Reading about a serial killer.

I'm reading a relatively new book called "28: Stories of AIDS in Africa." That's one story for every 1 million Africans currently living with AIDS. Truck drivers and soldiers who unwittingly spread the disease cross-country and cross-continent ... and fail to change their behaviors even after they understand how HIV is transmitted. Elderly women left to care for dozens of grandchildren when their own children die, one after the other. Children, so many children, born HIV positive and then orphaned. Wives abandoned by the husbands who infected them, then shuned by their families and communities. Activists who dare to publicly challenge dictatorial governments. The extent of the ostracism is baffling, considering the simultaneous, astronomical infection rates -- in many cases, those who shut out/shout down the HIV+ are infected themselves.

The author sounds an optimistic note, and perhaps attitudes and statistics are beginning to change. Antiretrovirals have been proven to keep patients healthy, and the sheer numbers mean one can be public about HIV status without being beaten to death.

But from what little I've been reading, there's plenty ofwork to be done. Condoms are still routinely laughed at and unavailable. Medications are more affordable, but clinics remain woefully underfunded, understaffed and understocked -- how can they offer drug therapy to everyone who needs it when they can't even keep latex gloves in stock? Presidents disparage the medications that can keep HIV+ Africans healthy ... or continue to publicly claim that AIDS isn't spread by sex.

Currently a movement is afoot to focus world aid resources not on HIV/AIDS but on Africa's other pandemics -- malnutrition, malaria, parasites, etc. Certainly these are mass killers as well, but AIDS has virtually wiped out an entire generation of an entire continent. If it isn't brought under control, the spiral will continue. Isn't there enough aid to go around?

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I hope my fellow Nebraskans got out and enjoyed this amazing day. Fifty-two degrees, last time I checked; when I spoke to Miz K down Tucson-way, she said it was about 60 there. We're catching up! Think sunshine, everyone ...

Hibernation now, harmattan later?

I am officially boycotting this wintry Nebraska day. Ten degrees out, up considerably from the 5 below when I ventured out to the gym this morning. Now I've decided this day can only be spent cocooning. Snuggled safely indoors, looking out ice-painted windows while reading of the dry harmattan heat of a Peace Corps life in Togo.

Krista, alternatively, has invited me down to Tucson for a hike in a 60-degree winter desert. Sounds lovely, but here is where I am, and here is not so bad.

More than likely, next year this time I'll be bemoaning the hot, dry season wherever I end up in Africa. So, much as I bitch about hating these Nebraska winters, today I am soaking up the good points while I can ... surrounded by afghans and books, pot of tea to hand, thinking chili for supper later and maybe even a starlight walk around the block just to shake my crazy life up a bit.

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So I'm comparing George Packer's PC experiences in Togo a quarter-century ago with Sarah Erdman's account of her PC service in Ghana in the late '90s. What's most depressing is that so little seems to have changed, development-wise, in the intervening years. Electricity and potable water far from the norm for the average village. Education only a nominal priority, and only involving memorization/repetition; comprehending the big picture is actually frowned upon. Any means of grasping one's way out of barely subsistence poverty constantly thwarted, whether by punishing climate or dictatorial government or jealous neighbors.

The haunting overall question, summoned by the stories I've read so far: Does the Peace Corps actually bring any concrete improvements? The next question, of course, has to be how one defines "improvement." These are the issues I'm preparing to grapple with ... on, now, to some new books on the AIDS crisis in Africa.

In related news, a new Lancet study suggests that funds earmarked for fighting the global AIDS crisis might be better spent on health basics such as malnutrition, family planning, clean water and malaria, which kill far more worldwide than AIDS. What's sad is that we think we have to choose which devastating health risks to battle.

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Hmm. The only flaw in my hibernation plan is my failure to have picked up a video or two. Watched "Il Postino" last night for the first time, and fell in love (again) with Pablo Neruda. Terribly sweet, romantic movie.

Quote of the day: "Poetry doesn't belong to those who wrote it, but to those who need it." -- from "Il Postino"

Currently reading: Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair, Pablo Neruda

Currently listening: Country for True Lovers, Eleni Mandell

Does it snow in Africa?

