So, let's hope bad news does NOT come in twos.

I was overly optimistic yesterday.

(Me? Shocking, I know.)

Y'all must be tired of me jerking you up and down in tandem with my emotions and my subsequent jerking-around by PC.

So no more boring details, especially for the gyno-squeamish.

Just this:

I no longer medically qualify for the Tanzania program.

I'll let you know what comes next as soon as I have a clearer idea of what it is. I'll land on my feet, even if I skin my knees first.

I am so blessed to have many loving family and friends to have my back, and even my virtual online friends who I've never met in person but have been so supportive and encouraging. My mantra is the thanks I give daily for you all. Namaste.

Good news comes in twos.

Good news, Part 1.

Accepted an offer on the house yesterday. It's pretty good. And such a relief to have that taken care of before I leave.

My Lola's been such a good little house. I'll miss her. But she's helping me get where I'm going next.

Good news, Part 2.

The colposcopy report came back today. NO dysplasia. NOTHING to keep me out of PC. Haven't gotten confirmation yet from the PC nurse that my medical hold has been cleared, but absolutely no reason to expect otherwise.

I feel a little foolish, now, for being so anxious this past week. But really, when one thin line can mean all the difference in what happens next in life, it's hard not to obsess over that line.

Y'all helped keep me sane. Thank you.


Currently reading:

"The Memory of Running" by Ron McLarty

Who lent me this? I was sure it was William (which made such perfect sense, and you should read it Wm!). If it was you, let me know so I can return it. It's been a lifesaver -- the only way I could get out of my head the past few days. Riveting story, timely message. Highly recommended.

Thanks, y'all!

Everyone's been so sweet and supportive. I can't thank you enough. 

Right now, PC won't tell me a thing until I get the colposcopy report back. Sure seems like it'll be cutting it close. But, much of this is out of my hands. 

I have Plans B, C and D in the works already. It may mean spending yet more money, but some type of international work experience is in my near future. 

Have a couple coming back for a second look at the house tomorrow, too. 

Cross yer fingers, y'all ... 

Worse than I thought.

I had not noticed a very minor change in diagnosis in this latest pap. If yesterday's biopsy confirms that diagnosis, there is still no cause for medical concern -- it is still a condition that any doctor in the real world would simply monitor, not treat. 

However, the change puts me in the PC category of deferral rather than clearance. I would need to be treated and then wait for confirmation of a normal pap before starting the placement process again. It likely would take several paps at three-month intervals before I could be cleared to relaunch the placement process. At that point, I probably would have to begin the entire medical process again. 

I won't know for sure until I get the biopsy. I have a letter ready with backup documentation from the CDC, National Cancer Institute and other medical organizations showing that this diagnosis requires only monitoring, not treatment. 

But I have to prepare for the likelihood that I will not be leaving in June. Or, more than likely, entering PC at all. Not because I am physically unfit to serve, but because I don't fit the bureaucratic box that must be checked. 

I have invested everything I have into realizing this dream. I've quit my job and lost any financial security. I am trying to sell my house and will be unable to afford it regardless of the PC outcome. My car lease is due and I can't afford to buy it or even a junker. I have just enough in liquid assets to see me through until I was to board the plane June 10. 

I have no desire to try to reclaim the job, the house, etc. 

But I also have no idea what will happen next. 

This scares me far more than any of the silly worries about snakes, spiders, solitude, sanitation or hardships of PC life. 

I may be out of touch for a few days. Alternatively, I may be excessively needy. Either way I ask for understanding/respect. Thanks. 

Medical clerance rant.

(w/TMI warning for those of the male persuasion)

PC approved my medical with the caveat that I need a pap every six months. That would put me at a June 4 appointment ... when I'm slated to leave June 8. So I went ahead and had one a couple of weeks ago.

Got the results yesterday. Same as the past several ... low-grade, nondysplasic, abnormal cells. Nothing I didn't expect, but it means another colposcopy, which means more money, more waiting and more worrying that this will keep me from getting on that plane in June.

Spoke with the PC nurse yesterday and she said everything's fine, just send in the biopsy results when I get them.

