LincolnWriter

The final countdown.

2008-09-03T11:33:00.002-05:00

Won’t pretend I haven't had my freakout moments, but the past few days have brought also a sense of calm. I’m ready. It’s long past time to move forward and into this new phase of my life.

My last days in Lincoln have been busy, but with plenty of fun mixed in. A lovely going-away party yesterday eve, with all of my favorite Lincoln ladeez. Homemade sushi night with the adorable Miz Amy. Some relaxing days with the family. A couple of last nights out on the town.

In between all my last-minute adventures, trying to pack myself into two bags and a carryon. I’ve become fairly ruthless about downsizing yet again; a sense of freedom increases with every item I set aside. Can you believe I’ve jettisoned books? It’s true! Don’t worry too much … I’m told Morocco’s Peace Corps office has the best library in the organization.

The Mizzes Amy, Cinnamon and Melissa have been so generous to me this summer … offering up their homes, their vehicles and their attention. Even better, they’e each helped me indulge in last-minute cravings for Mexican food … or at least chips and salsa with margaritas. And of course Miz Krista’s moral support from too many miles away. And everyone else who has given me a boost along this past year’s path … thank you! I’m bringing y’all along on this new journey.

Shwiya b shwiya.

The new blog is up and running at http://shwiya-b-shwiya.blogspot.com (note those hyphens).

I’m not sure whether I’ll keep posting here or not. Maybe when I need to vent in ways I don’t necessarily want to share with everyone who’s in on the new site. But for now, look for me in my new home.

Thank you for reading thus far. Hope you’ll change the channel to stick around for the coming adventure.

T minus 10 days.

2008-08-26T05:51:00.000-05:00

I've managed to pack up my few summer clothes and household goods and vacate the summerhouse the Bookstore Maven so graciously lent me. A bit sooner than I'd anticipated, but it's all good. My new digs at Miz Amy's feel like home -- a very good feeling, considering the nomad I have been and am about to become.

So in the next 10 days, all I have to do is:

* Haul more boxes to storage.

* Pack for two years in Morocco, adhering to the two-bag, 107-linear-inch, 80-pound limit.

* Get upstate for a couple of days with my parents.

* Hang out with the niece and nephews.

* Last-minute shopping (long underwear – ugh!; some electronics and toiletries, and absolutely no more books or iTunes)

* Hopefully another night on the town (Miz Amy and I planning to see Chris Duarte at The Zoo on Saturday night ... anyone with us?)

* Visit and photograph all the places and people (and food!) I love here in L-Town.

* Hoping for at least one more long bike ride.

* Get serious about studying the beginner’s Darija (Moroccan Arabic) lessons before takeoff.

* Archive all of my photos, documents, music from my hard drive.

* Create a photo album to show my American life to my new Moroccan host families.

* Buy overseas property insurance; pay off credit cards; order enough prescriptions to cover my first three months of training.

* Launch new Morocco-specific blog.

* Family dinner the day before Labor Day.

* Farewell party with las chicas (muchas gracias to Miz Amy for hosting).

* Hitch a tear-filled ride to the airport the morning of Sept. 5!

Blegh. Feeling more than a bit stressed about all I have to do in such a short time. Mostly because I’m so unsure about what comes next, and I’m pretty much not in control. But I also know all that must be done will get done, and it’ll be over before I know it.

Next up: Staging.

My Peace Corps adventure begins with orientation Sept. 6-7 in Philadelphia. This is known as “staging,” when I’ll gather with the other new trainees, in Youth Development and Small Business Development, get a basic lowdown on Peace Corps policies and fill out paperwork.

From Philly, we take a bus to New York, then board a direct, eight-hour flight to Casablanca. (Hard to believe my world can change so quickly.) Next, another bus to Rabat, for a few days in a hotel while we get inoculations (hoping I’m already good on that front!), begin to learn about our program sectors and maybe even see a bit of the capital city.

From there, the intensive 11-week training program begins. My Youth Development colleagues and I will move to Azrou, a small city 2.5 hours east of Rabat. At our seminar site we’ll be immersed in language lessons, develop skills for our new jobs, and learn about cultural adaptability, safety and staying healthy. I’ll be living with a host family in order to further practice my language and cultural skills.

But we’ll also spend a certain amount of time in “community-based training,” traveling in small groups to villages where we can start practicing our job skills. That means we’ll be practicing our ability to work in established “dar chababs,” or youth centers. It also means a second host family and a lot of back-and-forth travel.

Throughout the three months of training, I’ll face regular evaluations on my language and technical progress. Sometime in October, I’ll learn my permanent site for the next two years, and I’ll be sworn in as a Peace Corps volunteer on Nov. 20 – two days after my 41st birthday.

Currently reading: "Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books," Azar Nafisi

Currently hearing: "What I Be," Michael Franti

Back from the Southwest.

2008-08-21T18:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting. My mini-vacay in Tucson/Mexico went by in a whir; here's a one-photo synopsis:

That photo is staged, btw ... staged like a fourth Iranian nuclear missile. More good pics on Jill's Facebook page; I'm uploading my pitiful shots to Flickr right now. More to come ...

Tucson was a nice diversion before the Big Trip commences. I can really see myself living there someday ... a crunchy-but-kind vibe, good music scene, surrounded by gorgeous mountains. Almost makes me a bit wistful ... I'm at a stage where I spend a certain amount of time wondering whether I'm on the right path. Natural, I suppose, when embarking on a new path, especially when visibility is hampered on the road ahead and one must navigate solely by intuition.

Jill came and met us for a quick trip to Puerto Penasco. Who knew there was a Mexican beach three-plus hours from Tucson? Didn't hit the road until Thursday evening, but the timing made the drive worthwhile. One of the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen -- not for the sun itself, but for the way it backlit the dramatic clouds cocooning craggy mountains, highlighting organ pipe, saguaro, scrubby cholla and other cacti on nature preserves on both sides of the border.

Next day, after lunch and Negra Modelos on the pier, then bartering for boogie boards in the tourist district, we headed back to the hotel and its neighboring private beach. I'd never been bodysurfing before, and despite the board rash that now covers most of my right thigh, it was totally worth it. The perfect beach afternoon/evening. Cocktails, surf, friends; rinse and repeat.

Back in Tucson, Miz K threw a fantastic birthday bash for herself, complete with live music and the best potluck I've ever attended. Her new friends can throw down the snark with the best of them, and her new beau is an absolute delight.

Now that I'm back in Lincoln I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Time to pack up the remains of my life here and say goodbye to everyone I love. The two-week countdown begins tomorrow.

Mexico road trip by the numbers:

Badass bitches in Jillie's Subaru: 3

Cameras: 4

Variety of animal crossing signs on reservation highway from Tucson to Mexico: 9 (ram, cattle, human, prairie dog, deer, antelope, coyote, roadrunner, quail

Actual animal sightings: 1 coyote; many stray dogs; innumerable toads

Skipping CDs mended by a single lick of Miz J's saliva: 1

Boogie boards: 3

Collective post-bodysurfing board rashes: 4 (at least)

Sunglasses lost to Sea of Cortez: 2

Toe rings lost: 1

Jellyfish sightings: 1

Jellyfish stings: 0

Chuck Norris joke books: 1*

*Best Chuck Norris joke: When Chuck Norris has sex he is always on top ... because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

Giant "white pride" tattoos on pretty American boy trying to darken his skin on a Mexican beach: 1 (irony, anyone?)

Successful attempts to talk Mexican police out of traffic ticket without a bribe: 1

Vendors eager to sell me a glass pipe: 5 (only me, btw, not the Mizzes K & J. Por que?)

Peace on a chain.

2008-08-10T16:47:00.005-05:00

The Divine Miz Emily, local purveyor of fine imports and my personal guruess, gave me this little pendant that means so much to me at this stage in my life. The front says “Peace” in Arabic; the back has a spiral indentation. Could it be more appropriate for me?

Desert-bound.

Gawd, am I ready to get out of this town.

Luckily, I leave manana en la manana!

This isn't the big goodbye ... just the big pre-goodbye adventure. Goin' down Tucson way to visit Miz K. She, Miz J and I are drivin' down to Mexico for a couple days on the beach at Puerto Penasco. Then a big birthday bash for the K-ladee. Some hiking, I hope. Can't wait to get down there.

Lincoln's just irritating me these days. Know I'll miss it somethin' awful when I'm gone, but lately I've been revisiting old behaviors/emotions/ghosts, and not in a terribly healthy way. Maybe it's all part of the process of moving on? Dunno.

Quote of the day:

Overheard at Jones Coffee:

“But he’s already married. He can’t get married again – that’s bigotry!”

On the Trigger.

2008-08-06T18:08:00.007-05:00

Last night was such fun. Korb and I went to see Triggertown at Box Awesome. My darling friend Joellen's darling daughter Terry is the fiddler. And despite having seen them several times now, I only just made the connection between Brad the awesome Community CROPS guy and Brad the badass washtub bass player. They make bluegrass cool. They'll be at the Zoo with the Bellflowers on Aug. 21. Go see 'em ... and buy me a beer!

(photo by proud mama Joellen)

Down on the farm.

Worked my ass off yesterday (when stupid Blogger wouldn't accept my post), volunteering for Community CROPS. No, wait, my ass is still there ... but I did work the skin off my fingers in several places. And it felt great.

Killing myself that I didn't bring my camera. This was my first visit to the farm out west of town. What a cool setup!

For some serendipitous reason, they were awash in volunteers -- five of us. We did a lot of weeding (a LOT of weeding, my favorite activity) ... fixed some drip lines ... put up a snow fence for cucumbers to climb up ... planted a new crop of carrots ... and cleaned up a bunch of miscellaneous junk. I helped an Iraqi newcomer harvest cucumbers and yellow squash. He couldn't speak English, but he gave me an Armenian cucumber -- yellow-green, soft and sweet. No conversation, but we each gnawed on a cucumber, smiling at each other, admiring his rows of bounty. Came home with two yellow squash and a handful of beets. Should be home roasting veggies right now.

Getting closer to Peace (Corps)

Finally got information on my Peace Corps staging, the two-day orientation session before we leave the country. Sept. 6-7 in Philadelphia. I leave Lincoln at 10:55 a.m. on Sept. 5. Seems it's really happening.

We'll be arriving in Morocco just a few days after the beginning of Ramadan. Won't be expected to fast, although it may be difficult to find food during the day. I might give it a try, just to better understand people's sensibilities during this time.

I did a practice pack earlier this week. It's not going to be nearly as difficult as I'd thought to meet the luggage size/weight requirements (two checked bags for a combined total of 107 linear inches and 70 pounds). I still have to cut back some of the toiletries that take up too much space and weight.

It's so funny ...much of the reason I was attracted to Peace Corps was the idea of learning to live with less -- a lot less. To better understand how most of the world lives. But when it comes down to it, I'm having a hard time giving up some silly luxuries: "But I need my facial exfoliant!" The packing guidelines will make some of the decisions for me. And, as my summer is already proving to me, the less I learn to live with, the easier it becomes.

The gang.

2008-08-04T13:30:00.010-05:00

Lot of family time this weekend. On Saturday, we all went to Emma's recital for strings day camp. After only five days on the half-bass, she can bow and pick like a pro. Well, a half-pro, at least. Seriously, it was impressive.

On Sunday, I drove with her mom to drop Emma off for her second year at Camp Kitaki. Mama was emotional. Emma was not (see above).

Then we careened back to Lincoln to watch Chip's last t-ball game. Nothing better than sitting in the late-afternoon, 102-degree sun, watching little boys who don't quite get the concept of being tagged out, or of throwing to any base but first.

Afterward, we got ice cream. Ryan goes for the full-immersion style of indulgence.

-----------

Speaking of families, I'm reading the most interesting book. It's an oral history of multiple generations of a rural Moroccan family, told from two viewpoints -- that of a strongly religious Muslim man with extremely traditional views, and that of his cousin, a U.S. immigrant with a modern viewpoint, especially on the role of women in her country and her family.

The book is a quarter-century old (the local libraries have very little available on recent Moroccan history), but I imagine it's still quite useful and reflective of rural traditions and beliefs. The extent of the misogeny shouldn't shock me, I suppose, but it does. (So does the anti-Jewish and anti-"Christian" -- catchall for "western -- sentiment.)

Women are expected not to leave the home -- unless they are doing the marketing or are somehow ekeing out a living when their husbands will not; yet even for that -- for selling in a public marketplace, or working in a sweatshop for pennies, under a male boss -- they are criticized, often even ostracized, within their family and their village. Certainly a woman is never, ever, out in the evening unless she's a prostitute. Women measure their offspring with two numbers -- the number they've born, and the number (usually around half, but still easily six or more) that have survived past infancy. And for their decades of hard work to take care of their family, they're criticized for their wrinkles and paunch, referred to as "One whose face looks like a mule," etc.

I've been wondering how I'll handle the harassment that I'm assured I'll encounter in Morocco. Western-looking women have it worst, but it is common, apparently, for all women to be harassed on a daily, constant basis. Stares, tongue-clicking and muttering when walking by are the best of it; at worst, I can count on being groped (especially in crowded, anonymous places) and even having my hair stroked and pulled (blonde tresses being such an anomoly in rural areas).

My dear friend Meleeska and I have a new tradition of evening walks, after the worst heat of the day, up around the state Capitol. Walking through my new temporary 'hood, just south of downtown, is the only place in Lincoln where I've encountered anything like the harassment that is commonplace whenever I travel. Can't go a block, some days, without a whistle or catcall. This is not a compliment, for those of you who may be thinking it so. It's a misplaced expression of power by those who generally feel powerless. It's uncomfortable to walk on by without "educating" the offender (also known as giving a piece of my mind), but to engage is only to prolong.

Like much else I've been encountering this summer -- the oppressive heat, the bouts of loneliness, the general instability/uncertainty -- I can only take the optimistic view that this is very good training for what lies ahead. As one current volunteer in Morocco, pointed out, such experiences will give me perspective on and strong solidarity with the women I hope to serve.

Haven't heard about travel plans yet, but I expect to be leaving Lincoln a month from today or tomorrow!

-----------

Quote of the day: "When a woman has had a hard life it is said that she has been cursed by her parents or her husband because of some evil that she has done. When a man has had a hard life, it is said that he is unlucky."

-- Fatima Zohra, "The House of Si Abd Allah: The Oral History of a Moroccan Family

-----------

Currently listening to: "Meet Podington Bear"; Coffee Break French.

2008-07-31T11:24:00.005-05:00

I’d already been planning to mention Tuesday’s “Democracy Now!” piece on the sorry state of the newspaper industry … widespread layoffs, drastic cuts in coverage and newshole, plunging stock prices with Wall Street devaluing the entire industry. Profit margins continue to be perfectly respectable, but because they aren’t as obscene as they had been in the past, newspapers are considered a sinking ship.

Most of this national trend is reflected in the sad state of the local newspaper, but so far my former employer had managed to dodge the layoff question.

Until Wednesday, when it laid off 16 employees – including eight in the newsroom. A great deal of knowledge, talent and skill is being given up in the name of profits. And the way in which it was handled was tacky, as is typical for that operation. Meanwhile, excellent workers left behind in a newsroom where morale is already low are made paranoid, for this likely is just the beginning.

Devaluing everything they espouse to promote: Attention to “local-local” coverage that can’t be found anywhere else; attention to detail in the eyes of that dying breed, the copy editor. Combined with drastic cuts earlier this summer in space for nation/world and local news, it almost seems as if the LJS is trying to put itself out of business.

Before the downward spiral started a little over a year ago, the stock price for Lee Enterprises, which owns the local “product” (they don’t like to refer to “news” nowadays, which should tell you something) routinely traded in the $30-$35 range and sometimes went as high as $40. As of this morning, Lee stock was trading at $3.20 (up from $2.98 a few days ago). One Wall Street blog puts 1 in 8 odds on Lee declaring bankruptcy by year's end.

