oh. If a meme pops up in lots of unrelated places at the same time, that means that a LOT of people are thinking about it. We could be in for a massive cultural shift. The divorce rate and the invention of the internet may have already made it inevitable. Meanwhile, at this very moment, a young brilliant wannabe-executive at Hallmark is making his play by inventing a new line of greeting cards, and billions will be made. Heaven help us.

I'm going to retreat into solitude and stock my basement with canned goods.

Lincoln Writer said...

Not me, man -- I'm stayin' and fightin'. Monogamists of the world, unite! :-)

BlankPhotog said...

Mono a mono... Although a "Dirty Shame" world of multi-sexuality may be just around the corner, and it may seem positive at the time (who could forget the eagerness at the possibility of collapse we felt at the turn of the Millennium? Who could forget the 60's?) I see the oscillation between irrational exhuberance and the more stable variety as not particularly enticing. I think that's why I've temporarily (I hope) retreated from the field. We're not all 24-hour party people, and we're not all French, and I'd rather see a world of "enough" than one with steep sharp cliffs of sexual data. Abundance is great, but greed isn't good.

Anonymous said...

I miss your mind, BlankPhotog. It's good to read your words.

BlankPhotog said...

I'm in the book! And I frequent coffee shops! Join me?

Anonymous said...

I JUST had a conversation about the subject -- in the context of a crowded club, where I couldn't hear.