Peace on a chain.

The Divine Miz Emily, local purveyor of fine imports and my personal guruess, gave me this little pendant that means so much to me at this stage in my life. The front says “Peace” in Arabic; the back has a spiral indentation. Could it be more appropriate for me?


Desert-bound.

Gawd, am I ready to get out of this town.

Luckily, I leave manana en la manana!

This isn't the big goodbye ... just the big pre-goodbye adventure. Goin' down Tucson way to visit Miz K. She, Miz J and I are drivin' down to Mexico for a couple days on the beach at Puerto Penasco. Then a big birthday bash for the K-ladee. Some hiking, I hope. Can't wait to get down there.

Lincoln's just irritating me these days. Know I'll miss it somethin' awful when I'm gone, but lately I've been revisiting old behaviors/emotions/ghosts, and not in a terribly healthy way. Maybe it's all part of the process of moving on? Dunno.


Quote of the day:

Overheard at Jones Coffee:

“But he’s already married. He can’t get married again – that’s bigotry!”

Intolerance unveiled.

Did you read about the Moroccan-born woman who was denied French citizenship because she chooses to veil her face?

Read it here: A veil closes France's door to citizenship

The idea of the veil stirs mixed emotions in me, of course. I detest the idea of a woman believing it is necessary to hide herself. And I try hard to believe that men are trustworthy enough creatures that we needn’t worry about fanning the flames of their lust as we simply go about our daily lives.

I don’t like the concept of the veil.

Yet it is not for a free, democratic society to tell a woman she CANNOT wear the veil. Certainly it can decree that no one else can force a woman under the veil. Certainly it may advocate the tossing aside of the veil along with other misogynistic concepts. But in telling this woman she cannot exercise her free will, France aligns itself with the very same strictures it seeks to outlaw.



Below the surface.

I’d not heard of Kay Ryan before she was named poet laureate last week. In browsing through some of her work, I felt this one particularly speaking to me:

Surfaces
By Kay Ryan

Surfaces serve
their own purposes,
strive to remain
constant (all lives
want that). There is
a skin, not just on
peaches but on oceans
(note the telltale
slough of foam on beaches).
Sometimes it’s loose,
as in the case
of cats: you feel how a
second life slides
under it. Sometimes it
fits. Take glass.
Sometimes it outlasts
its underside. Take reefs.

The private lives of surfaces
are innocent, not devious.
Take the one-dimensional
belief of enamel in itself,
the furious autonomy
of luster (crush a pearl —
it’s powder), the whole
curious seamlessness
of how we’re each surrounded
and what it doesn’t teach.


Mixing it up.

In one of the many time-sucking, space-filling, procrastination-aiding tasks I have set myself this summer, thus successfully avoiding such worthier pursuits as learning the language I’ll need for the next two years or losing 20 pounds through daily 40-mile bicycle rides, I’ve been entertaining myself with the creation of new mix lists. To wit:

Waiting for Peace (Corps): Becki’s Summer ’08 mix
(tunes I’m listening to lately – some new, some old, some relevant, some not)

Wake Up / The Arcade Fire
Nothing'severgonnastandinmyway (Again) / Wilco
Play / Kate Nash
In Step / Girl Talk
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You / Black Kids
When the Day Met the Night / Panic! At the Disco
Candy / The Self-Righteous Brothers
I Like It, I Love It / Lyrics Born
Ooh La La / Goldfrapp
L3t Teh Be34t C0ns013 Yov (Pewep Merix) / Tilly & The Wall
It's the Beat / Simian Mobile Disco
Bust a Move / Young MC
Think Afrika / Seun Kuti
The Electric Version / The New Pornographers
Natural's Not In It / Gang of Four
Dissolved Girl / Massive Attack
Ramblin' (Wo)man / Cat Power
Excursions / A Tribe Called Quest
Adventure / Be Your Own Pet
say i am / Tom Tom Club
I'm The Toughest Girl Alive / Candye Kane
The Future Freaks Me Out / Motion City Soundtrack

Noisy Summer mix
(fairly obvious, I think)

Noisy Summer / Raveonettes
sunshine and ecstasy / Tom Tom Club
Summer Daze / Luscious Jackson
Another Fine Day / Golden Smog
The Summer / Yo La Tengo
Blister in the Sun / Violent Femmes
Sunshine / The Meat Purveyors
Broken A/C Blues / Duane Jarvis
Ice Cream Cone / The Tijuana Gigolos
Machines of Summer / Drive-By Honky
Sun In My Mouth / Björk
Summer In The City / Regina Spektor
Asleep on a Sunbeam / Belle & Sebastian
Beneath The Blue Sky / The Go-Go's
Summer Teeth / Wilco
Sunshine / Floetry
Sunday Sun / Cinematics
Looking at the Sun / Matthew Sweet
It's Summertime / The Flaming Lips
Red Sun / Neil Young
Sunset / Kate Bush
Starlit / Erin McKeown