Industrywide, the crisis is obvious terms of both international news – nearly all of the major players have slashed their foreign correspondent staffs, and the Boston Globe shut its international division down entirely – and in local news, which can be devastating to towns in which the local newspaper is the sole source of news that is more than an official press release.

Journalism once was considered the Fourth Estate, a nongovernmental check on the executive, legislative and judicial branches, without which a healthy democracy could not function. That’s not a view shared by the average American these days. But when there are no more journalists looking for the story behind the sound bite, we’ll all suffer the consequences.

And when there are no legitimate investigative news outlets left operating, who will the blogosphere plagiarize from?

Here are a couple of really good recent pieces on the woes of the newspaper industry:

At Truthdig: “Bad Days for Newsrooms -- and Democracy”

From Eric Alterman at The Nation: "I Read the News Today ... Oh Boy"

Wish I could stand in solidarity with my colleagues who haven’t yet given up hope, but the truth is I’m glad I jumped ship. I’m embarrassed to be associated with the current state of mainstream journalism, locally and nationally.

----------

Currently reading: "This Land Is Their Land: Reports from a Divided Nation" by Barbara Ehrenreich

Currently hearing: "Allegria," The Gipsy Kings

Don't let these men make your birth-control decisions for you!

2008-07-23T13:41:00.005-05:00

Watch McCain squirm over a very basic question on women’s reproductive health rights:

McCain out of touch on birth control

Yeah, it’s kind of funny that he feels ill-equipped to comment on whether it’s right that insurance companies cover Viagra for men but not birth control for women. (Hmm, hitting too close to home there, John-Boy?)

But the reality is less amusing. In the Senate, McCain twice has voted against requiring insurance companies to cover birth control (a move that would not only improve women’s health but would benefit insurance companies as well, as it would help protect against future outlays).

And, meanwhile, he’s still riding out the storm over his old joke about women enjoying rape.

McCain Ape Rape Joke Recalled By Sources

Lovely. Yes, this is exactly who I want setting the tone for our country. Oh, and he’s for the Hundred Years’ War in Iraq, too!

----------

From a feminist blog I've recently discovered and like, here's some more scary news on politics and women's health:

HHS Proposal Undercuts State Birth Control Laws

The Bush administration is trying to push through a new regulation allowing any health-care agency that receives federal funds to refuse to assist women with their contraception needs. Most agencies receive some type of federal money, btw.

Think of what that would mean -- for the women you know -- and, oh yeah, men, too, 'cause from what I understand it takes one of each to make a baby. Think of what it would mean for your own already rising health-care costs -- contraception is a lot cheaper than covering the health costs of pregnancy and child-raising. Think of what it would mean when the needs and values of the majority are overruled by a handful of right-wing extremists.

Intolerance unveiled.

2008-07-21T10:28:00.005-05:00

Did you read about the Moroccan-born woman who was denied French citizenship because she chooses to veil her face?

Read it here: A veil closes France's door to citizenship

The idea of the veil stirs mixed emotions in me, of course. I detest the idea of a woman believing it is necessary to hide herself. And I try hard to believe that men are trustworthy enough creatures that we needn’t worry about fanning the flames of their lust as we simply go about our daily lives.

I don’t like the concept of the veil.

Yet it is not for a free, democratic society to tell a woman she CANNOT wear the veil. Certainly it can decree that no one else can force a woman under the veil. Certainly it may advocate the tossing aside of the veil along with other misogynistic concepts. But in telling this woman she cannot exercise her free will, France aligns itself with the very same strictures it seeks to outlaw.

Below the surface.

I’d not heard of Kay Ryan before she was named poet laureate last week. In browsing through some of her work, I felt this one particularly speaking to me:

Surfaces
By Kay Ryan

Surfaces serve
their own purposes,
strive to remain
constant (all lives
want that). There is
a skin, not just on
peaches but on oceans
(note the telltale
slough of foam on beaches).
Sometimes it’s loose,
as in the case
of cats: you feel how a
second life slides
under it. Sometimes it
fits. Take glass.
Sometimes it outlasts
its underside. Take reefs.

The private lives of surfaces
are innocent, not devious.
Take the one-dimensional
belief of enamel in itself,
the furious autonomy
of luster (crush a pearl —
it’s powder), the whole
curious seamlessness
of how we’re each surrounded
and what it doesn’t teach.

Mixing it up.

In one of the many time-sucking, space-filling, procrastination-aiding tasks I have set myself this summer, thus successfully avoiding such worthier pursuits as learning the language I’ll need for the next two years or losing 20 pounds through daily 40-mile bicycle rides, I’ve been entertaining myself with the creation of new mix lists. To wit:

Waiting for Peace (Corps): Becki’s Summer ’08 mix
(tunes I’m listening to lately – some new, some old, some relevant, some not)

Wake Up / The Arcade Fire
Nothing'severgonnastandinmyway (Again) / Wilco
Play / Kate Nash
In Step / Girl Talk
I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You / Black Kids
When the Day Met the Night / Panic! At the Disco
Candy / The Self-Righteous Brothers
I Like It, I Love It / Lyrics Born
Ooh La La / Goldfrapp
L3t Teh Be34t C0ns013 Yov (Pewep Merix) / Tilly & The Wall
It's the Beat / Simian Mobile Disco
Bust a Move / Young MC
Think Afrika / Seun Kuti
The Electric Version / The New Pornographers
Natural's Not In It / Gang of Four
Dissolved Girl / Massive Attack
Ramblin' (Wo)man / Cat Power
Excursions / A Tribe Called Quest
Adventure / Be Your Own Pet
say i am / Tom Tom Club
I'm The Toughest Girl Alive / Candye Kane
The Future Freaks Me Out / Motion City Soundtrack

Noisy Summer mix
(fairly obvious, I think)

Noisy Summer / Raveonettes
sunshine and ecstasy / Tom Tom Club
Summer Daze / Luscious Jackson
Another Fine Day / Golden Smog
The Summer / Yo La Tengo
Blister in the Sun / Violent Femmes
Sunshine / The Meat Purveyors
Broken A/C Blues / Duane Jarvis
Ice Cream Cone / The Tijuana Gigolos
Machines of Summer / Drive-By Honky
Sun In My Mouth / Björk
Summer In The City / Regina Spektor
Asleep on a Sunbeam / Belle & Sebastian
Beneath The Blue Sky / The Go-Go's
Summer Teeth / Wilco
Sunshine / Floetry
Sunday Sun / Cinematics
Looking at the Sun / Matthew Sweet
It's Summertime / The Flaming Lips
Red Sun / Neil Young
Sunset / Kate Bush
Starlit / Erin McKeown

Under the Covers
(cover tunes you might not have expected)

Smells Like Teen Spirit / Tori Amos
Oops! ... I Did It Again / Richard Thompson
Yo vivire (I Will Survive) / Celia Cruz
Love Will Tear Us Apart / Nouvelle Vague
Stand by Your Man / Lyle Lovett
She's a Lady / The Self-Righteous Brothers
(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction / Cat Power
Every Rose Has Its Thorn / Rex Hobart & the Misery Boys
Shine / Dolly Parton
Joy / Bettye LaVette
Comfortably Numb / Dar Williams w/Ani DiFranco
Rebel Rebel / Seu Jorge
Wooly Bully / Billy Bacon And The Forbidden Pigs
The Hokey Pokey / Brave Combo
Breathless / X
Good Lovin' / Grateful Dead
Ain't That Peculiar / Chocolate Genius
Let's Get It On / Jack Black
Gloria / Patti Smith
Baba O'Riley / The Waco Brothers

Quote of the day:

"I arise in the morning torn between the desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." — E. B. White

Music, man.

2008-07-14T15:11:00.008-05:00

Amy and I indulged in a bit of cultural whiplash on Saturday evening. First, we took her young’uns to “The Music Man” at Pinewood Bowl. I’m not a fan of the theater … especially local productions … most especially musicals … and “The Music Man” is right at the bottom of the genre, as far as I’m concerned.

But we had such a great time. In my 20 years in Lincoln, I’ve never done the Pinewood Bowl thing, so it was nice to cross that off my life list before I leave. It’s a gorgeous setting, everyone’s friendly and laid-back, and the company couldn’t be beat.

We ducked out as the actors were taking their bows, rushed the kids off to a sleepover, and Amy and I managed to get down to the Zoo Bar’s outdoor anniversary block party in time to hear half a dozen of the Self-Righteous Brothers’ greatest hits. They still put on a kick-ass show … their classic cover of “She’s a Lady,” the originals “Candy” and “Have Fun With Your Penis,” and a thumping version of “Billie Jean.” I want Mr. Righteous and Sonny Righteous to teach me how to dance. I want the band to get back together.

Books, not bombs.

Nicholas Kristof’s oped column Sunday referenced Greg Mortenson, subject of the book I just finished (see my Goodreads review), “Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Fight Terrorism and Build Nations ... One School at a Time.” It’s a pretty startling juxtaposition: Bush promises $10 billion (so far) to Pakistan so its military will stay friends with our military, so we can keep bombing the hell out of families, schools and communities in the name of “fighting terror.” Mortenson hasn’t a fraction of the military complex budget, yet he’s well on his way to transforming society in rural Pakistan by building schools so everyone can get an education and not feel the need to resort to terror.

Who would you rather have in charge?

He's not really a girl, and he doesn't really talk. Well, he kind of raps.

My new summer soundtrack is “Feed the Animals” by Girl Talk, aka Gregg Gillis. He’s like the William Rice Burroughs of mixmasters, pouring out a plethora of pop favorites from the ‘60s through the aughts, cutting them up and mashing them back together into something brilliant. If you think Salt N’ Pepa, Deee-Lite, the Traveling Wilburys, Nirvana, Earth Wind and Fire and the Beach Boys (and more) can’t be combined into a brilliantly danceable new single, then you haven’t heard Girl Talk.

Quote of the week:

"Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter!"
-- "President" George Bush on leaving the G8 summit where next to no agreement was reached on the need to adapt to the climate change crisis.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/2277298/President-George-Bush-'Goodbye-from-the-world's-biggest-polluter'.html#continue

Who, me, worry?

2008-07-11T15:18:00.007-05:00

The Peace Corps excitement never ends!

I got another (automated) email this morning alerting me to a change in my application status. Try as I might when I accessed my account online, I could not find anything that change. Still shows me as an invitee to Morocco, with no holds on my ability to serve.

Still, at this point I'm pretty paranoid, so I contacted just about everyone I could find at headquarters on a Friday afternoon. My country officer and medical/dental/legal contacts all said I look fine. So it must have been a glitch.

Good to know, however, that my country officer is so prompt and helpful, as were the other staffers. Best of all, I seem to have a new and much more helpful contact in the medical office, which is a great relief.

Another Peace Corps opportunity.

In related news, I may have a chance to write for the PC web site while I'm in Morocco. I've been corresponding with a returned Morocco volunteer who, like me, joined PC after two decades in the journalism business. Now he's in the communications department at PC headquarters.

Got an email from him the other day. The PR staff is looking for someone who could write regularly for the web site, from training through the two years of service. Mark said he immediately thought of me, and could he forward my info to PR?

Hellyeah, I told him. What a cool possibility.

Fun fact of the day:

While Morocco's move toward independence from France actually began earlier, the country celebrates its Independence Day on Nov. 18, commemorating King Mohammed V's return from exile in 1955.

And we all know what critical world event happened on Nov. 18 a mere 12 years later ...

Quote of the day:

“He who knows only his own country is like a man who reads but the first chapter of a book.”
– St. Augustine

Currently reading:

"Days: A Tangier Diary" by Paul Bowles

"This Land is Their Land: Reports from a Divided Nation" by Barbara Ehrenreich (just offered to write a review on this for that newspaper I no longer wish to associate with. Hm.)

Break down bombs, don't build 'em.

2008-07-07T14:10:00.005-05:00

The Senate Appropriations Committee is slated to vote this week on more funds for the Reliable Replacement Warhead (RRW) program. The U.S. should be leading the charge in destroying existing nuclear weapons, not making more of them.

Nebraska Sen. Ben Nelson is on the committee. Please take two minutes to contact Nelson's office and encourage him to vote against the funding.

The Nebraskans for Peace web site has good background info for talking points in your letter/phone call to Nelson.

Send your feedback to Nelson's office by calling (202) 224-6551 or (402) 391-3411 and/or emailing senator@bennelson.senate.gov.

------------

Two months from today (inshallah), I'll be getting on a Morocco-bound plane with my fellow Peace Corps trainees. Still doesn't feel real, and I suppose that until I get on that plane, it won't. Too afraid of having the (Berber?) rug pulled out from under me again.

The Darija (Moroccan Arabic) lessons have me thoroughly intimidated. I just keep looking and listening, in hopes that eventually the strange shapes and sounds will begin to make sense.

More inspiring is the book I'm currently reading, "Three Cups of Tea: One Man's Mission to Fight Terrorism and Build Nations ... One School at a Time." While the narrative journalism style (by a ghostwriter) is more than a bit overwrought, the idea of a slacker creating first a single school in remote Pakistan, and then an entire institute devoted to creating educational opportunities in areas where none have existed ... with a special focus on making sure girls have equal access to schooling ... well, it's providing me with plenty of ideas for projects and collaborations.

I've been waffling lately about my mission in Morocco. Not really a "developing country anymore, is it? And the outline for my program is so vague as to sound as if I won't really be "doing" anything. (Anything except teaching English, that is, and I further have to wonder how English is going to help the average underpriviliged Moroccan youth.)

But if so many rural people are living in poverty, and especially if I have a chance to help improve the futures of girls and women in a society that currently devalues them, then I have to believe it's a worthwhile mission.

Meanwhile, with slightly more disposable income than I'd anticipated for my summer sans employment, I just booked one last flight to Tucson, Aug. 12-19. Need to get my desert survival skills up to snuff, dontcha know. We hope to make a side trip down Mexico way in celebration of Miz K's birthday.

How fortunate I am to be living this life.

------------

Quote of the day:

There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don't you?
-- Rumi

"The majority of the world's farmers are women."

2008-07-05T17:28:00.003-05:00

Betcha never thought of that, didja?

Most governments and individuals don't, either. In much of the world, women can't even own land -- but they're expected to do the sowing and the reaping, along with everything in between.
These small-scale experts, feeding their local communities, are the model the rest of the world should be following, not the other way 'round. But if local and global policies don't combine forces to help these women stay in business, we're headed for famine on a large scale.

Check out this article from the Progressive:

Solving the global food crisis starts with women’s rights

The current food crisis is on the agenda as the G8 summit begins Monday. Will your local news media, via mainstream media wire services, cover the summit from a human/human rights perspective or from a corporate one?

Mix it up on the Fourth: A DIY list.

2008-07-03T13:02:00.005-05:00

Seems I don't actually make mix tapes anymore, but I do still like to think them up. Here's my suggestions for marking this holiday, which I call ...

Independence ... For Whom?

Songs of Freedom / Bob Marley
Red White and Blue Dream / Kimya Dawson
Freedom Rock / Frank Black
Rocket from a Bottle / XTC
Reject All American / Bikini Kill
Bomb the World / Michael Franti
Fireworks / Animal Collective
Bad Politics / Yo La Tengo
The Government Totally Sucks / Tenacious D
Red Eyed and Blue / Wilco
Revolution / Bob Marley
Peace In Our Time / Ray Davies
I’m Free Now / Morphine

------------

Seems I'd forgotten one of the biggest perks of no longer being employed by the MSM (mainstream media) industrial complex: I'm free to publicly say whatever I like about whatever I don't like.

