Guess what I didn't have for dinner?

Back from a family vacation -- the folks, brother/sister-in-law, niece and nephews -- to Lake of the Ozarks. Chilly, damp days spent mostly watching the free entertainment embodied by a 2-year-old whose infinite inflectual variations on "Da-doh" can mean anything from "Daddy" to "Mommy" to "refill on the juice, por favor" to "would y'all stop with the googly eyes and the tickly fingers for one freakin' minute, please?"

A detour the first night to Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City. Manufactured, overpriced fun -- but fun it was. Water slides rule!

Cliche, I know, but it is hard watching one's parents age. Mine are becoming slower, more anxious. My dad's hearing almost completely gone, and while he has hearing aids he seems to prefer the solitude of deafness, insulated from participating in the conversation until he senses the opportunity for a monologue. And wanting to still be of use, but efforts at "helping" usually just put him in the way. As far as Mom goes, one must always feign great enthusiasm or risk hurt feelings.

My ex-mother-in-law died the day before we left. I'm recognizing the need to reconcile my adult relationship with my parents now, so I don't have lingering regrets when it's too late.

Home, now, from our little family adventure; wallowing gleefully in solitude.

------------

Not a moment of Peace.

I was so sure I'd come home to a letter informing me where I'll be heading this summer. Miz Jill even checked my mail daily, all for naught. (Thanks, J!)

Emailed my placement officer today to see if there's any news. The ever-cryptic Peace Corps response: "You have been qualified for service and are currently being reviewed for available projects that can accommodate your medical needs. Once a project has been identified, you will be contacted regarding the next steps. Thanks so much for your continued patience and flexibility."

But just now, obsessively checking my online application status, where I swear it previously said "Peace Corps has completed your medical review. There are no medical holds on your account at this time," it now says: "A decision has been reached regarding your medical review. Please look for a letter in the mail."

Which is what it said before I got my rejection letter.

I am trying not to worry.

patienceisavirtue...patienceisavirtue...patienceisavirtue ...

------------

Further thanks to Miz Jill for urging me to read "The Poisonwood Bible." One of those books I miss, like a good friend, now that I've finished it. If I didn't have so much else to do, I'd dive right back into it again.

The right book at the right time. A reminder that we Americans are hardly the saviors of the African continent; in too many cases, we are the cause of much of their wars, their poverty in the face of great natural resources. As a Peace Corps volunteer I won't be swooping down with my red Mighty Mouse cape to save the day.

I think of more as reparations. We have done much in the name of our country to hurt Africa; I hope to do some small part to atone, to set right.

A reminder, also, that we in the "developed" world do not have all or even most of the answers. Sit on my hands for a good while, observe and immerse myself, before leaping to solution conclusions.

------------

Currently reading: 

"The Invisible Cure: Africa, The West, and The Fight Against AIDS" by Helen Epstein 

Change is coming.

Now that I have my medical clearance, the Peace Corps wheels suddenly turn more quickly. Kind of mirrors how winter drags on, and then it seems so suddenly the tulip pips have burst out of the ground, the air smells of fresh earth and the sunshine makes all the difference in the world in warmth and morale.

My placement officer called Friday. I'm still being considered for an African placement, and the program she's looking at would leave in June. I should get my invitation in a week or so.

The biggest surprise: While my HIV volunteer work will come in handy wherever I land, she said, she's actually looking at me for a gardening/community agriculture placement. I'm thrilled ... and slightly intimidated. I know how to play at gardening in my back yard, yet even that never turns out nearly as well as I envision before I start planting. Who am I to teach anyone about cultivating an entirely different kind of earth, under a virtually different sun?

In hearing me go on about my fears of agricultural inadequacy, Miz Jill asked if I'd read Barbara Kingsolver's "The Poisonwood Bible," about a missionary family who spend a year in the Congo. Strangely, I'd never read it -- despite being a huge Kingsolver fan and this universally acknowledged as her best novel.

"Just remember," Jill said, "if they plant in mounds, follow their lead."

Good advice. If only the Rev. Price had been more willing to learn from those he'd sent himself to "save."

Started the book this weekend and hope to make it last it through the coming week's vacation. It may be a novel, I may not end up in the Congo, but I can already tell that gardening in mounds isn't the only tip I'll get out of this.


Speaking of books ...

Check out my Goodreads page. It's a cool site Miz K turned me on to. You can keep track of the books you've read, write reviews, and see what other people have to say about the books they're reading.

http://www.goodreads.com


It's not too loud, but apparently I'm too old.