But woke this morning to an email message that I again have a medical hold on my PC status.

Angus on the PC Africa desk assures me that applicants often have a hold right up to the day they leave, and that as long as I can give PC medical what they need, even at the very last minute, I'll be good to go.

So I shouldn't worry.

But you know I do!

Twende pamoja!

I've set up a new blog for Tanzania:

http://twende-pamoja.blogspot.com/

I'll make some additions and start posting on it in the next few days. May still post here occasionally, especially before I leave. But the new blog is for a more general audience.

What a productive Wednesday: Bought a good pair of quick-drying pants; found two options for selling bad karma jewelry from various exes; chatted with an agronomist at UNL; proseltyzed to a couple of Huddle's students who are interested in PC; and maybe, maybe found a solar setup that is not only efficient but highly affordable! Need to talk with my resident computer geeks and call the company to check it out further, but thanks to my friend Melinda and her computer geeks for finding me this option.

A volunteer already in TZ advises me that as an environmental volunteer I'll be known as a "mental." As if I'm not already!

Only two more days in the newsroom, which seems surreal. I really don't feel emotional about leaving. Don't think I'll be back this time.

Looking forward to the next two weeks of packing up my life, then a quick trip to Tucson, road trip home w/Miz K, and a few days to move everything into storage, solve any last-minute problems, and kiss each of you goodbye.

Mark your calendars for Billy Bacon and the Forbidden Pigs on Friday, June 6. And/or, depending on when I leave, Saturday the 7th. But no shots!

Currently reading: Building Soils for Better Crops (second edition), Fred Magdoff and Harold Van Es

But will the bus fit in my carryon?

Because I'd need my own tour bus to bring everything currently on my packing list. Jill thought I should post it so y'all can laugh at me and my idea of getting away from all this American materialism. It ain't gonna be easy, that's for sure.

I'm checking on the possibility of mailing myself some stuff in advance -- anything that's heavy and inexpensive and not immediately essential. But I'll still need to haul it all to site on my own, so I will need to start paring down my ...

PEACE CORPS PACKING LIST:
Items to buy in italics

Luggage: (Two checked bags = max 107 linear inches and 80 lbs. combined)
Swiss Army suitcase: 17 x 26 x 13
Gregory Deva 60 backpack: 17 x 28 x 11 if really overstuffed
Large, lightweight duffel (To contain backpack for checked luggage on airline so straps won’t get caught; use later as extra bag in country)
Carry-on suitcase
PLUS?: Daypack as second carryon (“Personal” – i.e., purse/laptop carrier ... need to make sure I can do both this and a full carryon)

Gifts
Toys for kids: Balloons; bubbles; jump ropes; toy cars; playing cards; Uno; Frisbees? hackeysacks?
Gift for host family: Nebraska book?
Other miscellaneous gifts: Towels embroidered by my mom; lotions; incense? Tshirts? Pens?

Technology: TZ is 210V
Laptop
Camera, connector, batteries, charger
iPod and charger/connector; headphones/EXTRAS/pads
Speakers
Solio (solar charger for iPod)
Solar panels for laptop
Shortwave radio?
Flash drives
Power adapters; surge protector?
Watch
Headlamp
Batteries/charger
Blank CDs/sleeves?
2009/20010 datebook?

Gardening supplies:
Work boots?
Gloves
Trowel?
Felco pruners
Seeds: Tomatoes; carrots; eggplant; onion; cucumber; radishes; beets; cilantro; basil; spinach;

Medications:
Lybrel: 3 month supply
Vitamins
Over-the-counter sleep aid
Ibuprofen
Calcium?
Iron?
Cranberry extract?

