Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Waiting for Peace.*

(Warning: TMI alert!)


*Cribbed the title from some Peace Corps-related Web site. I like the double entendre.

The wait continues. My doctor called today. The pap smear came back from its second round of testing, and now I need a colposcopy ... the technical term for rummaging around up in my kootchie to look for any signs of cancer. Biopsy some tissue. It'll take about two minutes, and then another week or so to wait for those results.

I assume they'll be the same as last year's. A few cells of a low grade of a high-risk HPV strain. No cancer; not even any precurors to cancer. By my age, something like 80 percent of the population has had HPV come and go without even knowing it. Nothing, really, to worry about.

And I'm not -- not about that, anyway. Just really tired of being tested, in every sense of the word. I'm no longer afraid that high-risk HPV alone would eliminate me from PC consideration. But it's hard not to wonder whether something else is wrong. It's hard not to freak out about all the money this is costing me. And I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm not the most patient person in the world. ;-)

I'm ready to move on in the world, but the world's just not ready for me yet.

Called half a dozen people tonight; got half a dozen answering machines, and even my mommy hasn't called me back.

So I seek other diversions and go to bed early, referencing Tom Petty and Scarlett O'Hara.

1 comment:

Jill McNamara said...

my phone did not ring, my love! next time you get answering machines, walk your cute little ass over and we'll drink a glass (or four) of wine (michael just reminded me we also have tequila- he'd join us for that). love you, and all will be well and as it should be soon, i'm sure of it.