If I were as hip as I like to think I am, instead of writing this I'd be dancing to X at Sokol Underground. Tickets $20, venue an hour away, on a Sunday night when I have to work in the morning ...

Back in the day this was one of my favorite bands, Exene my squeaky wailing heroine. I've never had the opportunity to see them.

Who have I become?

Well, I'd better become someone more focused on selling a house and tying up loose ends. I may have only a couple of months before my next big adventure. ...

A change of season.

The vernal equinox is Thursday at 12:48 a.m. CST. Spring is coming -- do something to celebrate!

Peace in the Mideast ... when?

Meant to make note of yesterday being the fifth anniverary of Rachel Corrie's death, mowed down by an Israeli military bulldozer while serving as a human shield, trying to Palestinians' homes from destruction in the Gaza Strip. I just finished reading her journals, from childhood until a few days before she died.

------------

And, of course, Wednesday is the fifth anniversary of the U.S. invasion of Iraq. That makes it four years and two months after "Mission Accomplished."

If you wish to mark this sad milestone:

Who: Nebraska Coalition for Peace, Nebraskans for Peace
What: 5th Anniversary of the Iraq War - Anti-war/Peace Vigil to remind us that 5 years is too many years of the U.S. invasion/occupation of Iraq
Where: Corner of 16th and "O" Street, Lincoln, NE, near the Federal Building
When: Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 5-6:00 p.m.
Program: We will be solemnly reading the names of the fallen, both U.S. soldiers and Iraqis
Contact: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nebraskacoalitionforpeace

------------

And in nearby Afghanistan, here's what President Bush told U.S. troops last week (via Democracy Now):

“If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed. ... It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history. And thanks.”

------------

PC update: Got an email over the weekend asking for an update on my volunteer work with Nebraska AIDS Project -- which means they're considering where to place me ... and, hopefully, that I indeed will be working on HIV issues. My placement officer's assistant was enthusiastic about the info I provided -- the amount of time I spend volunteering and especially the fact that I'm certified to do HIV testing. She said I can expect to hear back from my P.O. in two to four weeks.

Again: This is not my America.

I'm listening to today's "Democracy Now" via podcast. Please, make a special effort to listen to today's edition. Amy Goodman has extensive coverage of the Winter Soldier conference of returned U.S. troops protesting the Iraq war. The stories they are telling of what they did, and what they saw, is horrendous. We need to know this, so we can stop this. Please listen.

www.democracynow.org

Now with soundtrack!

Spent an idle Sunday afternoon ... after another lovely Sher-E-Punjab brunch with Meleeska and the Bookstore Maven ... figuring out how to add music to my blog. Playlist/controls at the bottom of the page. Found a site that both makes it easy to upload a playlist and has many of the songs I was looking for. Let me know if anything seems to be misbehaving.

The significance of each:

1) Evolve -- This came out just as I was making a mental 180 and finally figuring out that my life could be what I wanted it to be, not what was expected of me.

2) Free -- From around the same time; the two songs go hand-in-hand for me, for obvious reasons.

3) Girls Like Me -- From the "Valley Girl" soundtrack, like, duh!

4) Bicycle, Bicycle, You Are My Bicycle -- If this doesn't get you in the mood to go tear up the trails, nothing will. "We're on two wheels, baby!"

4) Floorboard Blues -- for one of the best lyrics ever: "It's a fucked-up world but this ol' girl, well, she ain't givin' in."

5) At Last -- for another go-to lyric: "I own every bell that tolls me."


------------


Did you know there's an anti-torture act in Congress? It needs more support to get it to a vote. Can you believe we need to push for support on this?

From Common Dreams: Since the War on Terror began in 2001, detainees in the "care" of American forces have been urinated on, doused with phosphoric acid, sodomized with batons, had their lungs forcibly filled with water, shipped abroad to even more brutal regimes, and so much worse. That's not my America.

You can click the link below to send your representative a message on how you want her/him to vote:

Tell Congress: My America doesn't torture!

Wouldn't hurt to check out how your presidential candidate stands to vote as well.


------------

Rang Miz Amy's doorbell last evening. The inimicable Miz Grace answers the door, with huge fake black glasses, a cute little knit cardigan, floaty skirt, maryjanes.

"Nice hipster librarian look you've got going there," I told her.

"Thank you! That's exactly what I'm going for," she said. Turns out she's practicing her part in the school play.