Toiletries:
Two pairs glasses (second pair w/clip-on sunglasses)
Contacts (two years’ worth?)
Saline; lens cases; eyedrops
Soap; soapdish
Toothbrushes; toothpaste; floss; toothbrush holder
Lip balm (two years' worth of Burt's Bees!)
Face wash
Moisturizer
Face scrub
Sunscreen: Face; body
Body lotion Hand lotion
Razor/blades (bought two years' worth on eBay; apparently among the hardest things to find)
Shampoo, conditioner, anti-frizz cream
Hairbrush; comb; clips; hairbands; elastics; pins
Qtips?
Deodorant (also hard to find)
Nail clippers, files, cuticle cream
Tweezers; scissors; mirror
Pumice stone
Hair dryer; flatiron (for those rare opportunities w/electricity)
Toilet paper
Hand sanitizer; handiwipes
Iodine pills?
Small bandaids
Earplugs; eye mask

Makeup: (I know, I know...)
Powder foundation; sponges
Concealer
Eyelash curler; pencil sharpener
Mascara; eye shadows; eyeliner; brushes
Stila lipstick; Burt’s Bees gloss

Clothes:
Bras; sports bras
Undies: Cotton; Exofficio (organic/soy/quick-drying/AWESOME)
Pajama pants; tanks; nightdress
Tshirts: Black; white; colors;
Long-sleeve Tshirts
Other tops: light sweaters/blouses;
Polarfleece; second sweater or hoodie
Skirts (must be below knee): Green hemp; pink/Krista; black/Krista; cargo; black floral;
Dresses: ???
Pants: Ripstop/quick-drying?; khaki cropped; brown linen; black cropped; plaid/knee (as a woman, I'm only "allowed" pants because I'll be working in sustainable ag, so this is probably too many)
Jeans: Dark; light;
Exercise pants, top; skort (doubles as swimsuit coverup
Swimsuit? (conservative; must cover midriff and wear shorts over it?)
Rain jacket
Hats: Straw gardening hat; Ex-officio camping hat; ballcaps?
Bandanas
Sunglasses (several cheap pairs; one good pair of Bollos)
Scarves: Black; lavender; sarong; silk;
Socks: white thorlos; hiking; more??
Shoes: Merrill black slides; Merrill maryjanes; Keens; thongs; trail runners; work boots?

Jewelry:
Earrings
“Wedding” ring (supposedly helps keep the suitors at bay)

Household:
Water bottles (aluminum; Nalgenes)
Sleeping bag
Swiss army knives
Dry bag?
Pillowcase
Microfiber towels (large, small); washcloths?
Beach towel?
Yoga mat?

Kitchen:
Towels; napkins?
Small pan/skillet (highly recommended; hard to find in-country?)
Collapsible colander
Kitchen knife; paring knife
Flexible cutting board
Egg carrier? (recommended if I plan to buy eggs)
Measuring cups / spoons
Spatula; paring knife; peeler; grater
Chohula (essential!)
Spices: What to bring? Suggestions are welcome!
Tea; Splenda; powder to flavor water
Hummus mix
Ziploc bags, large and small (apparently as valuable in Africa as cigarettes are in prison)
Cookbook?

Office supplies:
Journals
Notebooks
Pens AND REFILLS
Scissors
Tape: Scotch; duct;
Post-it page flags (cuz I'm, y'know, me)
Clothesline/clothespins for hanging art (Ikea?)
Big world map?

Paperwork:
Immunization card
Copies: Passport; immunization card; other vaccinations
Prescriptions: Lybrel; eyeglasses; contacts
Copies of pap smears, mammogram
Divorce decree; college transcripts (why, you ask? yeah, me too)
Resume

Miscellaneous:
BOOKS!!! (again, suggestions welcome ... I'm told to bring something "light" ... but weighed down with agronomy books at present)
Photos and album (to show my host family/village)
Cloth bags; daypack; waistpack
Waistpack; cloth bags
Padlocks
Carabiners
Bike helmet? Gloves? (PC sez you have to wear a helmet, but apparently doesn't always provide one)
Dominoes?
Incense? (my comfort item?)

------------

Now I need to set up a new blog for the TZ adventure. Name suggestions? Winner gets the beer and slice of her/his choice @ Yia-Yia's ... one of many places I'm gonna miss ...

Meanwhile, I'm reading every blog I can find from current volunteers in country ... and trying not to freak out over so many stories of mamba snakes and spiders as big as your fist ...