To that end, be careful out there this Fourth -- don't step in the muck being tossed around by the so-called Nebraska Civil Rights Initiative, as they make a last-ditch effort to get a ban on affirmative action on the November ballot. Nebraskans United's web site has information on how to report unruly petition circulators, as well as a link to remove your name if you unwittingly signed the petition, believing it was actually about equal rights.

Earlier this week, I went to a discussion at the Coffee House led by the publisher of one of my favorite 'zines: Bitch. She's on a driving tour across the Midwest, collecting input from readers. It was so inspiring to hear a group of mostly just-post-college-age women wax enthusiastic on the "F" word (feminism, that is) and what we could and should be doing in our communities. A couple of older women as well, including the proud grandma of one cool young dyke who is successfully introducing diversity education to the insurance giant where she works. And a nun from an apparently extremely strict sect (here in Lincoln, she's an order of one) who did her best to proselytize, and I was so proud to see the rest of the group turn not to hatred and division but to an attempt at inclusion.

My new living room.

2008-07-01T15:17:00.005-05:00

Settling into my new temporary home and a slower pace of life. My favorite feature at the Bookstore Maven's former abode is the front porch. Deep, secluded and shaded, with a romantic swing and a separate seating area, fringed by twisting honeysuckle vines and protective conifers. I take most of my meals out here and am re-learning my childhood habit of whiling away entire hours immersed in other lives, entered via a stack of library books.

My other living room is the coffeehouse of the day, so I can indulge, briefly, my Internet obsessions. I try to mix the location up a bit from day to day, so I don't become "that weird lady who's always at Xxxx." But with Meadowlark and Jones each just a few blocks away, I usually end up at one of those locales. So maybe I'll become "that lady" yet. Everyone needs a goal.

Funny how uncomfortable it's been, at first, to not really have anything "to do." Plenty to do, actually -- just no immediate daily obligations, unstructured by the lack of a day job. (Don't worry too much -- I do seem to be settling into it.)

Actually, the whole situation is more than a little reminiscent of my summer in Oaxaca. Walking (or, here, biking) as my main mode of transportation brings me more in tune with my surroundings; I spend a good deal of time outside, reading or writing in my journal; I have plenty of time for friends and for contemplation of What Comes Next.

(Unfortunately, the similarities to Oaxaca do not extend to an inability to comprehend the language floating all around me, making it more difficult to ignore the whiny children and shouted conversations that seem to have become accepted aspects of coffeehouse culture. )

Foot power as my mode of transportation: Yes, the Saturn is gone; my lease was up at the end of June. I briefly thought about asking whether I could rent it for just a couple more months. But then I thought, um, Why? Why spend all more money I don't have, when everything I really need is really quite accessible from where I am? Bonuses: I can indulge the smug attitude of no longer being part of the carbon footprint problem, and my thighs will be rock hard by the time I leave for Morocco! (Hey, a girl can dream ... )

Been spending a lot of time lately thinking about What I Really Need. Materially, that is. I was so proud of myself for downsizing as I moved out of The Bungalow Formerly Known as Lola. (Aside: What's my deal today with Capitalizing Everything?) I got rid of most of my furniture and sent boxloads off to Goodwill. Yet I was still only barely able to squeeze the material manifestations of my former life into a spare bedroom larger than the average storage locker. What the above photo fails to show is the two rows of boxes, floor to ceiling, behind the miscellaneous detritus. Books, mostly. Books I've either already read or likely never will. To keep them has far more to do with vanity and emotional attachment than with actual need. Maybe that's true of the rest as well?

Then, moving into my temporary digs, thinking I'd really pared down to the nitty gritty -- only the things I'd really need for the next two months. Even so, that came down to about a dozen boxes and a couple of suitcases. A dozen boxes for two months? Really? Well, no -- not really. Most of it is already stowed in a back closet. Much of the rest is dribs and drabs of toiletries that don't really do anything. And then there's the dishes and glassware I inexplicably keep breaking -- that'll really cut back on the need to repack.

Maybe it's all practice for the next step: two bags for the next two years in Morocco. Even then, from what I hear via former Peace Corps vols, much of what you bring ends up never leaving the suitcase.

Or maybe it's all practice for moving on in life ... paring down, offloading the no longer necessary in favor of what's really important. A life well-lived needn't be proved by overaccumulation.

A friend yesterday was telling about visiting an antiques store overstuffed with ... stuff. Not antiques, just stuff. Old shot glasses, action figures, Wheaties boxes.

"What do you collect?" the woman behind the counter asked. Shocked she was to find out my dear friend doesn't have rows of bobbleheads or spoons or commemorative plates holding up the

"Memories," I told my friend. "Next time, say you collect memories."

Quote of the day:

“The curse of the human race is not that we are so different from one another, but that we are so alike.” – Salman Rushdie, “The Enchantress of Florence”

A couple of days away.

2008-06-20T15:54:00.003-05:00

Happy solstice, all!

I'm writing this from lovely Brownville, Nebraska, in the very southeast corner of the state -- I can see the bridge over the Missouri River from where I sit. Just closing up a couple of days helping the Bookstore Maven at her satellite office. I'm not sure I was a very good sales surrogate -- three books in two days (though now that I'm ready to close up and hit the road, the shop is suddenly full for the first time).

But I've had a lovely, relaxing two days. I can see why Miz C loves it here. No cell reception, no errands to run ... nothing to do, really. Which suits me just fine after nearly a week of schlepping boxes one place or another.

After work last evening, I walked the little trail behind Brownville's historic homes. Peaceful.

But now I'm ready for civilization again. Stop in Auburn for a Diet Coke, blast some New Pornographers on the drive home, pick up my sis-in-law and finally go see the "Sex in the City" movie. I've heard it's really, really bad, but I don't care. I'm just in it for the fashion porn.

Leaving Lola.

2008-06-17T19:00:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow I sign away my little bungalow. And just when all my little planting projects are finally coming to fruition! Those roses on the drainpipe are blooming for the first time in the three years I've lived here.

Lola has been a dear friend to me. I'll miss her ... but I'm ready to move on.

What I'll miss:

My backyard oasis ... sipping High Life on the patio, surveying my domain of salvia and penstemon, hostas and honeysuckle, monitoring the comings and goings of bunnies and crows, polka numbers seeping up from the Antelope Park bandshell, alone with my laptop or laughing with good friends.

Mowing the lawn.

Showering. (New digs are lovely and serendipitous but set up for baths only.)

On-call Internet.

My sunny yellow walls.

Getting my hands in the dirt ... weeding or finding space for just one more plant.

Lazy Saturday afternoons on the front porch, rocking on the swing while Miz Amy smokes on the steps.

Being surrounded by books I love.

The backyard parties -- pinatas, broken hoes and all.

What I won't miss:

The constant screech and whine of the Baptist brats next door.

Mowing the lawn.

The monthly mortgage.

The sad little things that needed attention I couldn't afford to give -- leaky faucets, peeling paint,

Where I'm headed:

I'm blessed to have a lovely new home to settle into, even if temporarily. Thanks to the Subversive Bookstore Maven!

Come tomorrow, no more Internet at home*. Come June 29, no more car. But I have everything I need: a badass bike and two strong legs to power it; an expansive front porch from which to survey a whole new neighborhood; a box of books, and another of wine; a portable iPod sound system; big ideas and dear friends to keep me company over the next two months.

*Read: No more obsessive emailing or blog/Facebook/MySpace posting! So don't panic if you no longer hear from me 1,000 times a day ... getting online will mean hauling ass to a coffee shop or my brother's house. Or figuring out how to use a phone card. If anyone can enlighten me on that, let me know ...)

Quote of the day:

"Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." – Hakuin

(from a returned Peace Corps volunteer ... interesting, no?)

It's in the mail.

2008-06-14T20:15:00.004-05:00

The formal invitation finally arrived yesterday. Morocco: Yes! Youth development: Yes! Leaving in September: Yes, indeed! Now all I have to do is call Monday to enthusiastically accept.

I'd been thinking to get a part-time job this summer, mostly to fill time but also for walking-around money.

But I don't really see how I can fit one in, what with all I hope to accomplish in the next two months before I leave ...

My summer to-do list:

Brush up on my high school/college French.

Start learning Darija (Moroccan Arabic).

Read everything I can get my hands on about Morocco.

Download teaching methods and study tips on youth development.

Take long daily bike rides on the MoPac.

Improve my yoga skills. (So I can practice in Morocco ... ad possibly even teach others?)

Study transcendental meditation. (Don't laugh, there's a local instructor, and I mean to get in touch with him!)

Take up belly dancing? (You know, when in Morocco ... )

Stop telling myself I can't/don't cook, and practice a few dishes I can make with ingredients available from your typical souk.

Volunteer with Community CROPS ...

... and with Nebraska AIDS Project ...

... and with Lincoln Literacy Council ...

Spend more time with family.

Spend more time with friends.

Relax! (It may be my last chance for a couple of years)

This list is nearly as ridiculous as my Peace Corps packing list! But you can see why I can't find time to be employed ...

Let's party!

2008-06-04T15:29:00.004-05:00

Looking forward to seeing many of you at the pah-tay tonight!

Besides the luxury of Miz K's presence, we just found a new reason to celebrate.

My placement officer called today. She's found me a new placement, and the invitation should arrive within a couple of weeks.

North Africa (I'm pretty sure it's Morroco). Youth development -- teaching English, healthy lifestyles and civic development. Leave Sept. 6.

Not at all the region or the work I'd envisioned when I first started this whole process. But I can see so many opportunities. I'm possibly even more excited than I was when I got the Tanzania invite!

Life works out. Thank you all for riding along on my emotional roller coaster.

Now I can enjoy a summer of soaking up all my lovely Lincoln peeps, researching my new home, maybe getting a head start on learning some Arabic. And maybe work in another trip to Tucson!

For those of you being held hostage tonight -- surely that's the only excuse for missing the party! -- don't forget Billy Bacon and the Forbidden Pigs at the Zoo on Friday night. It'll be Miz K's last night in town. Let's send her home with una mas cerveza!

Off the beaten path.

2008-06-02T20:20:00.008-05:00

After a much-needed R&R in Tucson, it feels great to be back home at la casa, sitting on the patio with Miz K, both of us playing on our laptops and sipping on High Lifes. (High Lives?)

Tucson is a fabulous town -- hip and quirky, dry and hot, with fantastic hiking, food and people-watching. It was so lovely to see the culmination of Miz K's first year of work with Voices Inc. Her students, photography novices all, produced some amazing work, which is testament to both their own perseverance and their instructor's mad skills.

Went for two short but great hikes -- Gates Pass to the west, at sunset, and Catalina State Park to the north. A town surrounded by mountains and home to one of my BFFs ... why am I so eager to move overseas when I could just move down to the desert?

The Tucson trip was capped by a perfectly lovely evening listening to samba music at The Hut with K and her friends Sean and Monica. The musicians were mostly a bunch of gray-haired white men, flanked by a more traditionally rasta-styled drummer and a beautiful flutist of indeterminate heritage. Despite their anglo looks, the band was fantastic. Everyone -- all ages, all body types, all socioeconomic levels -- grooving together. We danced and danced and then went to The Grill for bad tater tots and sophomoric, giggly humor. Such a fun night.

Then we hit the road. First to Phoenix to see the Fabulous! Miz J and Mr M, as well as K's adorable extended family, then 2o+ hours to Lincoln. The drive from Phoenix through New Mexico is just phenomenal.

We saw many amazing sights along the way. Most defy description.

Miz K drove the whole way, by choice. She's quite the multitasker.

Now we're back, as if things had never left off last August. Amy's here with a pack of smokes and a bottle of Piesporter. William's on his way over. All is right with the world.

So, let's hope bad news does NOT come in twos.

2008-05-23T18:35:00.003-05:00

I was overly optimistic yesterday.

(Me? Shocking, I know.)

Y'all must be tired of me jerking you up and down in tandem with my emotions and my subsequent jerking-around by PC.

So no more boring details, especially for the gyno-squeamish.

Just this:

I no longer medically qualify for the Tanzania program.

I'll let you know what comes next as soon as I have a clearer idea of what it is. I'll land on my feet, even if I skin my knees first.

I am so blessed to have many loving family and friends to have my back, and even my virtual online friends who I've never met in person but have been so supportive and encouraging. My mantra is the thanks I give daily for you all. Namaste.

Good news comes in twos.

2008-05-22T15:52:00.005-05:00

Good news, Part 1.

Accepted an offer on the house yesterday. It's pretty good. And such a relief to have that taken care of before I leave.

My Lola's been such a good little house. I'll miss her. But she's helping me get where I'm going next.

Good news, Part 2.

The colposcopy report came back today. NO dysplasia. NOTHING to keep me out of PC. Haven't gotten confirmation yet from the PC nurse that my medical hold has been cleared, but absolutely no reason to expect otherwise.

I feel a little foolish, now, for being so anxious this past week. But really, when one thin line can mean all the difference in what happens next in life, it's hard not to obsess over that line.

Y'all helped keep me sane. Thank you.

Currently reading:

"The Memory of Running" by Ron McLarty

Who lent me this? I was sure it was William (which made such perfect sense, and you should read it Wm!). If it was you, let me know so I can return it. It's been a lifesaver -- the only way I could get out of my head the past few days. Riveting story, timely message. Highly recommended.

Thanks, y'all!

2008-05-19T21:45:00.002-05:00

Everyone's been so sweet and supportive. I can't thank you enough.

Right now, PC won't tell me a thing until I get the colposcopy report back. Sure seems like it'll be cutting it close. But, much of this is out of my hands.

I have Plans B, C and D in the works already. It may mean spending yet more money, but some type of international work experience is in my near future.

Have a couple coming back for a second look at the house tomorrow, too.

Cross yer fingers, y'all ...

Worse than I thought.

2008-05-17T10:30:00.005-05:00

I had not noticed a very minor change in diagnosis in this latest pap. If yesterday's biopsy confirms that diagnosis, there is still no cause for medical concern -- it is still a condition that any doctor in the real world would simply monitor, not treat.

However, the change puts me in the PC category of deferral rather than clearance. I would need to be treated and then wait for confirmation of a normal pap before starting the placement process again. It likely would take several paps at three-month intervals before I could be cleared to relaunch the placement process. At that point, I probably would have to begin the entire medical process again.

I won't know for sure until I get the biopsy. I have a letter ready with backup documentation from the CDC, National Cancer Institute and other medical organizations showing that this diagnosis requires only monitoring, not treatment.

But I have to prepare for the likelihood that I will not be leaving in June. Or, more than likely, entering PC at all. Not because I am physically unfit to serve, but because I don't fit the bureaucratic box that must be checked.

I have invested everything I have into realizing this dream. I've quit my job and lost any financial security. I am trying to sell my house and will be unable to afford it regardless of the PC outcome. My car lease is due and I can't afford to buy it or even a junker. I have just enough in liquid assets to see me through until I was to board the plane June 10.

I have no desire to try to reclaim the job, the house, etc.

But I also have no idea what will happen next.

This scares me far more than any of the silly worries about snakes, spiders, solitude, sanitation or hardships of PC life.

I may be out of touch for a few days. Alternatively, I may be excessively needy. Either way I ask for understanding/respect. Thanks.

Medical clerance rant.

2008-05-14T10:13:00.004-05:00

(w/TMI warning for those of the male persuasion)

PC approved my medical with the caveat that I need a pap every six months. That would put me at a June 4 appointment ... when I'm slated to leave June 8. So I went ahead and had one a couple of weeks ago.

Got the results yesterday. Same as the past several ... low-grade, nondysplasic, abnormal cells. Nothing I didn't expect, but it means another colposcopy, which means more money, more waiting and more worrying that this will keep me from getting on that plane in June.

Spoke with the PC nurse yesterday and she said everything's fine, just send in the biopsy results when I get them.