On Kilimanjaro, sure, but I'm betting it doesn't wherever I'm going. Which is good. I've shoveled at least four times in the past two weeks -- and I lazily ignored a couple of other "opportunities." This morning it was a good four inches ... and still coming down steadily.

Finally had a couple of little meltdowns this past week over all the Peace Corps paperwork. It's been such a struggle to collect -- over the past two months I've been to eight clinics, averaging 1.75 visits per clinic, plus countless phone calls, cajoling, mistakes, wine spills, etc. Even I'm tired of hearing myself whine about it.

Last week I got a glimpse of what it's all gonna cost me, too. (Tip: No matter how healthy you are now, never, ever take the high-deductible insurance plan.) And this week, my pap smear did indeed come back with "atypical" cells. Nothing serious, more than likely, but hard not to worry. And all I can do is wait.

It's all brought my emotions pretty close to the surface lately. But there've been ups as well as downs. I discount neither. More of each to come, I'm sure. Hang in there with me.

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Still in a food coma from last night. We celebrated Miz Amy's birthday with sushi at the unfortunately named O'Yummy. It's better than it sounds, though of course you takes yer chances with sushi in landlocked Nebraska.

Sure wish I'd had my camera, not only to capture the glowing birthday girl, but to capture the neon signs out front: "Sushi bar" right next to "Tackle Shop." For real.

Now the Bookstore Maven, Miz Meleeska and I are off to brave the snow and have lunch at Sher-E-Punjab. At this rate, Santa will have to bring me new pants for Christmas!

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Quote of the day:

"Find your place on the planet, dig in, and take responsibility from there."

— Gary Snyder

Exenellent.

My favorite subversive used bookstore maven had a reading tonight with Betty Levitov -- a lovely evening all around. Betty says it's possible to rent a home in Malawi or elsewhere in eastern Africa for $20 or so a month. So tempting I can hardly stand it ... I wouldn't even need to set up an income source, at least not anytime soon. More research is definitely in order; meanwhile, I hope Bookstore Maven, Betty and I can get together again sometime soon, as I really enjoyed meeting her.

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Between the reading and the party, I popped across the alley to Homer's for what likely will be my last visit -- the downtown store closes for good Saturday. This popped out at me from nowhere, and it's like coming full circle: I'm pretty sure I bought my first X album from the Homer's on Howard Street. We used to go to Omaha every summer for back-to-school clothes, then down to the Old Market so Dad could stock up on jazz at Homer's and Drastic Plastic -- 10 or 12 albums at a time, one of the few times he took visible pleasure in any activity. It made an impression; even today, nothing feels more indulgent than scouring a record shop for music I didn't even know I wanted 'til I happened across it. Cruising iTunes just isn't the same. Homer's, I'll miss ya.

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The FDA today approved a birth-control pill for continuous use -- eliminating the menstrual cycle completely. I have such mixed feelings about this.

I already take a pill that cuts my periods down to four a year. I'll admit it: I take it for the convenience. (It'd be a helluva miracle if I got pregnant, even if I *were* having sex with anyone besides myself). I hate the mess, the planning ahead, the discomfort.

But I also wonder, constantly, about what one researcher told MSNBC:

"Menstruation is a normal life event — not a medical condition. ... Why medicate away a normal life event if we’re not sure of the long-term effects?”

Actually, finances (and, again, a lack of legitimate need) have me experimenting with going off the pill. If I can be more self-righteous as an added bonus, so much the better.

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Spring isn't spring without lilacs; the late frost killed 'em this year. But iris from the side yard are good. Peonies should be popping open any time now, too.

Travelblog.

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I’ve set up a separate blog to share my trip. You may be on my email notification list for that as well.

It’s not linked with this blog in any way, because I’ll be sharing it with family, coworkers and other people I don’t necessarily want to attract here!

Time permitting, I’ll post the same stuff here as well, along with any juicy tidbits I don’t feel comfortable sharing with family/coworkers. But if you don’t see anything here for awhile, you might check the other blog as well.

My journey begins Sunday. I’ll keep you posted!

Changing minds, one 8-year-old at a time.