Under the Covers
(cover tunes you might not have expected)

Smells Like Teen Spirit / Tori Amos
Oops! ... I Did It Again / Richard Thompson
Yo vivire (I Will Survive) / Celia Cruz
Love Will Tear Us Apart / Nouvelle Vague
Stand by Your Man / Lyle Lovett
She's a Lady / The Self-Righteous Brothers
(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction / Cat Power
Every Rose Has Its Thorn / Rex Hobart & the Misery Boys
Shine / Dolly Parton
Joy / Bettye LaVette
Comfortably Numb / Dar Williams w/Ani DiFranco
Rebel Rebel / Seu Jorge
Wooly Bully / Billy Bacon And The Forbidden Pigs
The Hokey Pokey / Brave Combo
Breathless / X
Good Lovin' / Grateful Dead
Ain't That Peculiar / Chocolate Genius
Let's Get It On / Jack Black
Gloria / Patti Smith
Baba O'Riley / The Waco Brothers


Quote of the day:

"I arise in the morning torn between the desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." — E. B. White

My new living room.

Settling into my new temporary home and a slower pace of life. My favorite feature at the Bookstore Maven's former abode is the front porch. Deep, secluded and shaded, with a romantic swing and a separate seating area, fringed by twisting honeysuckle vines and protective conifers. I take most of my meals out here and am re-learning my childhood habit of whiling away entire hours immersed in other lives, entered via a stack of library books.

My other living room is the coffeehouse of the day, so I can indulge, briefly, my Internet obsessions. I try to mix the location up a bit from day to day, so I don't become "that weird lady who's always at Xxxx." But with Meadowlark and Jones each just a few blocks away, I usually end up at one of those locales. So maybe I'll become "that lady" yet. Everyone needs a goal.

Funny how uncomfortable it's been, at first, to not really have anything "to do." Plenty to do, actually -- just no immediate daily obligations, unstructured by the lack of a day job. (Don't worry too much -- I do seem to be settling into it.)

Actually, the whole situation is more than a little reminiscent of my summer in Oaxaca. Walking (or, here, biking) as my main mode of transportation brings me more in tune with my surroundings; I spend a good deal of time outside, reading or writing in my journal; I have plenty of time for friends and for contemplation of What Comes Next.

(Unfortunately, the similarities to Oaxaca do not extend to an inability to comprehend the language floating all around me, making it more difficult to ignore the whiny children and shouted conversations that seem to have become accepted aspects of coffeehouse culture. )


Foot power as my mode of transportation: Yes, the Saturn is gone; my lease was up at the end of June. I briefly thought about asking whether I could rent it for just a couple more months. But then I thought, um, Why? Why spend all more money I don't have, when everything I really need is really quite accessible from where I am? Bonuses: I can indulge the smug attitude of no longer being part of the carbon footprint problem, and my thighs will be rock hard by the time I leave for Morocco! (Hey, a girl can dream ... )


Been spending a lot of time lately thinking about What I Really Need. Materially, that is. I was so proud of myself for downsizing as I moved out of The Bungalow Formerly Known as Lola. (Aside: What's my deal today with Capitalizing Everything?) I got rid of most of my furniture and sent boxloads off to Goodwill. Yet I was still only barely able to squeeze the material manifestations of my former life into a spare bedroom larger than the average storage locker. What the above photo fails to show is the two rows of boxes, floor to ceiling, behind the miscellaneous detritus. Books, mostly. Books I've either already read or likely never will. To keep them has far more to do with vanity and emotional attachment than with actual need. Maybe that's true of the rest as well?

Then, moving into my temporary digs, thinking I'd really pared down to the nitty gritty -- only the things I'd really need for the next two months. Even so, that came down to about a dozen boxes and a couple of suitcases. A dozen boxes for two months? Really? Well, no -- not really. Most of it is already stowed in a back closet. Much of the rest is dribs and drabs of toiletries that don't really do anything. And then there's the dishes and glassware I inexplicably keep breaking -- that'll really cut back on the need to repack.

Maybe it's all practice for the next step: two bags for the next two years in Morocco. Even then, from what I hear via former Peace Corps vols, much of what you bring ends up never leaving the suitcase.

Or maybe it's all practice for moving on in life ... paring down, offloading the no longer necessary in favor of what's really important. A life well-lived needn't be proved by overaccumulation.

