However, the change puts me in the PC category of deferral rather than clearance. I would need to be treated and then wait for confirmation of a normal pap before starting the placement process again. It likely would take several paps at three-month intervals before I could be cleared to relaunch the placement process. At that point, I probably would have to begin the entire medical process again.
I won't know for sure until I get the biopsy. I have a letter ready with backup documentation from the CDC, National Cancer Institute and other medical organizations showing that this diagnosis requires only monitoring, not treatment.
But I have to prepare for the likelihood that I will not be leaving in June. Or, more than likely, entering PC at all. Not because I am physically unfit to serve, but because I don't fit the bureaucratic box that must be checked.
I have invested everything I have into realizing this dream. I've quit my job and lost any financial security. I am trying to sell my house and will be unable to afford it regardless of the PC outcome. My car lease is due and I can't afford to buy it or even a junker. I have just enough in liquid assets to see me through until I was to board the plane June 10.
I have no desire to try to reclaim the job, the house, etc.
But I also have no idea what will happen next.
This scares me far more than any of the silly worries about snakes, spiders, solitude, sanitation or hardships of PC life.
I may be out of touch for a few days. Alternatively, I may be excessively needy. Either way I ask for understanding/respect. Thanks.
6 comments:
::hugs::
Vicky
My heart is sure with you, Becki. If there is any way in which I can help please, please let me know.
How very sad and unfair. My earnest prayers are with you.
Ugh! What craziness. As always, you are in my prayers. I'm channeling all the love my little 5'2" frame can send your way!
-nealy
I'm not sure if it's any comfort at this point- but I had some dysplastic moles (which my derm failed to notify me about until ONE year after they were found)- this meant I had to be in a country where I could have a checkup every six months (meaning I'M FINE- just need a check up)- that's why they pulled me from Mauritania and invited me to TZ- as long as TZ has the facilities to give you a check up like you need I think you'll be fine- and I guess- of all countries in the developing world- TZ is one that actually has the facilities.
Good luck- and let your fellow invitees know of any news. I really hope this works out for you.
I really hope this will work for you.
Best of luck.
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