But woke this morning to an email message that I again have a medical hold on my PC status.

Angus on the PC Africa desk assures me that applicants often have a hold right up to the day they leave, and that as long as I can give PC medical what they need, even at the very last minute, I'll be good to go.

So I shouldn't worry.

But you know I do!

Twende pamoja!

2008-05-08T06:10:00.004-05:00

I've set up a new blog for Tanzania:

http://twende-pamoja.blogspot.com/

I'll make some additions and start posting on it in the next few days. May still post here occasionally, especially before I leave. But the new blog is for a more general audience.

What a productive Wednesday: Bought a good pair of quick-drying pants; found two options for selling bad karma jewelry from various exes; chatted with an agronomist at UNL; proseltyzed to a couple of Huddle's students who are interested in PC; and maybe, maybe found a solar setup that is not only efficient but highly affordable! Need to talk with my resident computer geeks and call the company to check it out further, but thanks to my friend Melinda and her computer geeks for finding me this option.

A volunteer already in TZ advises me that as an environmental volunteer I'll be known as a "mental." As if I'm not already!

Only two more days in the newsroom, which seems surreal. I really don't feel emotional about leaving. Don't think I'll be back this time.

Looking forward to the next two weeks of packing up my life, then a quick trip to Tucson, road trip home w/Miz K, and a few days to move everything into storage, solve any last-minute problems, and kiss each of you goodbye.

Mark your calendars for Billy Bacon and the Forbidden Pigs on Friday, June 6. And/or, depending on when I leave, Saturday the 7th. But no shots!

Currently reading: Building Soils for Better Crops (second edition), Fred Magdoff and Harold Van Es

But will the bus fit in my carryon?

2008-05-03T17:35:00.007-05:00

Because I'd need my own tour bus to bring everything currently on my packing list. Jill thought I should post it so y'all can laugh at me and my idea of getting away from all this American materialism. It ain't gonna be easy, that's for sure.

I'm checking on the possibility of mailing myself some stuff in advance -- anything that's heavy and inexpensive and not immediately essential. But I'll still need to haul it all to site on my own, so I will need to start paring down my ...

PEACE CORPS PACKING LIST:
Items to buy in italics

Luggage: (Two checked bags = max 107 linear inches and 80 lbs. combined)
Swiss Army suitcase: 17 x 26 x 13
Gregory Deva 60 backpack: 17 x 28 x 11 if really overstuffed
Large, lightweight duffel (To contain backpack for checked luggage on airline so straps won’t get caught; use later as extra bag in country)
Carry-on suitcase
PLUS?: Daypack as second carryon (“Personal” – i.e., purse/laptop carrier ... need to make sure I can do both this and a full carryon)

Gifts
Toys for kids: Balloons; bubbles; jump ropes; toy cars; playing cards; Uno; Frisbees? hackeysacks?
Gift for host family: Nebraska book?
Other miscellaneous gifts: Towels embroidered by my mom; lotions; incense? Tshirts? Pens?

Technology: TZ is 210V
Laptop
Camera, connector, batteries, charger
iPod and charger/connector; headphones/EXTRAS/pads
Speakers
Solio (solar charger for iPod)
Solar panels for laptop
Shortwave radio?
Flash drives
Power adapters; surge protector?
Watch
Headlamp
Batteries/charger
Blank CDs/sleeves?
2009/20010 datebook?

Gardening supplies:
Work boots?
Gloves
Trowel?
Felco pruners
Seeds: Tomatoes; carrots; eggplant; onion; cucumber; radishes; beets; cilantro; basil; spinach;

Medications:
Lybrel: 3 month supply
Vitamins
Over-the-counter sleep aid
Ibuprofen
Calcium?
Iron?
Cranberry extract?

Toiletries:
Two pairs glasses (second pair w/clip-on sunglasses)
Contacts (two years’ worth?)
Saline; lens cases; eyedrops
Soap; soapdish
Toothbrushes; toothpaste; floss; toothbrush holder
Lip balm (two years' worth of Burt's Bees!)
Face wash
Moisturizer
Face scrub
Sunscreen: Face; body
Body lotion Hand lotion
Razor/blades (bought two years' worth on eBay; apparently among the hardest things to find)
Shampoo, conditioner, anti-frizz cream
Hairbrush; comb; clips; hairbands; elastics; pins
Qtips?
Deodorant (also hard to find)
Nail clippers, files, cuticle cream
Tweezers; scissors; mirror
Pumice stone
Hair dryer; flatiron (for those rare opportunities w/electricity)
Toilet paper
Hand sanitizer; handiwipes
Iodine pills?
Small bandaids
Earplugs; eye mask

Makeup: (I know, I know...)
Powder foundation; sponges
Concealer
Eyelash curler; pencil sharpener
Mascara; eye shadows; eyeliner; brushes
Stila lipstick; Burt’s Bees gloss

Clothes:
Bras; sports bras
Undies: Cotton; Exofficio (organic/soy/quick-drying/AWESOME)
Pajama pants; tanks; nightdress
Tshirts: Black; white; colors;
Long-sleeve Tshirts
Other tops: light sweaters/blouses;
Polarfleece; second sweater or hoodie
Skirts (must be below knee): Green hemp; pink/Krista; black/Krista; cargo; black floral;
Dresses: ???
Pants: Ripstop/quick-drying?; khaki cropped; brown linen; black cropped; plaid/knee (as a woman, I'm only "allowed" pants because I'll be working in sustainable ag, so this is probably too many)
Jeans: Dark; light;
Exercise pants, top; skort (doubles as swimsuit coverup
Swimsuit? (conservative; must cover midriff and wear shorts over it?)
Rain jacket
Hats: Straw gardening hat; Ex-officio camping hat; ballcaps?
Bandanas
Sunglasses (several cheap pairs; one good pair of Bollos)
Scarves: Black; lavender; sarong; silk;
Socks: white thorlos; hiking; more??
Shoes: Merrill black slides; Merrill maryjanes; Keens; thongs; trail runners; work boots?

Jewelry:
Earrings
“Wedding” ring (supposedly helps keep the suitors at bay)

Household:
Water bottles (aluminum; Nalgenes)
Sleeping bag
Swiss army knives
Dry bag?
Pillowcase
Microfiber towels (large, small); washcloths?
Beach towel?
Yoga mat?

Kitchen:
Towels; napkins?
Small pan/skillet (highly recommended; hard to find in-country?)
Collapsible colander
Kitchen knife; paring knife
Flexible cutting board
Egg carrier? (recommended if I plan to buy eggs)
Measuring cups / spoons
Spatula; paring knife; peeler; grater
Chohula (essential!)
Spices: What to bring? Suggestions are welcome!
Tea; Splenda; powder to flavor water
Hummus mix
Ziploc bags, large and small (apparently as valuable in Africa as cigarettes are in prison)
Cookbook?

Office supplies:
Journals
Notebooks
Pens AND REFILLS
Scissors
Tape: Scotch; duct;
Post-it page flags (cuz I'm, y'know, me)
Clothesline/clothespins for hanging art (Ikea?)
Big world map?

Paperwork:
Immunization card
Copies: Passport; immunization card; other vaccinations
Prescriptions: Lybrel; eyeglasses; contacts
Copies of pap smears, mammogram
Divorce decree; college transcripts (why, you ask? yeah, me too)
Resume

Miscellaneous:
BOOKS!!! (again, suggestions welcome ... I'm told to bring something "light" ... but weighed down with agronomy books at present)
Photos and album (to show my host family/village)
Cloth bags; daypack; waistpack
Waistpack; cloth bags
Padlocks
Carabiners
Bike helmet? Gloves? (PC sez you have to wear a helmet, but apparently doesn't always provide one)
Dominoes?
Incense? (my comfort item?)

------------

Now I need to set up a new blog for the TZ adventure. Name suggestions? Winner gets the beer and slice of her/his choice @ Yia-Yia's ... one of many places I'm gonna miss ...

Meanwhile, I'm reading every blog I can find from current volunteers in country ... and trying not to freak out over so many stories of mamba snakes and spiders as big as your fist ...

I am not ashamed of my weekend J-Lo film festival.

2008-04-27T21:01:00.004-05:00

Nope. Not at all. Not with all I've accomplished this weekend. And not when any movie -- highbrow or marshmallow fluff -- will be in short supply all too soon.

Last night it was "The Wedding Planner." Then "Enough." Then I went for the trifecta with "Selena." And now "Monster-in-Law" ... one of those TBS back-to-back things, so I caught the last 20 minutes and now I'm watching the beginning. Kind of like reading the end of the book first.

I can't seem to read much at all lately, front or back; rote romantic comedies seem to be the only thing that can put my spinning mind into sleep mode.

Yesterday: Went to my last yoga class (my gym membership ends this week). Gave my long-neglected house a deep cleaning ... and gave myself a fat lip in the process. Packed up winter clothes, record albums and a few other nonessentials. Worked out a Peace Corps packing list, a to-do list, and a timeline that makes me feel like I really can get everything done in the next six weeks -- including a trip to Tucson, yay! Made deals on virtually all of the furniture I'd planned to sell (still hoping someone will take the entertainment center, and my wedding ring).

So I think a little mind candy is perfectly justified.

Today I took things a bit slower. Got to see Miz Amy and Co. (too briefly) and Miz Melissa. Volunteered at the Community CROPS plant sale, which brought me another good contact once I settle into my new home. Turns out a former CROPS worker is in Peace Corps in neighboring Malawi, also in sustainable agriculture.

While my realtor held an open house, I spent a couple of hours at Meadowlark working out a list of everything I "need" to buy for the trip. At this point, I'm not only well over the PC 80-pound/two bag limit, I'd likely need a crew of sherpas to to it all for me.

On the search now for small, lightweight gifts I can bring ... little things for children, something nice for my host family. Ideas, anyone?

I'll also entertain ideas for a few books to bring along with me. Probably best to keep things light, though I don't think I can go so vacuous as the printed equivalent of a J-Lo movie. Send me your suggestions!

The road to Tanzania.

2008-04-18T20:12:00.003-05:00

For anyone I forgot to email earlier today (and, if I did, shoot me your address so I can add you to the list!):

After six long months, my Peace Corps invitation packet came this morning.

I’m going to Tanzania!

Not that I had any say in it, but if they'd asked me where I wanted to go, Tanzania would have been first on my list.

While the application process seemed to drag on for so long, suddenly things are coming to a head far too quickly! My group will have a few days of orientation here in the U.S. starting June 8, then arrive in Tanzania on June 12 for three months of training with my fellow volunteers before leaving for my site.

I’ll be a village-based extension educator, working in environmental education and sustainable agriculture. (Yes, life in an African village means pit latrines, bucket baths and no electricity – but I’ll get a mountain bike for transportation.) I’ll also be working on HIV/AIDS prevention and education. My head is already overflowing with project ideas, but I know I need to get to my site and get a feel for what the village really needs before embarking on any specitific plan.

Tanzania, in eastern Africa, is home to Mount Kilimanjaro, Lake Victoria and the Serengeti. The capital, Dar es Salaam, is on the coast of the Indian Ocean. The country shares borders with Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi, Zambia, Malawi and Mozambique.

I’m only just beginning to learn about the country myself. Here are some Web sites for basic info on Tanzania:

https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/tz.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tanzania

http://www.lonelyplanet.com/worldguide/tanzania/

I’ll be busy in the coming weeks, but I really want to make sure to spend as much time as possible with my friends and loved ones. Many of you have been critical in helping me get this far, and I want to soak up as much of you as I can. So drag me away from packing up my books, and make me take you out for a beer!

Namaste, peace and love to all ...

It's in the mail.

2008-04-17T21:46:00.003-05:00

Should've written yesterday's whiny post weeks ago ... because surely it's what caused the PC gods to send me the email this morning alerting me to the fact that my invitation has been mailed.

Within the week, I should finally know where they're sending me and when.

Do I dare admit that my gut reaction was fear?

But followed quickly by all the good stuff ... elation, satisfaction, rampant curiousity, etc ...

More to come soon!

And thanks to all of you who've been so supportive. You mean the world to me!

Don't ask.

2008-04-16T21:28:00.002-05:00

No, really, it’s nice that you do. Encouraging to realize just how many people are genuinely interested in my looming adventure.

But I have an idea that if only I were to start carrying a 40-lb. bowling ball around with me at all times, I might have an idea what a 40-weeks-pregnant mother might feel when everyone points out the obvious: "You're still pregnant?"

No one says “Hi” to me anymore … all greetings are along the lines of "Sooo ....?" or “Haven’t you heard yet?”

Obviously, I’ve yet to hear anything formal from Peace Corps. On Friday it’ll be a month since my phone interview with my placement officer – an interview that went really well and left me with the impression that I’d be getting my invitation in a week or so.

Since then, I’ve heard through the grapevine that I’ve been “placed” – whatever that means. It may be that they’ve found a program/site for me but haven’t done the paperwork yet.

I know this is happening, and they have to give me at least six weeks’ notice. So I’m trying to be constructive in the meantime … packing up nonessentials, spending as much time with those I love and doing all the things I’ll miss about Lincoln. And practicing that damn patience thing. It’ll come in handy, I hear.

The house is officially on the market -- check it out!

And I'm using Blogger to sell my furniture when I'm ready. I'll take out free ads on Craigslist and LJS, with a photo and the web site. Let me know what you think.

Spiraling outward.

I long ago adopted the spiral as my personal nature symbol. I never had any logical reason for it; it just felt very “circle of life” to me.

I never really understood why I felt so drawn to the idea of three spirals for my "jobkiller" tattoo. Why not just the one?

Krista recently sent me this passage she found in a book:

"The archetype of the spiral has existed since the beginning of civilization throughout all the world's cultures – as an art form, a religious symbol, and a sacred vehicle for medications. Spirals have been found on Neolithic rock carvings, indicating that the earliest human inhabitants of our planet considered them an important part of the their cosmological understanding. Many ancient peoples and indigenous and Eastern religions depicted our life journey using sacred circular symbols – the Native American medicine wheel, the Aztec calendar, the Mandala of Hinduism and Buddhism, the circles in the Celtic cross, the interlocking halves of the Chinese yin and yang and the mystical labyrinth.

"These physical representation of the great circle of existence and the interior journey of the soul. Each of them focuses our eye on a point within the symbol, as if gathering the outside energies and drawing them inward. In this way, they are designed as mystical and powerful forms of spiritual contemplation, inviting the seeker to travel within and discover the divine.

"Reality is not linear at all – it is circular. Life does not move forward in a straight line, but swirls around in a mysterious cosmic dance.

”This is the secret of the spiral: it brings up back to what great sages have called "the eternal Now.”

That made me happy.

It also led me to do some completely nonscientific research, via Wikipedia:

“The spiral is the most ancient symbol found on every civilized continent. Due to its appearance at burial sites across the globe, the spiral most likely represented the "life-death-rebirth" cycle. Similarly, the spiral symbolized the sun, as ancient people thought the sun was born each morning, died each night, and was reborn the next morning.”

“The triple spiral is one of the main symbols of Celtic Reconstructionist Paganism, often standing for the "three realms" – Land, Sea and Sky, or for one of a number of deities who are described in the lore as "threefold" or triadic. … Some Celtic-inspired Wiccans also use the triple spiral symbol, most often to represent the concept of the triple goddess.”

"A triskelion or triskele … is a symbol consisting of three interlocked spirals, or three bent human legs, or any similar symbol with three protrusions and a threefold rotational symmetry. ... Spiral forms of the triskele are often classed as solar symbols, while the legged version, sometimes including a gorgon mask or Medusa's head at the central axle point in the Sicilian version, suggests a chthonic (earthy) significance."

(In lesser company, the triskelion has similarities to the Nazi swastika and apparently has been proposed as a secret sign for BDSM practitioners. We'll just roll (spiral?) right on past those ...)