A friend yesterday was telling about visiting an antiques store overstuffed with ... stuff. Not antiques, just stuff. Old shot glasses, action figures, Wheaties boxes.

"What do you collect?" the woman behind the counter asked. Shocked she was to find out my dear friend doesn't have rows of bobbleheads or spoons or commemorative plates holding up the

"Memories," I told my friend. "Next time, say you collect memories."

Quote of the day:

“The curse of the human race is not that we are so different from one another, but that we are so alike.” – Salman Rushdie, “The Enchantress of Florence”

Don't ask.

No, really, it’s nice that you do. Encouraging to realize just how many people are genuinely interested in my looming adventure.

But I have an idea that if only I were to start carrying a 40-lb. bowling ball around with me at all times, I might have an idea what a 40-weeks-pregnant mother might feel when everyone points out the obvious: "You're still pregnant?"

No one says “Hi” to me anymore … all greetings are along the lines of "Sooo ....?" or “Haven’t you heard yet?”

Obviously, I’ve yet to hear anything formal from Peace Corps. On Friday it’ll be a month since my phone interview with my placement officer – an interview that went really well and left me with the impression that I’d be getting my invitation in a week or so.

Since then, I’ve heard through the grapevine that I’ve been “placed” – whatever that means. It may be that they’ve found a program/site for me but haven’t done the paperwork yet.

I know this is happening, and they have to give me at least six weeks’ notice. So I’m trying to be constructive in the meantime … packing up nonessentials, spending as much time with those I love and doing all the things I’ll miss about Lincoln. And practicing that damn patience thing. It’ll come in handy, I hear.

The house is officially on the market -- check it out!

And I'm using Blogger to sell my furniture when I'm ready. I'll take out free ads on Craigslist and LJS, with a photo and the web site. Let me know what you think.


Spiraling outward.

I long ago adopted the spiral as my personal nature symbol. I never had any logical reason for it; it just felt very “circle of life” to me.

I never really understood why I felt so drawn to the idea of three spirals for my "jobkiller" tattoo. Why not just the one?

Krista recently sent me this passage she found in a book:

"The archetype of the spiral has existed since the beginning of civilization throughout all the world's cultures – as an art form, a religious symbol, and a sacred vehicle for medications. Spirals have been found on Neolithic rock carvings, indicating that the earliest human inhabitants of our planet considered them an important part of the their cosmological understanding. Many ancient peoples and indigenous and Eastern religions depicted our life journey using sacred circular symbols – the Native American medicine wheel, the Aztec calendar, the Mandala of Hinduism and Buddhism, the circles in the Celtic cross, the interlocking halves of the Chinese yin and yang and the mystical labyrinth.

"These physical representation of the great circle of existence and the interior journey of the soul. Each of them focuses our eye on a point within the symbol, as if gathering the outside energies and drawing them inward. In this way, they are designed as mystical and powerful forms of spiritual contemplation, inviting the seeker to travel within and discover the divine.

"Reality is not linear at all – it is circular. Life does not move forward in a straight line, but swirls around in a mysterious cosmic dance.

”This is the secret of the spiral: it brings up back to what great sages have called "the eternal Now.”

That made me happy.

It also led me to do some completely nonscientific research, via Wikipedia:

“The spiral is the most ancient symbol found on every civilized continent. Due to its appearance at burial sites across the globe, the spiral most likely represented the "life-death-rebirth" cycle. Similarly, the spiral symbolized the sun, as ancient people thought the sun was born each morning, died each night, and was reborn the next morning.”

“The triple spiral is one of the main symbols of Celtic Reconstructionist Paganism, often standing for the "three realms" – Land, Sea and Sky, or for one of a number of deities who are described in the lore as "threefold" or triadic. … Some Celtic-inspired Wiccans also use the triple spiral symbol, most often to represent the concept of the triple goddess.”

"A triskelion or triskele … is a symbol consisting of three interlocked spirals, or three bent human legs, or any similar symbol with three protrusions and a threefold rotational symmetry. ... Spiral forms of the triskele are often classed as solar symbols, while the legged version, sometimes including a gorgon mask or Medusa's head at the central axle point in the Sicilian version, suggests a chthonic (earthy) significance."

(In lesser company, the triskelion has similarities to the Nazi swastika and apparently has been proposed as a secret sign for BDSM practitioners. We'll just roll (spiral?) right on past those ...)

Maybe I learned these associations at some point and kept them in my subconscious. But I think it's fascinating to consider that I came up with the same symbolism as multiple ancient cultures, from far-flung parts of the globe.


Thought for the day.