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My niece Emma, aka The Divine Miss Em (does anyone get that but me? I wonder), calls to ask how many boxes of Girl Scout cookies I wish to order. Note that: Not whether I want to place an order, but how big an order I wish to place. Is it too cheesy to say she's one smart cookie?

I confirm that I've burned some more Diana Krall CDs for her (beware the grade-schooler who's already into torch singers!), and we make a lunch date for Saturday so I can pass them on to her before I leave on my trip.

"To ***!" she says.

That's right.

"***'s a bad place."

Who told you that?

"I just know it. Somebody told me. My teacher told me."

We discuss. Yes, there are some bad things happening in ***, but there are good things, too. Yes, there are animals. Zebras? I don't know. Tigers? I think so. Eight-year-old girls, definitely. I promise to bring back visual documentation. And I volunteered to speak to her class, because whatever I bring back I mean to show her teacher, or whoever told her ***'s a "bad place," the one lesson we are meant to learn in this life -- that we are all far more alike than we are different.

Do I need to learn PowerPoint to talk to a roomful of second-graders?

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Quote of the day: (yep, they're back!)

“In the particular is contained the universal.” – James Joyce

Are you missing anything?

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A few days ago, I thought I saw a crumpled piece of blue paper in the street in front of my house. A day later, I realized it's a pair of panties -- a thong, pale blue with black lace. The next day, it had migrated from the curb to the edge of the driveway. Tonight I get home and see someone has helpfully placed them smack-dab in the middle of my lawn. Which either means that some judgmental adult on the block thinks they're mine and is calling attention to my slutty divorcee ways ... or that one of their children actually was playing with skanky used panties found in the street. Either way, it was too damn cold tonight to go find a stick long enough to collect them and drop them in the trash. Blegh.

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Africa news alert of the day:

The Gates Foundation is well known for funding global health programs, especially AIDS education and other disease treatment/prevention in African countries. But check this out:

"The Gates Foundation has poured $218 million into polio and measles immunization and research worldwide, including in the Niger Delta. At the same time that the foundation is funding inoculations to protect health, The Times found, it has invested $423 million in Eni, Royal Dutch Shell, Exxon Mobil Corp., Chevron Corp. and Total of France — the companies responsible for most of the flares blanketing the delta with pollution, beyond anything permitted in the United States or Europe."

http://www.latimes.com/news/la-na-gatesx07jan07,1,6935188.story?page=1&ctrack=1&cset=true

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Just found out one of my Oaxaca friends is about to leave for a Peace Corps posting in Paraguay. I'm intensely jealous; it's nearly all I can think about the past few days. I've thought about it off and on for years now, stopped by a combination of fear of change and dread of being associated, in any way, with the current regime/government.

But I still daydream about it. I think I'm past the fear ... think I could actually do this. And one of the coolest things about the semi-official trip to India in '03 was surprising people with the idea that not all Americans support the president.

When I get back from my trip, I think, I'll seek out the Omaha recruiter.

Anyone know anyone who's served in the Corps? I'd love to have some contacts.

The cranky Good Samaritan.

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Gave blood this morning – the Africa trip means I’ll be banned for at least a year, so I wanted to give it one last shot, so to speak. I’m O negative, which means anyone can use my blood (yeah, I’m easy that way), so I feel like I ought to do it even though I hate it. Usually I’m a gusher, but this time she nicked me and so I bled too slowly and started clotting before I filled the bag, so they can’t use it. And another lovely bruise to boot!

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Got a very preliminary itinerary for the trip yesterday. Too many meetings with “officials” and not enough reality, imo. A tentative meeting with the current president. And though we’re only two days in Lagos, a visit to the slum communities on the lagoon. That afternoon and evening are supposedly free, so maybe I could indeed spend some time with a family who lives there? Though we leave “early morning” the next day by bus for Kaduna and Kano.

And another kidnapping at an oil rig in Port Harcourt today. And though we are not going into the delta, for obvious safety reasons, they are trying to set up a meeting with oil industry reps. But oughtn’t we try equally hard to meet with someone from the militants’ side – or at least with the residents of the delta who, while the world sucks away their valuable natural resources, barely subsist without agriculture or potable water or decent housing, much less such luxuries as education or job opportunites?