Maybe I learned these associations at some point and kept them in my subconscious. But I think it's fascinating to consider that I came up with the same symbolism as multiple ancient cultures, from far-flung parts of the globe.

Thought for the day.

“It is easy to see the beginning of things, and harder to see the ends.”
— Joan Didion

Guess what I didn't have for dinner?

2008-03-31T20:38:00.013-05:00

Back from a family vacation -- the folks, brother/sister-in-law, niece and nephews -- to Lake of the Ozarks. Chilly, damp days spent mostly watching the free entertainment embodied by a 2-year-old whose infinite inflectual variations on "Da-doh" can mean anything from "Daddy" to "Mommy" to "refill on the juice, por favor" to "would y'all stop with the googly eyes and the tickly fingers for one freakin' minute, please?"

A detour the first night to Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City. Manufactured, overpriced fun -- but fun it was. Water slides rule!

Cliche, I know, but it is hard watching one's parents age. Mine are becoming slower, more anxious. My dad's hearing almost completely gone, and while he has hearing aids he seems to prefer the solitude of deafness, insulated from participating in the conversation until he senses the opportunity for a monologue. And wanting to still be of use, but efforts at "helping" usually just put him in the way. As far as Mom goes, one must always feign great enthusiasm or risk hurt feelings.

My ex-mother-in-law died the day before we left. I'm recognizing the need to reconcile my adult relationship with my parents now, so I don't have lingering regrets when it's too late.

Home, now, from our little family adventure; wallowing gleefully in solitude.

------------

Not a moment of Peace.

I was so sure I'd come home to a letter informing me where I'll be heading this summer. Miz Jill even checked my mail daily, all for naught. (Thanks, J!)

Emailed my placement officer today to see if there's any news. The ever-cryptic Peace Corps response: "You have been qualified for service and are currently being reviewed for available projects that can accommodate your medical needs. Once a project has been identified, you will be contacted regarding the next steps. Thanks so much for your continued patience and flexibility."

But just now, obsessively checking my online application status, where I swear it previously said "Peace Corps has completed your medical review. There are no medical holds on your account at this time," it now says: "A decision has been reached regarding your medical review. Please look for a letter in the mail."

Which is what it said before I got my rejection letter.

I am trying not to worry.

patienceisavirtue...patienceisavirtue...patienceisavirtue ...

------------

Further thanks to Miz Jill for urging me to read "The Poisonwood Bible." One of those books I miss, like a good friend, now that I've finished it. If I didn't have so much else to do, I'd dive right back into it again.

The right book at the right time. A reminder that we Americans are hardly the saviors of the African continent; in too many cases, we are the cause of much of their wars, their poverty in the face of great natural resources. As a Peace Corps volunteer I won't be swooping down with my red Mighty Mouse cape to save the day.

I think of more as reparations. We have done much in the name of our country to hurt Africa; I hope to do some small part to atone, to set right.

A reminder, also, that we in the "developed" world do not have all or even most of the answers. Sit on my hands for a good while, observe and immerse myself, before leaping to solution conclusions.

------------

Currently reading:

"The Invisible Cure: Africa, The West, and The Fight Against AIDS" by Helen Epstein

Change is coming.

2008-03-23T21:25:00.003-05:00

Now that I have my medical clearance, the Peace Corps wheels suddenly turn more quickly. Kind of mirrors how winter drags on, and then it seems so suddenly the tulip pips have burst out of the ground, the air smells of fresh earth and the sunshine makes all the difference in the world in warmth and morale.

My placement officer called Friday. I'm still being considered for an African placement, and the program she's looking at would leave in June. I should get my invitation in a week or so.

The biggest surprise: While my HIV volunteer work will come in handy wherever I land, she said, she's actually looking at me for a gardening/community agriculture placement. I'm thrilled ... and slightly intimidated. I know how to play at gardening in my back yard, yet even that never turns out nearly as well as I envision before I start planting. Who am I to teach anyone about cultivating an entirely different kind of earth, under a virtually different sun?

In hearing me go on about my fears of agricultural inadequacy, Miz Jill asked if I'd read Barbara Kingsolver's "The Poisonwood Bible," about a missionary family who spend a year in the Congo. Strangely, I'd never read it -- despite being a huge Kingsolver fan and this universally acknowledged as her best novel.

"Just remember," Jill said, "if they plant in mounds, follow their lead."

Good advice. If only the Rev. Price had been more willing to learn from those he'd sent himself to "save."

Started the book this weekend and hope to make it last it through the coming week's vacation. It may be a novel, I may not end up in the Congo, but I can already tell that gardening in mounds isn't the only tip I'll get out of this.

Speaking of books ...

Check out my Goodreads page. It's a cool site Miz K turned me on to. You can keep track of the books you've read, write reviews, and see what other people have to say about the books they're reading.

http://www.goodreads.com

It's not too loud, but apparently I'm too old.

If I were as hip as I like to think I am, instead of writing this I'd be dancing to X at Sokol Underground. Tickets $20, venue an hour away, on a Sunday night when I have to work in the morning ...

Back in the day this was one of my favorite bands, Exene my squeaky wailing heroine. I've never had the opportunity to see them.

Who have I become?

Well, I'd better become someone more focused on selling a house and tying up loose ends. I may have only a couple of months before my next big adventure. ...

A change of season.

2008-03-19T22:25:00.001-05:00

The vernal equinox is Thursday at 12:48 a.m. CST. Spring is coming -- do something to celebrate!

Peace in the Mideast ... when?

2008-03-17T21:43:00.003-05:00

Meant to make note of yesterday being the fifth anniverary of Rachel Corrie's death, mowed down by an Israeli military bulldozer while serving as a human shield, trying to Palestinians' homes from destruction in the Gaza Strip. I just finished reading her journals, from childhood until a few days before she died.

------------

And, of course, Wednesday is the fifth anniversary of the U.S. invasion of Iraq. That makes it four years and two months after "Mission Accomplished."

If you wish to mark this sad milestone:

Who: Nebraska Coalition for Peace, Nebraskans for Peace
What: 5th Anniversary of the Iraq War - Anti-war/Peace Vigil to remind us that 5 years is too many years of the U.S. invasion/occupation of Iraq
Where: Corner of 16th and "O" Street, Lincoln, NE, near the Federal Building
When: Wednesday, March 19, 2008, 5-6:00 p.m.
Program: We will be solemnly reading the names of the fallen, both U.S. soldiers and Iraqis
Contact: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nebraskacoalitionforpeace

------------

And in nearby Afghanistan, here's what President Bush told U.S. troops last week (via Democracy Now):

“If I were slightly younger and not employed here, I think it would be a fantastic experience to be on the front lines of helping this young democracy succeed. ... It must be exciting for you … in some ways romantic, in some ways, you know, confronting danger. You’re really making history. And thanks.”

------------

PC update: Got an email over the weekend asking for an update on my volunteer work with Nebraska AIDS Project -- which means they're considering where to place me ... and, hopefully, that I indeed will be working on HIV issues. My placement officer's assistant was enthusiastic about the info I provided -- the amount of time I spend volunteering and especially the fact that I'm certified to do HIV testing. She said I can expect to hear back from my P.O. in two to four weeks.

Again: This is not my America.

2008-03-17T10:43:00.004-05:00

I'm listening to today's "Democracy Now" via podcast. Please, make a special effort to listen to today's edition. Amy Goodman has extensive coverage of the Winter Soldier conference of returned U.S. troops protesting the Iraq war. The stories they are telling of what they did, and what they saw, is horrendous. We need to know this, so we can stop this. Please listen.

www.democracynow.org

Now with soundtrack!

2008-03-16T20:47:00.007-05:00

Spent an idle Sunday afternoon ... after another lovely Sher-E-Punjab brunch with Meleeska and the Bookstore Maven ... figuring out how to add music to my blog. Playlist/controls at the bottom of the page. Found a site that both makes it easy to upload a playlist and has many of the songs I was looking for. Let me know if anything seems to be misbehaving.

The significance of each:

1) Evolve -- This came out just as I was making a mental 180 and finally figuring out that my life could be what I wanted it to be, not what was expected of me.

2) Free -- From around the same time; the two songs go hand-in-hand for me, for obvious reasons.

3) Girls Like Me -- From the "Valley Girl" soundtrack, like, duh!

4) Bicycle, Bicycle, You Are My Bicycle -- If this doesn't get you in the mood to go tear up the trails, nothing will. "We're on two wheels, baby!"

4) Floorboard Blues -- for one of the best lyrics ever: "It's a fucked-up world but this ol' girl, well, she ain't givin' in."

5) At Last -- for another go-to lyric: "I own every bell that tolls me."

------------

Did you know there's an anti-torture act in Congress? It needs more support to get it to a vote. Can you believe we need to push for support on this?

From Common Dreams: Since the War on Terror began in 2001, detainees in the "care" of American forces have been urinated on, doused with phosphoric acid, sodomized with batons, had their lungs forcibly filled with water, shipped abroad to even more brutal regimes, and so much worse. That's not my America.

You can click the link below to send your representative a message on how you want her/him to vote:

Tell Congress: My America doesn't torture!

Wouldn't hurt to check out how your presidential candidate stands to vote as well.

------------

Rang Miz Amy's doorbell last evening. The inimicable Miz Grace answers the door, with huge fake black glasses, a cute little knit cardigan, floaty skirt, maryjanes.

"Nice hipster librarian look you've got going there," I told her.

"Thank you! That's exactly what I'm going for," she said. Turns out she's practicing her part in the school play.

She returned the compliment: "Did you cut your hair?" she asked.

In nearly a month, she's the third person to notice -- or at least to comment, unsolicited -- on the fact that I've gone darker and chopped a good 3-4 inches off.

It even came up recently at dinner with my family. "Either it's too subtle or it's really horrible," I said.

"Oh, I don't think it's too subtle," my brother shot back.

I love that man.

------------

From her place, Miz Amy and I ventured downtown, met up with Miz Shannon and headed over to Knickerbockers to see the Killigans.

I like Celtic music. I love punk music. I should like Celtic punk, no?

Maybe it was just that I was having one of those "I'm too old" days ... my back so tight and stiff I had trouble even swaying to the music ... and stupidly wearing heels that made my feet scream by night's end.

Even so, I managed to lure a charming gentleman, in full-on biker regalia, who swayed next to me for awhile, whispered an inappropriate compliment into my ear, then introduced himself as "Gascap."

Suddenly we three ladies all had babysitters to get home to -- even me. Plan A was to introduce him to my TWO lesbian lovers, but I was afraid that'd just lead him on.

Sadly, this is the most significant romantic assignation I've had of late.

And, in my hurry to escape, I apparently left my favorite scarf behind. Just a $5 Target knit scarf, an acessory I hope not to need again for a very long time ... but I really like it and am debating whether it's too geeky to call Knickerbockers tomorrow and see if they have it.

Shannon and Amy were grooving away, and that was lovely to see. These ladies deserve a good time!

------------

My evening:

Gym = Good.

(After Indian brunch, followed by an afternoon on the sofa with cookies, which = Bad, but also Good.)

Old men in tuxes singing doo-wop instead of Jane Austen on PBS = Very Bad. (This is how they're trying to solicit Begging Week donations??)

Scrabulous with Miz K = Very Good. My favorite way to end/start the week!

Seems it's for real.

2008-03-13T10:32:00.006-05:00

As of this morning I am, indeed, now fully cleared for medical.

Now we just wait for an invitation.

Despite the delay, I still seem to be on track for May. But since I'd gotten it into my head that it wouldn't happen, I'm suddenly freaking out. I have a house to sell! A life to pack up! A job to quit! Friends and family -- here and down south -- to soak up before I take off for two years!

Anyone wanna buy a cute little starter bungalow in an adorable, family-centered neighborhood? Anyone?? Hellooo???

------------

Meanwhile, I have brainpower freed up to rant again. Here's the scariest thing I've seen all week (scarier even than Eliot Spitzer's eerie alien eyes):

Petroleum feeds patriarchy

If that's not enough to get you to click on the link, I feel compelled to give you the first few paragraphs:

Climate change. Pollution. Financial expense.

Our gas-guzzling ways have long been associated with a variety of problems, but disturbing evidence now points to a new dimension of our love affair with petroleum: Oil consumption and high oil prices hurt the political, social and economic development of millions of women in oil-producing nations.

You read that right. The more gas you pump and the higher oil prices get, the more likely you are to harm women's empowerment.

... Oil wealth, not Islam, is the primary reason that these nations have regressive gender policies ...

Here's the upshot: Oil-rich countries such as UAE and Saudi Arabiacan can buy goods from abroad instead of manufacturing items themselves. That means fewer low-wage jobs, which means fewer entry-level jobs for women, which means no transforming of the traditional patriarchy as has happened elsewhere when women enter the workforce.

The Washington Post article, and the research on which it's based, spell it out quite alarmingly. Go, read! I'll wait. ...

------------

While we're ranting about energy, here's another article on the evils of corn-based ethanol
(nicked from this cool local blog that seems to focus on energy issues):

Study: Corn ethanol worse than gasoline

And, from aavaz.org, a petition for the summer G8 conference:

Don't burn food: Biofuel standards now!

------------

Mark your calendars:

Dining Out for Life is Tuesday, April 8. A variety of dining establishments will be giving some of their proceeds that day to Nebraska AIDS Project. You don't have to do anything but eat and/or drink. I'll be handing out info and ribbons at The Mill that morning. Come say hi!

------------

Currently reading:

Let Me Stand Alone: The Journals of Rachel Corrie

(She's the young American who was killed by a bulldozer while protesting the destruction of Palestinian homes in the Gaza Strip. Amazingly insightful and well written, even from her teen years.)

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

The White Album by Joan Didion

------------

Emotional whiplash.

2008-03-10T22:11:00.003-05:00

I owe so much to the friends who've indulged my moping and listened to my rants and fears over the past few days. I've been pretty low, and y'all helped bring me out of my funk. Thanks and love to each of you.

But, as the indomitable Miz K points out, the labor pains are forgotten once the newborn is in your arms.

Came home this evening to find a Peace Corps envelope in my mailbox. WTF, I thought -- they've rejected my appeal already?

Well, no, they didn't. Quite the opposite.

I'm cleared for medical. One more piece of unrelated paperwork to get signed and returned, but it's just a formality.

I'm kind of in shock.

Rushed over to the brother's house so I could tell someone in person -- have them read the letter to make sure it really said what I thought it said. And it did.

As Matt and Paige were congratulating me, Emma came in to see what the fuss was about. "That's great!" she told me. "This calls for gum!" (Aunt B is just a giant gum factory for her favorite 8-year-old.)

After the celebratory gum, Paige took me for a celebratory beer. Third Stone has never tasted so good. We read the letter again and again and traded ideas about where I might end up, and for the first time in ages someone even made eyes at me from the bar. (The bar at Brewsky's, but still...)

I still have to receive an invitation -- the when and where. Until that happens, I can't really believe this is really happening. But I'm 90 percent sure it is. You'll know when I know.

Back in contact.

2008-03-09T20:41:00.006-05:00

Yes, I'm alive, and blogging about what I can manage to blog about ...

My top 13 must-sees if I were going to SXSW (in alphabetical order):

Airlane: Who knew there was a Gary Numan tribute band? Back in my techno-emo days I spent much time pondering: Are friends electric?

Body of War: Kimya Dawson's in it, which is all I know and all I need to know. Who's got the crack?

Sera Cahoone: Her first release is one of my favorite driving CDs ... an ethereally folksy voice, sadly complacent in her lulling.

Cockcleaner: List says they're punk. I just like the name. (May substitute Gangbang or The Dicks)

Alejandro Escavedo: Got to see him do the last song of his last set at Antone's last fall. A master songwriter.

The Evangelicals: Like a poppier M. Ward (see below).