“It is easy to see the beginning of things, and harder to see the ends.”
— Joan Didion

The price of sanity.

"Optimism is true moral courage." -- Ernest Shackleton


Well, most of y'all know the news by now. I am appealing my Peace Corps rejection -- based, apparently, on a long-ago incident in my battle with depression. (I try not to blame myself for telling the truth on my initial application.)

I'm light-years from where I was eight years ago, and I'm convinced I'll never go to such a dark place again. I know, now, how to veer off the path long before hitting that dead-end.

But hard to convince strangers of that, when I'm just a faceless name on a piece of paper, 1,500 miles away.

Tomorrow I have an appointment for a comprehensive psychological evaluation. If that doesn't prove my sanity, nothing will. And the price of proving it? The low, low one-time payment of $648.

I get one chance at an appeal. It may not be possible to get past the bureaucracy, but I intend to see this all the way through, know I've done everything I could. Turns out I really am committed to this. (Insert joke here).



Inspiration of the day:

“Don’t fuck with me, fellas — this ain’t my first time at the rodeo.”
— Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest"

“You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your own wings on the way down.”
— Ray Bradbury (via Miz K)



Anthems of the day:

I Won’t Back Down / Tom Petty (actually, while I'm loving the sentiment, I hate the song)

I Do Not Want What I Have Not Got / Sinead O'Connor (beautiful message, beautiful song)

Vow of celibacy.

Well, not that kind of celibacy. Don't really need to take a vow to avoid the unavailable. ;-)

No, I have decided to commit to two months without purchasing media in any form. No books, no magazines, no music -- not even a single iTunes download.

Inspired by a friend's pledge to formally forgo something in order to evolve beyond giving it so much emphasis in her life.

The thought occurred to me the other day that I have a difficult time simply enjoying music without acquiring it -- as if, by "owning" it, I can make it my own. (As a girl, I read that Louisa May Alcott started her writing career by copying, over and over, the words she admired by other writers, until her own style evolved. Didn't really happen for me. I wonder if a similar drive isn't at work here?)

So in part this is part of my attempt to stay in the moment ... to simply enjoy what I hear/read and not worry about whether/when I will want to hear/read it again.

Then there's the fact that despite all my whining about living in poverty, I easily drop $100 a month on books and music. Better spent on medical bills ... or -- think of it! -- dropped into my savings account.

Of course, there'll always be music and books that will speak to me strongly enough that I will indeed return to them again and again. A permanent moratorium this is not. In the meantime, I have plenty in my current collections to keep me occupied.

Next up: Can I possibly live without Internet at home? By dropping web/cable service, I'd save another $63 month ... and an infinite amount of free time, without the time-sucking addiction of looking up "just one more thing" ...

------------

Food for thought

That there's whatcha call a pun, people ...

New York Times: Rethinking the Meat Guzzler

An informative look at how consumption (our own over-, and our encouragement of it globally) is contributing substantially to climate change and other woes ...

------------

A weekend in quotes.

"Some people never go crazy,
What truly horrible lives they must live."
-- Charles Bukowski

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."
-- Kenji Miyazawa (via Miz K!)

"Every day above ground is good."
-- Shannon on facing up to troubled times

"If it's dangling, you can bitch about it."
-- Shannon on penises

The big sendoff.

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." — Andre Gide


My doctor called today. The biopsy, as she expected, showed absolutely nothing. She faxed over the lab report -- the final missing piece of paper for my Peace Corps medical packet.

After all the rushing and cajoling and organizing and angstifying over the past couple of months, it felt a bit anticlimactic to seal the envelope and drop it in the mail this evening. Nothing to do now but wait a couple months or so.

Meanwhile, I'm immersed in books about AIDS in Africa and about the Peace Corps life in general, and so already I have a new topic to obsess over: Can I really do this? The bucket baths, the lack of electricity, the complete lack of privacy, the biting of tongue when cultures clash, the wondering whether I'm really making a difference ...

Do I really have any idea what I'm getting myself into?

I'm sure I don't ... but I'm naively looking forward to the adventure ...

------------

Obama in Iowa!

Things just started to get interesting ...

------------

Who, I wonder, is my new friend in Waukesha, Wisconsin???

------------

Currently reading: "Nine Hills to Nambonkaha: Two Years in the Heart of an African Village," Sarah Erdman

Currently hearing: "Pop-Pop!," Rickie Lee Jones

Join the Church.

... The Church of Stop Shopping, that is.

The new documentary "What Would Jesus Buy" is at the Ross through Dec. 6. The point is to take a leap of faith -- a flying leap off the consumer bandwagon.