Read the Vanity Fair piece by Sebastian Junger: http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2007/02/junger200702

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More travel fantasies: The school where I “studied” espanol in Oaxaca has new rates – only $75 a week for group lessons. I’m sure they, like the rest of the city’s tourist-based society, have suffered greatly from the government-induced violence of this summer and fall.

http://www.instculturaloax.com.mx/

I daydream regularly about going down there again – a road trip, this time, as the only real expense in’04 was the $1,000 plane fare. I suppose it was idyllic mostly because it was such an escape from “real” life – no job, no stress, few money worries, the true escape of not even being able to understand the cacophony of noises surrounding you. Would all that translate to a more permanent move? I wonder …

I'm embarrassed to share this.

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OK, analyze this dream: I am wandering through a large, multi-storied house – apparently my house – after a snowstorm has isolated me there. I am waiting for my lover, who turns out to be some floating combination of a former boss and an adorable little Indian man who’s a friend of a friend of a friend – neither of which I’m remotely interested in in real life. We are wandering separately through this house, coming together and then losing the connection, repeatedly, until finally we are there, together, for real.

He leans in to kiss me, and as he does he’s morphed again – into Cindy Lange-Kubick.

Who I’m also not remotely interested in. Honest.

And who was one of the first faces I saw this morning. I felt so embarrassed I couldn’t make eye contact.

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Miz K’s new issue of Vanity Fair has an article I can’t wait to read. “Is Nigeria the next Iraq?” the cover blurb blares. The piece focuses on the militants trying to take back the country’s natural resources from the oil industry – or at least debilitate the industry itself. There’s also a good piece on the nation’s overwhelming poverty and overpopulation in a November issue of the New Yorker. Strange how the world is starting to pay attention just as I’m about to embark on this trip – or is it I who have only begun to pay attention?

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Sending love, support and a big salute to Miz N of the Big O, who is embarking on a big new journey of her own. I see great things ahead for you, darling! Will write more when I get a chance.

Over consumption.

As in, I am so over all this consumption!

I spent Saturday afternoon in a desperate and futile search for lightweight, long skirts for the trip. Not exactly the kind of thing one finds in Nebraska in January. (I’m told that the country Im visiting, which is 50% Muslim pants are acceptable on foreign women but frowned upon, and no short skirts. What classifies as short? Need to put the question out to my international-traveling friends … are pants really not cool? Is below the knee long enough for a skirt?) Blegh. I still have mall rash from Saturday’s escapade. Buying things I neither want nor need, with money I don’t really have – hey, it’s the American Way!

And now I think I’ve officially killed my iPod, and this just makes me angry. Three hundred dollars and not even three years old, and I'm told it's not “worth the trouble” to fix – just buy a new one, lady. I remember when I was a kid (WARNING! OLD FOGEY RANT ALERT!) if something broke, there was someone to fix it. You didn’t just go buy a new TV, toaster, calculator – you had it repaired. It wasn’t ending up as electronic toxic waste in India or Nigeria, polluting someone else’s kids. We’ve accepted/created a throwaway society in which expensive toys are no longer luxuries but necessities, and we’re well trained not to even expect them to last. Yet here I am playing along.

On the other hand, I happily binged on a bunch of new music yesterday, much of which I haven’t even listened to yet.
Ornette Coleman, Sound Grammar (I’d been meaning to get this for a while; innovative jazz, pared-down yet still sounds multilayered)
Sera Cahoone, self-titled (folky/indie chick with a simply lovely voice and a kickass drummer)
M.. Ward, Post-War (lushly orchestral indie singer-songwritery (the fantabulous Neko Case shows up here, and I think Cahoone does, too; also, he produced Jenny Lewis’ solo debut)
Be Your Own Pet, self-titled (screamin’ girlie punk from Nashville, I think; this’ll kickstart my a.m. gym workouts … WHEN I get a new iPod!)
Lilys, A Brief History of Amazing Letdowns (they had a new recording out last year, but I like this 12-year-old EP better! Usually compared with My Bloody Valentine)

And Miz K scored me some Joanna Newsom and some other cool stuff!

I’d have created links to iTunes, but I don’t know how. :-(