Christine Fellows: If anyone makes an overdramatized movie version of my life, "Souvenirs" should be the music that swells over the montage scene just before the anticlimactic end.

Janeane Garofalo: She's listed under the genre "chanteuse." The iTunes store offers no proof. But I'd go just to hear her recite her grocery list. Do you think she has a grocery list? Does Janene do her own shopping? Know what -- I bet she does.

Dawn Landes: So I like folksy, yearny, singer-songwriter chicks. Sue me.

Carolyn Mark: She once partnered with Neko Case as The Corn Sisters. Her song "Not Another Other Woman" cracks me up.

The Sadies: Another former Neko collaborator. Think they were her backing band for her cover of Loretta Lynn's "Rated X," which is in my list of Top 10 Songs I Karaoke in the Privacy of My Own Home, Complete With Choreography And Costume Changes All Worked Out In My Head)

She and Him: Zooey Deschanel with M. Ward. Her floaty voice surprisingly substantial, and a great match for his lush orchestration

Yo La Tengo: They're amazingly diverse ... each CD so different from the last.

Not on the list:

Eagle Seagull: 'Cuz we're lucky enough to be able to see them right here at home.

Tilly and the Wall: Ditto. (Though seeing them at Sokol last summer, surrounded by, oh, I'd guess 13- to 14-year-olds, made me feel Too Damn Old To Do This Shit Anymore.)

Tia Carerra: Seeing her on the list summoned up that old "Sesame Street" song: "One of these things is not like the other ... which one doesn't belong?"

Sigh ... but you know, despite your friendly hometown newspaper dropping a load of money to send a certain over-the-hill reporter to Austin each year to cover this showcase for new bands, all we'll be fed in GZ is REM and Van Morrison and whatever other aging rockers Le K. can still manage to identify with. (See last year's story on Iggy Pop, 30-some years too late.) Bonus points if L.K. passed said rockers in a hotel lobby once so he can wax on and on about how they're such good ol' friends ...

And, if I hadn't publicly committed myself to buying no new music for two months, these would be mine:

Goldfrapp: I like the new CD, "Seventh Heaven," but think I need "Supernature" more.

She and Him: Volume One. Hm, think maybe it's not out yet, so I'm not yet missing out.

Can I cheat, just a little, and get these in time for the family roadtrip to Lake of the Ozarks at month's end? Think the folks would mind if I popped these in their CD player? You know, in between the barbershop and the Basie???

Share the love.

2008-02-14T18:10:00.002-06:00

In honor of Valentine's Day, why not sign the Million For Marriage petition?

It supports the belief that ALL Americans, including gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, deserve the rights, responsibilities and privileges that come with marriage.

Add your voice to those raised in support of marriage equality. The petition already has more than 875,000 signatures -- we're almost there!

Sign now at:

http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/millionformarriageac?rk=CpM9VC11sQJLW

The price of sanity.

2008-02-08T20:27:00.000-06:00

"Optimism is true moral courage." -- Ernest Shackleton

Well, most of y'all know the news by now. I am appealing my Peace Corps rejection -- based, apparently, on a long-ago incident in my battle with depression. (I try not to blame myself for telling the truth on my initial application.)

I'm light-years from where I was eight years ago, and I'm convinced I'll never go to such a dark place again. I know, now, how to veer off the path long before hitting that dead-end.

But hard to convince strangers of that, when I'm just a faceless name on a piece of paper, 1,500 miles away.

Tomorrow I have an appointment for a comprehensive psychological evaluation. If that doesn't prove my sanity, nothing will. And the price of proving it? The low, low one-time payment of $648.

I get one chance at an appeal. It may not be possible to get past the bureaucracy, but I intend to see this all the way through, know I've done everything I could. Turns out I really am committed to this. (Insert joke here).

Inspiration of the day:

“Don’t fuck with me, fellas — this ain’t my first time at the rodeo.”
— Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest"

“You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your own wings on the way down.”
— Ray Bradbury (via Miz K)

Anthems of the day:

I Won’t Back Down / Tom Petty (actually, while I'm loving the sentiment, I hate the song)

I Do Not Want What I Have Not Got / Sinead O'Connor (beautiful message, beautiful song)

Vow of celibacy.

2008-02-03T21:24:00.000-06:00

Well, not that kind of celibacy. Don't really need to take a vow to avoid the unavailable. ;-)

No, I have decided to commit to two months without purchasing media in any form. No books, no magazines, no music -- not even a single iTunes download.

Inspired by a friend's pledge to formally forgo something in order to evolve beyond giving it so much emphasis in her life.

The thought occurred to me the other day that I have a difficult time simply enjoying music without acquiring it -- as if, by "owning" it, I can make it my own. (As a girl, I read that Louisa May Alcott started her writing career by copying, over and over, the words she admired by other writers, until her own style evolved. Didn't really happen for me. I wonder if a similar drive isn't at work here?)

So in part this is part of my attempt to stay in the moment ... to simply enjoy what I hear/read and not worry about whether/when I will want to hear/read it again.

Then there's the fact that despite all my whining about living in poverty, I easily drop $100 a month on books and music. Better spent on medical bills ... or -- think of it! -- dropped into my savings account.

Of course, there'll always be music and books that will speak to me strongly enough that I will indeed return to them again and again. A permanent moratorium this is not. In the meantime, I have plenty in my current collections to keep me occupied.

Next up: Can I possibly live without Internet at home? By dropping web/cable service, I'd save another $63 month ... and an infinite amount of free time, without the time-sucking addiction of looking up "just one more thing" ...

------------

Food for thought

That there's whatcha call a pun, people ...

New York Times: Rethinking the Meat Guzzler

An informative look at how consumption (our own over-, and our encouragement of it globally) is contributing substantially to climate change and other woes ...

------------

A weekend in quotes.

"Some people never go crazy,
What truly horrible lives they must live."
-- Charles Bukowski

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey."
-- Kenji Miyazawa (via Miz K!)

"Every day above ground is good."
-- Shannon on facing up to troubled times

"If it's dangling, you can bitch about it."
-- Shannon on penises

Eeeeeeee.

2008-01-31T23:52:00.000-06:00

Night before last I woke abruptly, flailing from a dream -- not just knocking over my glass of water but spilling it; not just spilling it but breaking the glass; not just breaking the glass but gouging a digit on a jagged shard in the dark. My glass isn't half-empty -- it's ALL empty, because I spilled it and broke it and stabbed myself in the process.

True story. Metaphor, too? I hope not.

------------

But I managed to work it into this writing exercise -- nicked from someone's MySpace blog. Write your own bio, in 500 words or less ... without using the letter "e."

Today my glass not half full but fully vacant, as I not only spill it but I bust it and jab a thumb on its shards to boot. But I want this not as my soul’s symbol. Shit occurs; glass shatt’rs. This fight stops not, and that glass will fill again. (Though might I should switch to plastic?) I stand again at my tap, awaiting my fill, soothing my own thirst from what flows down low. I'm of a mind to start acclimatizing, but it's such an uphill climb. Want world’s crossroads in my sights, its junctions in my grasp. I’m short and – why not admit it? – I’m spunky to match. Want my man but won’t wait 'round. Why, I find I’m strong as I start cultivating my own ground. I’m kind, though I too oft' unwind, ruminating my past. Now wild with might and not afraid to right wrongs, forging my own trail, dancing, vacillating, to drums of my own choosing. And if I mix my imag’ry, if I contradict my synonyms, what of it? Walt wouldn’t mind. Walt would start that party and stay to its last. Conjuring my gut’s Whitman to call out his song as my own; as with him I won’t stop for nothing, no holds barred and no bars to hold onto. Privy only to my thoughts I find it all, with and without rhyming, with and without rhythm, but always, always with spirit intact. At my last, that’s all I can ask. I'm my own vision; I'm why I stay.

------------

When it comes to fight or flight, my first tendency is still flight. But I'm finding that's nothing more than old habit. The fighter in me is, well, fighting to get out.

Another of the Deep Thoughts I've been journal-jotting as they come to me in the past couple of days.

Mostly, they make me sleepy.

Good fortune? When?

2008-01-30T09:22:00.001-06:00

This was the message inside the fortune cookie William gave me along with free sushi leftovers.

I have no doubt my next adventure will be a good one, but when, exactly will it begin?

Trying my best to cultivate patience. But it is so not in my nature.

This morning, I got an email update:

"Peace Corps sent you an important letter regarding the status of your application on January 29, 2008. Please review the contents of the letter and contact the Peace Corps if you have questions."

WHY would they not just email the content of the letter? I'm on pins and needles here!

My recruiter doesn't have access to any info. At first she thought it might be my invitation, but on rethinking realized it's likely way too early for that.

The placement office in D.C. at least was able to tell me it's a message from the medical office.

So I emailed my medical officer, who responded with this extremely helpful message:

"The letter will inform you of the status of your medical review. "

My online application still shows a "hold" on my medical clearance. I can only assume that they need more information. But why tease me this way? Why not just let me know what they need from me? Why email me to let me know they've snail-mailed me?

Or, as once again I immediately jump to the worst-case scenario, are they writing to let me know my services are not needed -- not now, not never, nohow?

OK, OK ... all I can do is wait. Patience. If I can't call upon it now, how will I cope in another world?

Reading about a serial killer.

2008-01-27T21:17:00.001-06:00

I'm reading a relatively new book called "28: Stories of AIDS in Africa." That's one story for every 1 million Africans currently living with AIDS. Truck drivers and soldiers who unwittingly spread the disease cross-country and cross-continent ... and fail to change their behaviors even after they understand how HIV is transmitted. Elderly women left to care for dozens of grandchildren when their own children die, one after the other. Children, so many children, born HIV positive and then orphaned. Wives abandoned by the husbands who infected them, then shuned by their families and communities. Activists who dare to publicly challenge dictatorial governments. The extent of the ostracism is baffling, considering the simultaneous, astronomical infection rates -- in many cases, those who shut out/shout down the HIV+ are infected themselves.

The author sounds an optimistic note, and perhaps attitudes and statistics are beginning to change. Antiretrovirals have been proven to keep patients healthy, and the sheer numbers mean one can be public about HIV status without being beaten to death.

But from what little I've been reading, there's plenty ofwork to be done. Condoms are still routinely laughed at and unavailable. Medications are more affordable, but clinics remain woefully underfunded, understaffed and understocked -- how can they offer drug therapy to everyone who needs it when they can't even keep latex gloves in stock? Presidents disparage the medications that can keep HIV+ Africans healthy ... or continue to publicly claim that AIDS isn't spread by sex.

Currently a movement is afoot to focus world aid resources not on HIV/AIDS but on Africa's other pandemics -- malnutrition, malaria, parasites, etc. Certainly these are mass killers as well, but AIDS has virtually wiped out an entire generation of an entire continent. If it isn't brought under control, the spiral will continue. Isn't there enough aid to go around?

------------

I hope my fellow Nebraskans got out and enjoyed this amazing day. Fifty-two degrees, last time I checked; when I spoke to Miz K down Tucson-way, she said it was about 60 there. We're catching up! Think sunshine, everyone ...

Hibernation now, harmattan later?

2008-01-19T13:28:00.000-06:00

I am officially boycotting this wintry Nebraska day. Ten degrees out, up considerably from the 5 below when I ventured out to the gym this morning. Now I've decided this day can only be spent cocooning. Snuggled safely indoors, looking out ice-painted windows while reading of the dry harmattan heat of a Peace Corps life in Togo.

Krista, alternatively, has invited me down to Tucson for a hike in a 60-degree winter desert. Sounds lovely, but here is where I am, and here is not so bad.

More than likely, next year this time I'll be bemoaning the hot, dry season wherever I end up in Africa. So, much as I bitch about hating these Nebraska winters, today I am soaking up the good points while I can ... surrounded by afghans and books, pot of tea to hand, thinking chili for supper later and maybe even a starlight walk around the block just to shake my crazy life up a bit.

------------

So I'm comparing George Packer's PC experiences in Togo a quarter-century ago with Sarah Erdman's account of her PC service in Ghana in the late '90s. What's most depressing is that so little seems to have changed, development-wise, in the intervening years. Electricity and potable water far from the norm for the average village. Education only a nominal priority, and only involving memorization/repetition; comprehending the big picture is actually frowned upon. Any means of grasping one's way out of barely subsistence poverty constantly thwarted, whether by punishing climate or dictatorial government or jealous neighbors.

The haunting overall question, summoned by the stories I've read so far: Does the Peace Corps actually bring any concrete improvements? The next question, of course, has to be how one defines "improvement." These are the issues I'm preparing to grapple with ... on, now, to some new books on the AIDS crisis in Africa.

In related news, a new Lancet study suggests that funds earmarked for fighting the global AIDS crisis might be better spent on health basics such as malnutrition, family planning, clean water and malaria, which kill far more worldwide than AIDS. What's sad is that we think we have to choose which devastating health risks to battle.

-------------

Hmm. The only flaw in my hibernation plan is my failure to have picked up a video or two. Watched "Il Postino" last night for the first time, and fell in love (again) with Pablo Neruda. Terribly sweet, romantic movie.

Quote of the day: "Poetry doesn't belong to those who wrote it, but to those who need it." -- from "Il Postino"

Currently reading: Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair, Pablo Neruda

Currently listening: Country for True Lovers, Eleni Mandell

"... and the days keep rolling along ..."

2008-01-13T20:04:00.000-06:00

1.

One little snippet of Peace Corps news: I've already received my dental clearance! My dad (who's also my dentist) will be so proud.

That's the easy, and speedy, part of PC medical approval. Don't expect to hear anything else anytime soon.

2.

Don't you love those episodes when it seems as if the universe sends you exactly what you need exactly when you need it? They sneak in, overshadowing the far vaster series of moments in which things just don't work out that way.

Last week, my real-estate agent came by to talk about selling my house. The short story: Thanks to a flattened market, a bit of financial recklessness on my part (actually using a home-equity line I was strong-armed into at the point of purchase), the brief time I've owned the place and -- mostly -- the realtor fees, right now I would get back about 40 percent of my down payment. I spent the rest of the day in a state of shock.

The next day, I ran into a friend/coworker in the ladies' room. "I dreamt of you last night," she said. "I dreamt that instead of selling your house, you rented it to my brother instead."

I hadn't wanted to even consider renting instead of selling ... didn't want to worry about what I couldn't possibly control/manage from half a world away. But if I were to rent, said brother is one of about half a dozen people I can actually envision inking a deal with. A master carpenter with a proven devotion to older homes. Hmmm...

If that doesn't work out, another possibility emerges. My sister-in-law says her mother is contemplating buying a few rental properties, with sis-in-law acting as property manager. Her mom's a lawyer, so we could avoid the realtor fees.

And if that doesn't work out, a couple of other trustworthy friends have expressed interest. I'm encouraged enough to feel sure that, one way or another, I won't lose what's left of my life savings.

Truth is, even the worst-case scenario would be worth the life change to me. I suppose that says everything.

3.

As if I weren't hemorrhaging money enough, I had an epiphany of my own last week. I've been dreading the thought of having to wear glasses for the next two years -- they're clunky and accident-prone, and I don't see with them nearly as well as with contacts. Yet I understand why PC frowns on contacts -- sanitary safety would be, at best, difficult to maintain.

Wouldn't it be great, I thought one morning as I woke and squinted to read the 2-inch LCD letters six inches from my face, if I could just suddenly acquire 20-2o vision?

So I've made an appointment for a Lasik consultation. Not sure I'm a good candidate, but I think it's worth looking into. If you have a Lasik story to share -- good or bad, yours or your SO's or your brother's friend or sheer rumor -- bring it on.

------------

Currently reading: "The Village of Waiting," by George Packer

Currently hearing: "Life is Sweet," Maria McKee

The big sendoff.