Knowing (hoping) I'm headed for Africa next spring has really killed my desire to acquire, and that's an awfully good side effect. Suddenly, I don't need anything.

To that end, I've tried to talk my family into not buying each other Christmas presents. None of us needs anything or even wants anything -- it's a struggle even to think of what to get each other. I'd much rather we just spend a slow, comfortable day together ... eating too much, laughing at the kids ... that'd be gift enough for me. But they refuse to buy in, so to speak.

OK, so go get yourself a cup of organic, free trade coffee ... I've been saving up several similar opportunities to proselytize ...

Bag the bags.

The Journal Star had a good story on a Doane College project to recycle plastic bags into more permanent totes. There's more info and even a how-to video here. A truly great idea, no? They make it sound easy to try at home ...


Why waste it just because you can?

Treehugger.com is always a great resource for useable tips on reducing consumption and waste. One of their latest drives is to promote the use of an email signature that says something like: "Save a tree. Don't print this email."

Believe it or not, according to this L.A. Times article, this small idea has created controversy. Is it just sanctimonious liberalism, the idea that using less paper can make a difference?

When I look at the overflowing pile of papers no one even bothers to pick up from our office printers -- several reams' worth, every single day, I can't help but think it can't hurt to try and be a bit less wasteful. Fewer trees killed, fewer landfills clogged, less electricity/energy/ink used ... what could be wrong with that?


Freecycling.

Along with wasting less, we could all be re-using more. The Freecycle Network aims to make that easier -- it's kind of a Craig's List of things people don't need anymore and are willing to give away locally. I haven't signed up to see if there's much Lincoln action, but I plan to. I'll let y'all know what I find.

Do you want to play a game?

Are you up to the challenge of testing yourself to see just how sustainable a life you're living? Consumerconsequences.org offers just such a test. I measured a 4.1 -- not nearly as good as I'd hoped. But collected some good tips for improvement in energy use. It's kinda fun, if you have five minutes to kill.

This shit, it is bananas.

I've stopped buying bananas that aren't organic from the local health-food coop. Here's why:

Chiquita sued over killings in Colombia

Chiquita paid off guerillas to protect their "interests." Chiquita and Dole both have a long history of infiltrating, then decimating, local Latin American communities. For an only slightly ficitionalized history, see the opening chapters of Marquez's "One Hundred Years of Solitude." I can't knowingly support a company that considers human lives expendable.

More food for thought.

Related to the bananas, I recently came across this New York Times article:

Five easy ways to go organic

Milk and apples were already deal-killers for me -- they have to be organic. Too much bad stuff in the commercial stuff. Bananas, too -- for political rather than health or environmental reasons. Peanut butter's one that hadn't occurred to me. Miz K has suggested I try making my own ... a good winter project!


Still more food for thought.

Last weekend's book club focused on "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" -- the Barbara Kingsolver book I reviewed last spring about growing/making one's own food or, when that's impossible, buying only from within a 100-mile radius. Unfortunately, most of my fellow bookies found it rather guilt inducing. I'm as guilt-prone as the next bleeding heart, but it didn't make me feel guilty at all; rather, I found it inspiring for the many possible small changes/choices I could make. A few snippets that may, in turn, inspire you:

-- “If every U.S. citizen ate just one meal a week (any meal) composed of locally and organically raised meats and produce, we would reduce our country’s oil consumption by over 1.1 million barrels of oil every week.”

-- “Each food item in a typical U.S. meal has traveled an average of 1,500 miles. … Energy calories consumed by production, packaging, and shipping far outweigh the energy calories we receive from the food.”

-- “(T)here-quarters of all human food now comes from just eight species, with the field quickly narrowing down to genetically modified corn, soy, and canola.”

-- “Six companies – Monsanto, Syngenta, DuPont, Mitsui, Aventis and Dow – now control 98 percent of the world’s seed sales. These companies invest heavily in research whose purpose is to increase food production capacity only in ways that can be controlled strictly.”

-- “The business of importing foods across great distances is not, by its nature, a boon to Third World farmers, but it’s very good business for oil companies.”

-- “Government quality standards are stricter for tap water than for bottled.”

-- “In 1965, U.S. farmers used 335 million pounds of pesticides. In 1989 they used 806 million pounds. Less than ten years after that, it was 985 million. That’s three and a half pounds of chemicals for every person in the country, at a cost of $8 billion. Twenty percent of these approved-for-use pesticides are listed by the EPA as carcinogenic in humans.”

-- “Because they grow underground, conventional potatoes are among the most pesticide-contaminated vegetables.”

Next up: I'm reading "The Omnivore's Dilemma," so expect more proselytizing soon.


Quote of the day.

“Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.”
– Maggie Kuhn (founder, Gray Panthers)

"Characters searching for something to search for."

I found this description of Wes Anderson's characters the other day in a review of "The Darjeeling Limited." Maybe that's why I find them so endearing. It's meant to imply a flake alert ... but to me there's no higher compliment.

Life is in the search.


Note for the holiday shopping season:

Before you buy your favorite little one that Barbie doll, or that adorable little getup at Gap Kids, read/listen to this first:

Gap, Mattel, Speedo, Wal-Mart Products Linked to Child and Sweatshop Labor in China and India

Better yet, let her read/listen for herself. If our young'uns knew that all those meaningless little trinkets were made by children just like themselves, forced into 12 hours or more of labor without the food or home or love we have the luxury of taking for granted, I firmly believe they wouldn't find all the bright plastics nearly so alluring.

Only Halloween, and already I'm bombarding you with politically correct Christmas shopping advice ...


What doesn't kill us ...

This little tidbit from the Washington Post makes me more appreciative of the stresses/stressors in my own life:

Stress Makes Birds More Daring

Birds bred to have higher levels of stress hormones are bolder -- not more scared and retiring -- when faced with a potentially hazardous new situation, a surprising study has found. The "stressed" birds were more willing to visit a feeder in a new cage and to return to it after being startled, than were their more laid-back brethren.

Like other animals -- humans included -- the birds respond to stresses such as the presence of a predator or a new environment by producing a hormone, which in birds is called corticosterone. But some birds have naturally higher levels of the hormone than others. ...

"It initially seems counterintuitive that birds with higher levels of the stress hormone showed bolder behavior, normally associated with confidence," said Thais Martins, lead author of the study, published last week in the journal Hormones and Behaviour. "However, corticosterone is released to help tackle stress by encouraging the animal to adopt key survival behaviors like seeking food. So on reflection, perhaps it is not surprising that these birds are more likely to explore the environment and look for food."


Geeky joke of the day: (thanks to Miz AJ for the article in which this appeared)

Q: What do copy editors use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

I have been assimilated.

An add to the Halloween mix below:

Bodysnatchers / Radiohead

Curse "All Songs Considered"! It always forces me to go buy new music. I resist listening to the podcasts for just this reason ... then I overindulge and listen to, like, five at a time.

I've never been much of a Radiohead fan, but hearing just a few clips from the online release of "In Rainbows" made me crave it. So lush and orchestral ... without the self-indulgent weirdness of "OK Computer." I can't listen to anything else.

Also "have to have" the new Jolie Holland, a Senegalese singer named Youssou N'Dour, and some Chinese punk compilation.


Quote of the day:

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." -- Andre Gide


Annoyance of the day:

Have you ever finally, after much searching, found exactly the perfect product -- after trying many, rejecting each, finally happened upon the perfect solution to your problem -- and then been unable to find it, anywhere, ever again?

For me, it's a hair clip. It's so great. It has rubber grips so it really stays in place. It's big enough to hold my thick hair. It simply does not budge. And I cannot find another. Anywhere.

If you see such an awesome, rubber, hair-gripping, badass black hair clip, buy it -- I promise I'm good for it.


Also ISO ...

I need a new word. Not a mantra, exactly. I don't know what to call it. I have a word (a name, actually) that is the first thing in my head, on my lips even, in the morning, the last at night. It has absolutely no connection with my current life. Its meaning has long since transcended the person to whom the name is connected. I think it is just the word I put to my yearning for ... more. For what I want my life to be.

And so, entonces, I need to find a new word to associate with this feeling, a substitute I can use to retrain my thought pattern. Something positive; something forward-moving; something that puts me, mentally, in charge of my own destiny, instead of giving a smidgen of even symbolic power to someone long since gone from my life.

Ideas?

OK, off to bed -- up early for my tuberculosis test (for Peace Corps). Wish me luck! ;-)

Is it just me ...

... or is this just really, really funny?

(If you're wondering, it's the pod left over after a canna stops blooming.)


Open. And closed. And open ...

Lil' Bro called this rainy morning, suggesting it might be a good day to put in my new garage door opener, the one that's been sitting in its box, propping up the north wall, for a month now. Huzzah! I thought ... we'll be done by noon, and I can still get in a good workout ... exchange a top at the dreaded mall ... accomplish some more readin/writin/relaxin a la yesterday ...

Seven hours and one six-pack later, the damn thing finally worked. Matt may have intimate experience with this particular variety of mechanism, but he forgot to take my crumbling, far-from-square old structure into account. A few trips to the hardware store and an afternoon of sitting around later (and that six-pack he drank in the process!), and I prob'ly saved only about $20 off the quote the professionals gave me several months ago. I didn't tell him that.