She returned the compliment: "Did you cut your hair?" she asked.

In nearly a month, she's the third person to notice -- or at least to comment, unsolicited -- on the fact that I've gone darker and chopped a good 3-4 inches off.

It even came up recently at dinner with my family. "Either it's too subtle or it's really horrible," I said.

"Oh, I don't think it's too subtle," my brother shot back.

I love that man.

------------


From her place, Miz Amy and I ventured downtown, met up with Miz Shannon and headed over to Knickerbockers to see the Killigans.

I like Celtic music. I love punk music. I should like Celtic punk, no?

Maybe it was just that I was having one of those "I'm too old" days ... my back so tight and stiff I had trouble even swaying to the music ... and stupidly wearing heels that made my feet scream by night's end.

Even so, I managed to lure a charming gentleman, in full-on biker regalia, who swayed next to me for awhile, whispered an inappropriate compliment into my ear, then introduced himself as "Gascap."

Suddenly we three ladies all had babysitters to get home to -- even me. Plan A was to introduce him to my TWO lesbian lovers, but I was afraid that'd just lead him on.

Sadly, this is the most significant romantic assignation I've had of late.

And, in my hurry to escape, I apparently left my favorite scarf behind. Just a $5 Target knit scarf, an acessory I hope not to need again for a very long time ... but I really like it and am debating whether it's too geeky to call Knickerbockers tomorrow and see if they have it.

Shannon and Amy were grooving away, and that was lovely to see. These ladies deserve a good time!

------------

My evening:

Gym = Good.

(After Indian brunch, followed by an afternoon on the sofa with cookies, which = Bad, but also Good.)

Old men in tuxes singing doo-wop instead of Jane Austen on PBS = Very Bad. (This is how they're trying to solicit Begging Week donations??)

Scrabulous with Miz K = Very Good. My favorite way to end/start the week!

Seems it's for real.

As of this morning I am, indeed, now fully cleared for medical.

Now we just wait for an invitation.

Despite the delay, I still seem to be on track for May. But since I'd gotten it into my head that it wouldn't happen, I'm suddenly freaking out. I have a house to sell! A life to pack up! A job to quit! Friends and family -- here and down south -- to soak up before I take off for two years!

Anyone wanna buy a cute little starter bungalow in an adorable, family-centered neighborhood? Anyone?? Hellooo???

------------

Meanwhile, I have brainpower freed up to rant again. Here's the scariest thing I've seen all week (scarier even than Eliot Spitzer's eerie alien eyes):

Petroleum feeds patriarchy

If that's not enough to get you to click on the link, I feel compelled to give you the first few paragraphs:

Climate change. Pollution. Financial expense.

Our gas-guzzling ways have long been associated with a variety of problems, but disturbing evidence now points to a new dimension of our love affair with petroleum: Oil consumption and high oil prices hurt the political, social and economic development of millions of women in oil-producing nations.

You read that right. The more gas you pump and the higher oil prices get, the more likely you are to harm women's empowerment.

... Oil wealth, not Islam, is the primary reason that these nations have regressive gender policies ...

Here's the upshot: Oil-rich countries such as UAE and Saudi Arabiacan can buy goods from abroad instead of manufacturing items themselves. That means fewer low-wage jobs, which means fewer entry-level jobs for women, which means no transforming of the traditional patriarchy as has happened elsewhere when women enter the workforce.

The Washington Post article, and the research on which it's based, spell it out quite alarmingly. Go, read! I'll wait. ...

------------

While we're ranting about energy, here's another article on the evils of corn-based ethanol
(nicked from this cool local blog that seems to focus on energy issues):

Study: Corn ethanol worse than gasoline

And, from aavaz.org, a petition for the summer G8 conference:

Don't burn food: Biofuel standards now!

------------

Mark your calendars:

Dining Out for Life is Tuesday, April 8. A variety of dining establishments will be giving some of their proceeds that day to Nebraska AIDS Project. You don't have to do anything but eat and/or drink. I'll be handing out info and ribbons at The Mill that morning. Come say hi!

------------

Currently reading:

Let Me Stand Alone: The Journals of Rachel Corrie

(She's the young American who was killed by a bulldozer while protesting the destruction of Palestinian homes in the Gaza Strip. Amazingly insightful and well written, even from her teen years.)

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

The White Album by Joan Didion

------------

Emotional whiplash.