2008-01-03T21:48:00.001-06:00

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." — Andre Gide

My doctor called today. The biopsy, as she expected, showed absolutely nothing. She faxed over the lab report -- the final missing piece of paper for my Peace Corps medical packet.

After all the rushing and cajoling and organizing and angstifying over the past couple of months, it felt a bit anticlimactic to seal the envelope and drop it in the mail this evening. Nothing to do now but wait a couple months or so.

Meanwhile, I'm immersed in books about AIDS in Africa and about the Peace Corps life in general, and so already I have a new topic to obsess over: Can I really do this? The bucket baths, the lack of electricity, the complete lack of privacy, the biting of tongue when cultures clash, the wondering whether I'm really making a difference ...

Do I really have any idea what I'm getting myself into?

I'm sure I don't ... but I'm naively looking forward to the adventure ...

------------

Obama in Iowa!

Things just started to get interesting ...

------------

Who, I wonder, is my new friend in Waukesha, Wisconsin???

------------

Currently reading: "Nine Hills to Nambonkaha: Two Years in the Heart of an African Village," Sarah Erdman

Currently hearing: "Pop-Pop!," Rickie Lee Jones

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T18:29:00.001-06:00

Life is not a constant thing;
it's only made of short stories ...
-- Neko Case, "Guided By Wire"

I'm looking forward to seeing what the next chapter brings for each of us ... I hope your 2008 got off to a good start. I know mine did!

------------

Start the new year off as an optimistic environmentalist ... fill out Lincoln Electric System's online survey to suggest priorities for sustainable energy projects. Where it asks for additional suggestions, I offered "promotion/incentives for solar water heaters and solar energy panels." Who knows ... maybe something might actually come of it?

------------

Favorite fortune cookie of the New Year's weekend:

Pay attention to your nonverbal cues, and try turning it down.

Especially funny when you know the two words to add to the end of every fortune ...

Dem Bastards.

2007-12-27T20:42:00.000-06:00

Don't forget -- Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash, live at the Zoo Bar, Friday night!

Or at the Waiting Room in O-Town on Saturday!

Be there or be ... you know ... not there ...

Me, I'll be there!

... and to all a good night.

2007-12-24T18:26:00.000-06:00

------------

Hands down, my favorite Christmas tradition is listening to David Sedaris read his piece "6 to 8 Black Men." In searching for an online version to share with y'all, the best I could come up with is this -- it's in three parts, and it has ridiculous and unrelated video, but it's the Carnegie Hall version which I find makes me particularly giggly.

http://araclip.net/six+eight+black+men-cLiPsbJpRLhaSqs.html
http://araclip.net/six+eight+black+men-cLiPvU1D1HKTDCY.html
http://araclip.net/six+eight+black+men-cLiPg17Pl7MFMco.html

Warning: May not be child appropriate. Enjoy ... and consider it your Christmas gift from me this year.

------------

But wait! The lliterary geek holiday video fun doesn't end there!

Grammar Girl offers a hilarious video -- lyrics included! -- entitled "Grammar Got Run Over By a Reindeer."

Warning: You may become more gramatically correct as a result of listening to this.

------------

My favorite Christmas card this year was handcrafted by my next-door neighbor, who has three little ones. The quote on the card is courtesy 5-year-old Gus:

Christmas smells kind of like,
well ... outside, in Christmas,
it kind of smells really good.
Like some days,
when there isn't snow,
it smells like snow is already here.

May you all have a festive, stress-free holiday ... and here's wishing for a more peaceful 2008.

------------

It's all downhill from here.

2007-12-22T06:09:00.000-06:00

The days will begin getting longer again.

I'm not a religious person, but I do make note of the solstices. I like to get up early and pay some conscious attention to the cycles of nature that get us through everything. It's a tradition I started on a beach in Mexico at a pivotal time in my life, and it seems to carry me through every season. To remember all that has been so good, and to remember that everything ebbs and flows.

The precise moment of solstice was 12:08 a.m. central time. So, without even realizing it, I passed solstice by talking on the phone with one of the sweetest souls I know. Good karma, I think. Looking forward to being in this time and place next weekend.

I'm awake early, and alert, but with the sweet luxury of being able to burrow back under the covers and roll back into sleep.

------------

Last night was my last chance to catch the Tijuana Gigolos. Managed to squeeze into the Zoo just in time to hear them finish their last set. Not a bit disappointed, though ... you know how you need to be in a certain mood to hear certain kinds of music, or to have a certain experience? I wasn't in a Zoo frame of mind anyway.

Instead, the mood I was in last night matched the people I caught up with ... some of my favorite people in the world. Discussing music and politics and scatology and Dueling Penguins and family dynamics and the future and everything else there is to discuss.

Happy birthday, Podunk! And happy holidays to my book-clubbing chicas ...

------------

Politically, I'm not a fan of Hillary Clinton. I want an unapologetic progressive who doesn't equivocate on the need to get out of world conflicts. And is electable. Pipe dreams, and I don't even have a pipe.

But this Ellen Goodman column really pisses me off. Going off on Rush Limbaugh going off on how America can't handle a Miz Clinton presidency because she's getting older ... and no one wants to see a woman getting older.

She's a year younger than our current president. And only four years older than Limbaugh, who of course is such a treat to gaze upon.

Didn't hear him talking about Thompson's grizzled jowls or McCain's age spots.

How old was Reagan, again? And Bush I? And most of Congress?

Just some political ranting to start my day, get my own gray-haired, crow-footed juices flowing ...

Waiting for Peace.*

2007-12-19T20:38:00.000-06:00

(Warning: TMI alert!)

*Cribbed the title from some Peace Corps-related Web site. I like the double entendre.

The wait continues. My doctor called today. The pap smear came back from its second round of testing, and now I need a colposcopy ... the technical term for rummaging around up in my kootchie to look for any signs of cancer. Biopsy some tissue. It'll take about two minutes, and then another week or so to wait for those results.

I assume they'll be the same as last year's. A few cells of a low grade of a high-risk HPV strain. No cancer; not even any precurors to cancer. By my age, something like 80 percent of the population has had HPV come and go without even knowing it. Nothing, really, to worry about.

And I'm not -- not about that, anyway. Just really tired of being tested, in every sense of the word. I'm no longer afraid that high-risk HPV alone would eliminate me from PC consideration. But it's hard not to wonder whether something else is wrong. It's hard not to freak out about all the money this is costing me. And I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm not the most patient person in the world. ;-)

I'm ready to move on in the world, but the world's just not ready for me yet.

Called half a dozen people tonight; got half a dozen answering machines, and even my mommy hasn't called me back.

So I seek other diversions and go to bed early, referencing Tom Petty and Scarlett O'Hara.

Ice capades.

2007-12-16T21:45:00.001-06:00

A week ago, when my sister-in-law mentioned she needed a second adult to take a group of Girl Scouts ice skating, I enthusiastically volunteered. Then I remembered that the last time I went ice skating, I was younger than these 8-year-olds ... and it was on double-bladed skates. I was sure I'd spend the day gripping the railing, the evening nursing my bruises.

To my surprise, ice skating apparently is a lot like riding a bike. I'm not saying I didn't wobble a bit, but I managed to quickly get up to speed, then picked up speed and even negotiated a couple of slow twirls. Even more surprising, I didn't go down once -- no bruises, no swelling.

Best part of the day: Five third-graders giggly and fearless even when they fell -- especially when the fell. They got right back up and kept going. They held each others' hands. They laughed at themselves. They ignored the cold. They were so in the moment, and into the moment.

Lovely setting, too ... surrounded by Mahoney State Park's rolling, snow-covered plains.

Anyone want in on a post-New Year outing? I'm dying to go back.

--------------

In more adult entertainment: I've spent the past few days indulging a new addiction.

Insomnia, uncured by books, drove me to iTunes in search of something mindless to download and watch in bed. Right away I found a show I'd kept hearing about and had avoided because I knew I'd get hooked right away.

That's right. I'm addicted to "Weeds."

The first taste wasn't free, but it was only $1.99. After that, though, I had to buy my own bag -- the entire first season. For season two, I managed to mooch off Miz Amy.

But now my whole stash is gone. I went through two seasons in three days. And my next fix is nowhere in sight.

No worries, though. I can quit anytime I want.

Does it snow in Africa?

2007-12-15T12:05:00.000-06:00

On Kilimanjaro, sure, but I'm betting it doesn't wherever I'm going. Which is good. I've shoveled at least four times in the past two weeks -- and I lazily ignored a couple of other "opportunities." This morning it was a good four inches ... and still coming down steadily.

Finally had a couple of little meltdowns this past week over all the Peace Corps paperwork. It's been such a struggle to collect -- over the past two months I've been to eight clinics, averaging 1.75 visits per clinic, plus countless phone calls, cajoling, mistakes, wine spills, etc. Even I'm tired of hearing myself whine about it.

Last week I got a glimpse of what it's all gonna cost me, too. (Tip: No matter how healthy you are now, never, ever take the high-deductible insurance plan.) And this week, my pap smear did indeed come back with "atypical" cells. Nothing serious, more than likely, but hard not to worry. And all I can do is wait.

It's all brought my emotions pretty close to the surface lately. But there've been ups as well as downs. I discount neither. More of each to come, I'm sure. Hang in there with me.

------------

Still in a food coma from last night. We celebrated Miz Amy's birthday with sushi at the unfortunately named O'Yummy. It's better than it sounds, though of course you takes yer chances with sushi in landlocked Nebraska.

Sure wish I'd had my camera, not only to capture the glowing birthday girl, but to capture the neon signs out front: "Sushi bar" right next to "Tackle Shop." For real.

Now the Bookstore Maven, Miz Meleeska and I are off to brave the snow and have lunch at Sher-E-Punjab. At this rate, Santa will have to bring me new pants for Christmas!

------------

Quote of the day:

"Find your place on the planet, dig in, and take responsibility from there."

— Gary Snyder

Rotten tomatoes.

2007-11-29T08:25:00.000-06:00

If you have any handy, lob 'em in the direction of Burger King.

Do you remember the Taco Bell boycott a few years back, because the Bell wouldn't agree to a measly increase in wages for the migrant workers who pick their produce? A boycott that actually got relatively quick results.

Now it's Burger King's turn. As "Fast Food Nation"'s Eric Schlosser writes in today's New York Times, BK won't sign on to a similar agreement, thus killing deals with the other fast-food giants. The pickers are asking for a mere penny's raise per pound of tomatoes -- meaning they'd earn about 77 cents per bucket. The head of a "growers" (landowners) consortium calls this request "pretty much un-American." They and the fast-food giants say it's the owner's right to run his business "his way" (think BK's "have it your way" motto).

Sure, but it's equally the consumer's right -- and responsibility -- to decide how to spend her/his money. And you can decide not to spend it on a company that thinks so little of those who do its backbreaking work. And you can further tell BK that you want it "your way" -- you're willing to pay extra to inch even closer to a fair wage for those workers.

It's interesting to note that one of Burger King's main stockholders is financial giant Goldman Sachs. The CEO of Goldman Sachs "earned" a $53.4 million bonus last year -- a Wall Street record. And thats just his bonus, not his "earnings."

An extra penny per bucket of tomatoes, by contrast, would cost Burger King $250,000 a year.

This pisses me off particularly because I don't do fast food anymore -- yet yesterday, while volunteering at Nebraska AIDS Project, I had a caffeine craving and went down the block for a Diet Coke. And what's down the block from NAP? Burger King, of course.

So I want to ask each of you to do two easy things -- especially easy compared with the average tomato picker's work of picking two tons of tomatoes a day (think about that for a sec):

1. Boycott Burger King. Because, beyond the health and environmental and animal rights reasons, is this really where you want your money to go? To help the CEOs of the world earn billions on the backs of those who do their dirtiest, hardest labor?

2. Contact BK and tell them why you're boycotting:

Burger King
Consumer Relations Department
5505 Blue Lagoon Drive
Miami, FL 33126
(305) 378-3000

There. I've made it pretty easy for you. You could even just copy and paste a version of this post into your letter or email. It'll take you, like, five minutes. You can do that for some fellow human beings, can't you?

Join the Church.

2007-11-27T22:40:00.000-06:00

... The Church of Stop Shopping, that is.

The new documentary "What Would Jesus Buy" is at the Ross through Dec. 6. The point is to take a leap of faith -- a flying leap off the consumer bandwagon.

Knowing (hoping) I'm headed for Africa next spring has really killed my desire to acquire, and that's an awfully good side effect. Suddenly, I don't need anything.

To that end, I've tried to talk my family into not buying each other Christmas presents. None of us needs anything or even wants anything -- it's a struggle even to think of what to get each other. I'd much rather we just spend a slow, comfortable day together ... eating too much, laughing at the kids ... that'd be gift enough for me. But they refuse to buy in, so to speak.

OK, so go get yourself a cup of organic, free trade coffee ... I've been saving up several similar opportunities to proselytize ...

Bag the bags.

The Journal Star had a good story on a Doane College project to recycle plastic bags into more permanent totes. There's more info and even a how-to video here. A truly great idea, no? They make it sound easy to try at home ...

Why waste it just because you can?

Treehugger.com is always a great resource for useable tips on reducing consumption and waste. One of their latest drives is to promote the use of an email signature that says something like: "Save a tree. Don't print this email."

Believe it or not, according to this L.A. Times article, this small idea has created controversy. Is it just sanctimonious liberalism, the idea that using less paper can make a difference?

When I look at the overflowing pile of papers no one even bothers to pick up from our office printers -- several reams' worth, every single day, I can't help but think it can't hurt to try and be a bit less wasteful. Fewer trees killed, fewer landfills clogged, less electricity/energy/ink used ... what could be wrong with that?

Freecycling.

Along with wasting less, we could all be re-using more. The Freecycle Network aims to make that easier -- it's kind of a Craig's List of things people don't need anymore and are willing to give away locally. I haven't signed up to see if there's much Lincoln action, but I plan to. I'll let y'all know what I find.

Do you want to play a game?

Are you up to the challenge of testing yourself to see just how sustainable a life you're living? Consumerconsequences.org offers just such a test. I measured a 4.1 -- not nearly as good as I'd hoped. But collected some good tips for improvement in energy use. It's kinda fun, if you have five minutes to kill.

This shit, it is bananas.

I've stopped buying bananas that aren't organic from the local health-food coop. Here's why:

Chiquita sued over killings in Colombia

Chiquita paid off guerillas to protect their "interests." Chiquita and Dole both have a long history of infiltrating, then decimating, local Latin American communities. For an only slightly ficitionalized history, see the opening chapters of Marquez's "One Hundred Years of Solitude." I can't knowingly support a company that considers human lives expendable.

More food for thought.

Related to the bananas, I recently came across this New York Times article:

Five easy ways to go organic

Milk and apples were already deal-killers for me -- they have to be organic. Too much bad stuff in the commercial stuff. Bananas, too -- for political rather than health or environmental reasons. Peanut butter's one that hadn't occurred to me. Miz K has suggested I try making my own ... a good winter project!

Still more food for thought.

Last weekend's book club focused on "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" -- the Barbara Kingsolver book I reviewed last spring about growing/making one's own food or, when that's impossible, buying only from within a 100-mile radius. Unfortunately, most of my fellow bookies found it rather guilt inducing. I'm as guilt-prone as the next bleeding heart, but it didn't make me feel guilty at all; rather, I found it inspiring for the many possible small changes/choices I could make. A few snippets that may, in turn, inspire you:

-- “If every U.S. citizen ate just one meal a week (any meal) composed of locally and organically raised meats and produce, we would reduce our country’s oil consumption by over 1.1 million barrels of oil every week.”

-- “Each food item in a typical U.S. meal has traveled an average of 1,500 miles. … Energy calories consumed by production, packaging, and shipping far outweigh the energy calories we receive from the food.”