But here's one of the things I like best about my brother: Despite one setback after another, he didn't (except for a couple of self-directed f-bombs) complain once about the situation. He never does get uptight or annoyed. He just keeps trying to figure out how to solve the problem. And he's pretty upbeat about the journey.

This is not an inherited trait. How did he come to be so zen? Is it the High Life?

I was fairly zen myself this weekend, matter of fact. The rain turned my beds into a goopy clay mush, so no garden work as was the plan. I actually allowed myself to sink into relaxation mode, with only a modicum of guilt.

I feel grateful to have so many someones who are so willing to help. And grateful that my good fortune (despite my constant fears of falling into the financial abyss) allows me such luxuries as a garage door opener. I was getting along just fine on muscle power, but it will be nice to have as winter closes in (and it looks like I'll be braving another Nebraska winter). I've found I don't mind living without a lot of things I once considered essential ... a dishwasher, a savings account, a man ...


Peace, out.

Tomorrow is my first Peace Corps interview. The more steps I complete, the more excited I get. I really do see this happening. On Friday I signed up to volunteer with Nebraska AIDS Project to get some experience. The people there are so warm and lovely, I can hardly wait to hang out with them. After a weekend of training in early November, I'll be certified to do HIV testing; also hope to do education and outreach. They're just kind of reinvigorating their volunteer situation, so it seems a mutually beneficial setup. Symbiosis!


Quote of the day.

"Optimism is true moral courage."
-- Sir Ernest Shackleton

Bed, book and candle.

These nights, dark already by the time I'm home, confuse my biorhythms. Only 8 p.m. and I want to drink soup, curl under an afghan, read long classic novels. And so I do. Never mind it's 65 degrees out and not all *that* dark. Practicing my hibernation skills.

Only practicing, though. Not down for the winter count yet.


Maybe now they'll make passes?

Been a long time since I got new glasses ... not sure how I feel about them yet ...


And new bling from Tsuru, the adorable new shop on 14th:



Best news of the day.

Miz K calls me all shrieking this afternoon. Turns out our idol, Neko Case, is performing in Tucson the night after I get there for my birthday visit. Are we going? Oh, hell to the yes!

Related trivia note: Which Neko Case disc was recorded in Tucson? Tell me the answer and I'll buy you a ... hmm, don't know any local-to-Tucson brews. OK, I'll buy you a tequila shot.


Worst news of the day.

Geez, take your pick:

1) Mass rapes in Congo.

2) More civilians dead due to more contractor clusterfucks in Iraq.

Or, and not at all to make light of those ...

3) The idea of me in a wetsuit, which that surfer boy in Austin intimates may be in my near future ...

Meanwhile, in Nigeria ...

The New York Times says the country's all ducky now that Yar Adua's in charge ...

Human Rights Watch, on the other hand, says Nigeria's democracy has been "hijacked" by rampant government corruption.

And peace worker Judith Asuni is still being held, without bail, on espionage charges, without being able to answer the accusations nor even know the details of the government's "case."

Quote of the day.

"When the best-case scenario is still bad, over-analyzing the situation is a waste of your time."
-- Catty Girls Advise


Laugh of the day.

Walked into the news meeting this afternoon and suddenly realized I'd had my sweater on backwards all day. Did I bother to change it? No, I did not.

New phrase of the day.

Apparently, according to my cuz in the HR biz, the term is no longer "passive-aggressive," since there's usually nothing passive about it. Now it's known as "covert-aggressive." I don't know why I like this so much. Or I do know, but I'm certainly not going to tell you.


Currently reading: "The Good Earth," Pearl Buck
Currently hearing: 12 Girls Band (goes well with the novel's China theme)

Things that made me happy today.

1) Finally compiling all the materials for my Nigeria presentations this week and next. I've heard Bill Clinton gets $30k a pop for such gigs. But then, I'm not sure he's played the Schuyler Rotary Club or my mom's PEO circle. I'll be lucky to get a meat-free meal.

2) Finally making contact with someone from the Nebraska AIDS Project, in hopes of finding satisfying/worthwhile volunteer work.

3) Hearing that, despite the national efforts of an anti-choice minority, a new Planned Parenthood clinic is open and serving women and families in Aurora, Colo.

4) Teva's keeyooot new line of fall shoes made entirely of post-consumer recycled materials. (My favorite = the Riley)

5) Reading Anita Hill's bitchslap to Clarence Thomas over his revisioned version of history.