I owe so much to the friends who've indulged my moping and listened to my rants and fears over the past few days. I've been pretty low, and y'all helped bring me out of my funk. Thanks and love to each of you.

But, as the indomitable Miz K points out, the labor pains are forgotten once the newborn is in your arms.

Came home this evening to find a Peace Corps envelope in my mailbox. WTF, I thought -- they've rejected my appeal already?

Well, no, they didn't. Quite the opposite.

I'm cleared for medical. One more piece of unrelated paperwork to get signed and returned, but it's just a formality.

I'm kind of in shock.

Rushed over to the brother's house so I could tell someone in person -- have them read the letter to make sure it really said what I thought it said. And it did.

As Matt and Paige were congratulating me, Emma came in to see what the fuss was about. "That's great!" she told me. "This calls for gum!" (Aunt B is just a giant gum factory for her favorite 8-year-old.)

After the celebratory gum, Paige took me for a celebratory beer. Third Stone has never tasted so good. We read the letter again and again and traded ideas about where I might end up, and for the first time in ages someone even made eyes at me from the bar. (The bar at Brewsky's, but still...)

I still have to receive an invitation -- the when and where. Until that happens, I can't really believe this is really happening. But I'm 90 percent sure it is. You'll know when I know.

Back in contact.

Yes, I'm alive, and blogging about what I can manage to blog about ...


My top 13 must-sees if I were going to SXSW (in alphabetical order):

Airlane: Who knew there was a Gary Numan tribute band? Back in my techno-emo days I spent much time pondering: Are friends electric?

Body of War: Kimya Dawson's in it, which is all I know and all I need to know. Who's got the crack?

Sera Cahoone: Her first release is one of my favorite driving CDs ... an ethereally folksy voice, sadly complacent in her lulling.

Cockcleaner: List says they're punk. I just like the name. (May substitute Gangbang or The Dicks)

Alejandro Escavedo: Got to see him do the last song of his last set at Antone's last fall. A master songwriter.

The Evangelicals: Like a poppier M. Ward (see below).

Christine Fellows: If anyone makes an overdramatized movie version of my life, "Souvenirs" should be the music that swells over the montage scene just before the anticlimactic end.

Janeane Garofalo: She's listed under the genre "chanteuse." The iTunes store offers no proof. But I'd go just to hear her recite her grocery list. Do you think she has a grocery list? Does Janene do her own shopping? Know what -- I bet she does.

Dawn Landes: So I like folksy, yearny, singer-songwriter chicks. Sue me.

Carolyn Mark: She once partnered with Neko Case as The Corn Sisters. Her song "Not Another Other Woman" cracks me up.

The Sadies: Another former Neko collaborator. Think they were her backing band for her cover of Loretta Lynn's "Rated X," which is in my list of Top 10 Songs I Karaoke in the Privacy of My Own Home, Complete With Choreography And Costume Changes All Worked Out In My Head)

She and Him: Zooey Deschanel with M. Ward. Her floaty voice surprisingly substantial, and a great match for his lush orchestration

Yo La Tengo: They're amazingly diverse ... each CD so different from the last. 

Not on the list:

Eagle Seagull: 'Cuz we're lucky enough to be able to see them right here at home.

Tilly and the Wall: Ditto. (Though seeing them at Sokol last summer, surrounded by, oh, I'd guess 13- to 14-year-olds, made me feel Too Damn Old To Do This Shit Anymore.) 

Tia Carerra: Seeing her on the list summoned up that old "Sesame Street" song: "One of these things is not like the other ... which one doesn't belong?"

Sigh ... but you know, despite your friendly hometown newspaper dropping a load of money to send a certain over-the-hill reporter to Austin each year to cover this showcase for new bands, all we'll be fed in GZ is REM and Van Morrison and whatever other aging rockers Le K. can still manage to identify with. (See last year's story on Iggy Pop, 30-some years too late.) Bonus points if L.K. passed said rockers in a hotel lobby once so he can wax on and on about how they're such good ol' friends ...

And, if I hadn't publicly committed myself to buying no new music for two months, these would be mine:

Goldfrapp: I like the new CD, "Seventh Heaven," but think I need "Supernature" more.

She and Him: Volume One. Hm, think maybe it's not out yet, so I'm not yet missing out.

Can I cheat, just a little, and get these in time for the family roadtrip to Lake of the Ozarks at month's end? Think the folks would mind if I popped these in their CD player? You know, in between the barbershop and the Basie???