6) Coming up with the bright idea (pun intended) that just because there's no official plan to make Lights Out San Francisco a nationwide event, that doesn't mean we can't celebrate on our own! Mark your calendars: Oct. 20, 8-9 p.m. You can live without electricity for one lousy hour, can't you? Candles and quiet and all that might bring into your life? Try it! Let me know how it works!

7) Subsequently realizing I'll be in Austin for Lights Out. Pretty sure I can live without electricity for one hour, even in a strange city.


And things that made me sad. And mad.

1) Hearing Seymour Hersh on "Fresh Air" talking about the devastating consequences likely if the current regime keeps beating its worn-out ol' war drum on Iraq. Pay attention now, people. The national spin is rotating in that direction.

2) Learning that Judith Asuni, one of the peace activists we met with in Nigeria, is being held by the government there on trumped-up espionage charges. Apparently, she helped some German documentary filmmakers gain access to rebels in the dangerous oil delta. She has done so much to illuminate the plight of this devastated region of a poverty-stricken country ... the charges can't be anything but a trumped-up way to get a muckraker out of the way. But I can't find any new information, and I am worried for her safety.

3) Reading this article about working conditions for Brazilians fueling the ethanol industry. Does any of this fuel trickle up north? Do I support this when I buy the ethanol blend here in Nebraska? I hope not. Bad enough that using ethanol supports yet more pesticide use and subverts the possibility of switching to far more logical/economical/efficient switchgrass.


And what of feeling happy or sad?

Here's an odd little story about a study that finds people who are used to being happy end up just having higher expectations for happiness.

"When good things happen, they don't count for much because they are what you expect. When bad things happen, you temporarily feel terrible, because you've gotten used to being happy."

Hmm. This gives me much to navel-gaze over.

As does this:


Quote of the day.

“The value of the dwelling is in the dweller.”
-- Idries Shah, Sufist author

"The purpose of freedom is to free someone else."

-- Toni Morrison

(BBC photo)

Easy things you can do to show the world is watching the military's treatment of the people of Burma/Myanmar:

Sign this petition that will be sent to the United Nations.

If you're on Facebook, join the group to Support the Monks' Protest in Burma.

And if you're in Lincoln, Nebraskans for Peace is sponsoring a vigil Saturday at 5 p.m. at 15th & O streets.


I melt(down) with you:

Ryan Adams has meltdown at Minneapolis concert


Love your songwriting, Ryan, but get a grip -- read the above to see what's really worth melting down over.


Out of the (trash) bag

NPR/Marketplace is launching a series on our unsustainable (in so many senses of the world) consumer economy. Cohost Tess Vigeland has been hauling her own garbage around for a week, drawing attention to the humongoid pile of waste each of us creates, every single day. You can join the trash challenge, if you dare. I have to admit I don't.


Quote of the day:

"I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly."
-- John Dorian

What's the story?

Morning glory vines go crazy everywhere I plant them ... horribly invasive. Yet they practically never flower. Here's one, of a handful. Such a pretty purpley-blue, they're almost worth the trouble.

I've heard it's possible to develop allergies, and I'm afraid that's what I've gone and done. Suddenly this fall, working in the yard brings on such an eye-tearing, nose-tickling, multiple-sneeze-inducing, head-heavying sensation that I can hardly stand it.


A bout of babysitting the niece and nephews this weekend. Ryan, at 17 months, is heavily into an "I won't smile, and you can't make me" phase.

Family obligations cut into my weekend, making me feel as if I'd wasted my entire Saturday. Sad that I see it as wasted when I spend time with people who love me, instead of getting minutiae crossed of my "list."

But I did manage to check off two biggies:

1. I sent off the Peace Corps application. Now to tackle phase 2, the preliminary medical questionnaire, and to find appropriate volunteer experience.

2. With my remaining United miles, I booked a trip to Austin in October. Between that trip and Tucson in November, I have much to look forward to in the short term ... spending time in cool places, with very cool friends.

Thoughts for the day:

1.

2.

When women stop carrying
mirrors with them
everyplace they go
maybe then
they can talk to me
about
liberation
-- Bukowski

3.

What is past is prologue.
-- Shakespeare, by way of Miz K

4.

Beer is proof that god loves us & wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

5.

You gotta drop to juggle.
-- Mark, by way of Vance

My new mantra.

"I dwell in possibility."

-- Emily Dickinson

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I particularly like these daylilies.

But bunnies have demolished my hollyhocks. I've coated the entire area with red pepper flakes as a deterrent. Limited success.


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Currently reading: "The Shia Revival: How Conflicts within Islam Will Shape the Future," by Vali Nasr ('bout time, huh, William?)

Currently listening: "A-Ma-Zone," Zap Mama

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