-- “(T)here-quarters of all human food now comes from just eight species, with the field quickly narrowing down to genetically modified corn, soy, and canola.”

-- “Six companies – Monsanto, Syngenta, DuPont, Mitsui, Aventis and Dow – now control 98 percent of the world’s seed sales. These companies invest heavily in research whose purpose is to increase food production capacity only in ways that can be controlled strictly.”

-- “The business of importing foods across great distances is not, by its nature, a boon to Third World farmers, but it’s very good business for oil companies.”

-- “Government quality standards are stricter for tap water than for bottled.”

-- “In 1965, U.S. farmers used 335 million pounds of pesticides. In 1989 they used 806 million pounds. Less than ten years after that, it was 985 million. That’s three and a half pounds of chemicals for every person in the country, at a cost of $8 billion. Twenty percent of these approved-for-use pesticides are listed by the EPA as carcinogenic in humans.”

-- “Because they grow underground, conventional potatoes are among the most pesticide-contaminated vegetables.”

Next up: I'm reading "The Omnivore's Dilemma," so expect more proselytizing soon.

Quote of the day.

“Speak your mind even if your voice shakes.”
– Maggie Kuhn (founder, Gray Panthers)

"Oh crap -- I'm 40!"

2007-11-24T06:10:00.001-06:00

-- T-shirt birthday gift from my ever-helpful ex-husband.

Actually, that's not how I feel about it at all. The past few years have been the best of my life, despite all the angst and challenges, and I expect the next five to be better yet.

Not bad for 40, huh?

So excuse the tardiness in this post from my birthday adventure in Tucson. You can blame it on Miz K, who kept me so entertained that I've only just recovered. (And who also gave me a real literary potboiler of a novel that I had to finish before I could do anything else this week.)

It had been way, way too long since I'd seen my dearest friend. (You can read her account of the weekend here.) So how did we start our weekend? By going to see Neko Case, of course!

I've seen Neko three times now, each time with Miz K, and this was the best show yet. Her voice was *on.* Plus, it was a benefit for No Mas Muertes, an extremely worthy cause.

Friday we spent in forced relaxation mode, waiting for the gas inspector (insert gas joke here; it's a long story of annoyance you can catch up on by reading Miz K's blog), then headed up to Phoenix to visit the homemaker's mecca that is Ikea, then spend the night with K's sister Julie and her adorable family.

Saturday evening we went on a mini bar-crawl to see out my 30s, photographic proof of which can be found on K's blog (dig the birthday hats!). Started at The District, the closest replication of our O'Rourke's stomping grounds back home. Met up with a work friend of Krista's and some friends of his at Plush for live music, then to Che's Lounge (get it?), which I knew was gonna be cool as soon as I heard the cover band wailing "G-L-O-R-I-A" as we walked in the door.

But the definite highlight was my birthday proper, spent exactly as I had hoped: with a dear friend, hiking on a mountain, then watching the sun go down over the rocky cliffs. The top of Mount Lemmon, in the Catalinas, is less than an hour's drive from Krista's front door.

The drive itself was amazingly beautiful -- we kept gasping each time we rounded a bend. As we ascended the 9,000 feet, craggy cliffs peopled with saguaros pointing the way upward gave way to aspens and pines and cool mountain air.

We chose the Sunset Trail, not at all challenging, but a lovely short hike down to Marshall Gulch and back. Fallen leaves made a lovely crunching noise under our feet, pine needles whispering and giving off their unmistakeable, cleansing scent, and the glitter of quartz begging for a closer look.

We scurried back down to 6,000 feet to get to Windy Point in time for the sunset. Too many people there, but the view is lovely, over a sheer cliff. We dangled our feet over the edge, watched a couple of rock climbers, and sat mesmerized as the sky turned golden, then cotton-candy pink streaks, then back to gold again, shimmery as fool's gold.

The sunset and other good photos are Miz K's expert work with my dorky little camera. With her permission, I've posted them all on my Flickr site -- I'm always amazed by how she can frame a setting to bring out its most enticing features.

That evening, Krista took me to the Bee Line for my birthday dinner -- a good bottle of wine and the best fish tacos I've ever had. Doesn't she look old-school elegant, in her new short 'do?

The week's end came too soon. Monday we went to El Charro (great corn tamales! I miss tamales!) and did some shopping in the old town neighborhood. I couldn't resist buying a cowboy hat, even though straw is out of season here in the north.

I'm gonna have to find the travel fundage to get back to Tucson more often, because it's a truly awesome town and home to one of my favorite people in the world.

Quote of the day is by Miz K herself, on why she can't be an actor:

"I like being myself too much."

Going into my 40th decade, I find these excellent words to live by.

Whither goest Winona?

2007-11-12T09:37:00.000-06:00

My plans to stalk the role model of my youth have been dashed. It seems Winona Ryder has backed out of the movie being filmed around Louisville/Plattsmouth. I *so* wanted to be Winona circa "Reality Bites." She was so tiny and impish and impulsive ... Audrey Hepburn for the slacker generation ...

Just tonight, a relatively new friend asked whether I'd ever had short hair. I had 2-inch long locks for most of my adult life. I was striving for Winona, but I think I just came off as butch.

I forget that so many people in my life now don't know the "old" me. Even I have a hard time remembering her. Part of me wonders who I'd become if I were to cut my hair ... it grew out just as I grew into myself, and as a result I think I've given it a Samsonesque quality.

Meanwhile, the stranger who was the husband to the "old" me gave me a birthday gift tonight ... a Tshirt that says "Holy Crap! I'm 40!" Just the gift to pick up at The Wal-Mart along with a case of Old Milwaukee on your way to the big birthday bash at the trailer park.

In related news, Miz K informs me via TM that she cut her hair off this weekend. I'll get to see for myself in a few days ... I take off Wednesday evening for Tucson. Can't wait to see the town, the lovely little abode ... but most especially Miz K herself!

I plan to be hiking a nearby mountain on my 40th birthday. And no, I won't be wearing that damn T-shirt.

"Characters searching for something to search for."

2007-10-31T01:19:00.000-05:00

I found this description of Wes Anderson's characters the other day in a review of "The Darjeeling Limited." Maybe that's why I find them so endearing. It's meant to imply a flake alert ... but to me there's no higher compliment.

Life is in the search.

Note for the holiday shopping season:

Before you buy your favorite little one that Barbie doll, or that adorable little getup at Gap Kids, read/listen to this first:

Gap, Mattel, Speedo, Wal-Mart Products Linked to Child and Sweatshop Labor in China and India

Better yet, let her read/listen for herself. If our young'uns knew that all those meaningless little trinkets were made by children just like themselves, forced into 12 hours or more of labor without the food or home or love we have the luxury of taking for granted, I firmly believe they wouldn't find all the bright plastics nearly so alluring.

Only Halloween, and already I'm bombarding you with politically correct Christmas shopping advice ...

What doesn't kill us ...

This little tidbit from the Washington Post makes me more appreciative of the stresses/stressors in my own life:

Stress Makes Birds More Daring

Birds bred to have higher levels of stress hormones are bolder -- not more scared and retiring -- when faced with a potentially hazardous new situation, a surprising study has found. The "stressed" birds were more willing to visit a feeder in a new cage and to return to it after being startled, than were their more laid-back brethren.

Like other animals -- humans included -- the birds respond to stresses such as the presence of a predator or a new environment by producing a hormone, which in birds is called corticosterone. But some birds have naturally higher levels of the hormone than others. ...

"It initially seems counterintuitive that birds with higher levels of the stress hormone showed bolder behavior, normally associated with confidence," said Thais Martins, lead author of the study, published last week in the journal Hormones and Behaviour. "However, corticosterone is released to help tackle stress by encouraging the animal to adopt key survival behaviors like seeking food. So on reflection, perhaps it is not surprising that these birds are more likely to explore the environment and look for food."

Geeky joke of the day: (thanks to Miz AJ for the article in which this appeared)

Q: What do copy editors use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

I have been assimilated.

2007-10-28T22:30:00.001-05:00

An add to the Halloween mix below:

Bodysnatchers / Radiohead

Curse "All Songs Considered"! It always forces me to go buy new music. I resist listening to the podcasts for just this reason ... then I overindulge and listen to, like, five at a time.

I've never been much of a Radiohead fan, but hearing just a few clips from the online release of "In Rainbows" made me crave it. So lush and orchestral ... without the self-indulgent weirdness of "OK Computer." I can't listen to anything else.

Also "have to have" the new Jolie Holland, a Senegalese singer named Youssou N'Dour, and some Chinese punk compilation.

Quote of the day:

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." -- Andre Gide

Annoyance of the day:

Have you ever finally, after much searching, found exactly the perfect product -- after trying many, rejecting each, finally happened upon the perfect solution to your problem -- and then been unable to find it, anywhere, ever again?

For me, it's a hair clip. It's so great. It has rubber grips so it really stays in place. It's big enough to hold my thick hair. It simply does not budge. And I cannot find another. Anywhere.

If you see such an awesome, rubber, hair-gripping, badass black hair clip, buy it -- I promise I'm good for it.

Also ISO ...

I need a new word. Not a mantra, exactly. I don't know what to call it. I have a word (a name, actually) that is the first thing in my head, on my lips even, in the morning, the last at night. It has absolutely no connection with my current life. Its meaning has long since transcended the person to whom the name is connected. I think it is just the word I put to my yearning for ... more. For what I want my life to be.

And so, entonces, I need to find a new word to associate with this feeling, a substitute I can use to retrain my thought pattern. Something positive; something forward-moving; something that puts me, mentally, in charge of my own destiny, instead of giving a smidgen of even symbolic power to someone long since gone from my life.

Ideas?

OK, off to bed -- up early for my tuberculosis test (for Peace Corps). Wish me luck! ;-)

Giving up the ghost.

2007-10-27T11:51:00.000-05:00

My darling friend Miz N sent me her annual Halloween mix CD this week. It rocks! If she posts her own playlist, I'll link to it. (and she has!)

I am lazy this year, so no mix for y'all. But here's what I'd do if I *were* to make a mix. Feel free to DIY.

The Devil Never Sleeps / Iron and Wine
Candy Everybody Wants / 10,000 Maniacs
Howl at the Moon / Tijuana Gigolos
Night of the Living Dead / Tilly & the Wall
People Who Died / Jim Carroll Band
Witches / Cowboy Junkies
Deathly / Aimee Mann
Ghost Ranch / Beck
Happy Phantom / Tori Amos
The Hungry Wolf / X
The Devil Had a Hold on Me / Gillian Welch
The Moon Is Shining / Indigenous
I Wish I Was the Moon / Neko Case
Devil Boots / Mark Sandman
Wicked Ways / Garbage
This Devil's Workday / Modest Mouse
Devil in My Car / The B-52's
Moondance / Van Morrison
Ghost Of Yesterday / Billie Holiday
Dark as the Dungeon / Johnny Cash
Pink Moon / Nick Drake
Zombie / Fela Kuti

A bit too long for one CD, I s'pose ...

Be cool, man -- it's the fuzz.

2007-10-23T11:36:00.001-05:00

That's no way to start the day, is it?

I'd just gotten out of the shower when the door rang. Cops milling about my front yard/street, and one at the door asking what I knew about the teddy bear. What teddy bear?

Apparently an abandoned teddy bear had been lying in my lawn, and some passerby called the police because it was "leaking a white powdery substance." I know this not because of the unnecessarily rude cop who rang my bell -- he just said "Stay inside" and walked away when I asked what was going on. Meanwhile, firetrucks are blocking both ends of the street and more cops are cordoning off my front yard with police tape. How is all this activity not supposed to scare me?

Thank *goodness* a cute firefighter was available to amble over and answer my questions from the safety of my front porch. And thank goodness this country is full of Good Amerricuns who when to call the authorities. A ripped up teddy bear oozing powdery innards -- alert the police at once! Our public safety is at risk! The terrorists are at it again!

Men in various uniforms stood around for awhile, one took pictures, bagged the bear and ... scene.

Two blogs in one morning ... how lucky are you that my life is *this* fascinating?

Exhaustin' Austin.

2007-10-23T08:27:00.000-05:00

Back from the TX. A lovely, lazy, long weekend. Got to see my friend V play in some non-BSOJC groups -- Latin and country. An all-upright bass weekend, too. No cooler instrument exists.

What-all we did: Met Alejandro Escovedo at Antone's; chilled to some badass soul/dance at the Continental Club; lotsa motorcycle rides, crusing SoCo; played tourist (bats under the overpass, state capitol, O. Henry's house); watched a disturbing Fellini film ("Le Notti de Cabiria") and went to "Darjeeling Limited"; found out I'm surprisingly good at pinball, especially when the machine freaks out and sends out five-six balls at a time ...

What we didn't quite get around to this time around: Riding one of his antique tandem bikes; teaching me to play the cursed "Smoke on the Water" on bass; heading down to the surf.

Now to buckle down and get my medical info in order for PC service.

And looking forward to Tucson in November.

Song of the day: "To Live is to Fly," Cowboy Junkies

To live is to fly
Low and high
So shake the dust out of your wings
and the sleep out of your eyes ...

Peace-full.

2007-10-17T23:25:00.001-05:00

I got the call today. I've officially been nominated to the Peace Corps.

Sub-Saharan Africa, May 2008, public health.

Assuming I pass all the medical tests and get enough volunteer experience over the next six months.

In a slight state of shock, I suppose, but mostly I just feel really, really peaceful -- no pun intended.

This feels very right.

Start saving your travel fundage now -- plane fare to Africa ain't cheap, but I'll show you an amazing time!

Is it just me ...

2007-10-14T20:49:00.000-05:00

... or is this just really, really funny?

(If you're wondering, it's the pod left over after a canna stops blooming.)

Open. And closed. And open ...

Lil' Bro called this rainy morning, suggesting it might be a good day to put in my new garage door opener, the one that's been sitting in its box, propping up the north wall, for a month now. Huzzah! I thought ... we'll be done by noon, and I can still get in a good workout ... exchange a top at the dreaded mall ... accomplish some more readin/writin/relaxin a la yesterday ...

Seven hours and one six-pack later, the damn thing finally worked. Matt may have intimate experience with this particular variety of mechanism, but he forgot to take my crumbling, far-from-square old structure into account. A few trips to the hardware store and an afternoon of sitting around later (and that six-pack he drank in the process!), and I prob'ly saved only about $20 off the quote the professionals gave me several months ago. I didn't tell him that.

But here's one of the things I like best about my brother: Despite one setback after another, he didn't (except for a couple of self-directed f-bombs) complain once about the situation. He never does get uptight or annoyed. He just keeps trying to figure out how to solve the problem. And he's pretty upbeat about the journey.

This is not an inherited trait. How did he come to be so zen? Is it the High Life?

I was fairly zen myself this weekend, matter of fact. The rain turned my beds into a goopy clay mush, so no garden work as was the plan. I actually allowed myself to sink into relaxation mode, with only a modicum of guilt.

I feel grateful to have so many someones who are so willing to help. And grateful that my good fortune (despite my constant fears of falling into the financial abyss) allows me such luxuries as a garage door opener. I was getting along just fine on muscle power, but it will be nice to have as winter closes in (and it looks like I'll be braving another Nebraska winter). I've found I don't mind living without a lot of things I once considered essential ... a dishwasher, a savings account, a man ...

Peace, out.

Tomorrow is my first Peace Corps interview. The more steps I complete, the more excited I get. I really do see this happening. On Friday I signed up to volunteer with Nebraska AIDS Project to get some experience. The people there are so warm and lovely, I can hardly wait to hang out with them. After a weekend of training in early November, I'll be certified to do HIV testing; also hope to do education and outreach. They're just kind of reinvigorating their volunteer situation, so it seems a mutually beneficial setup. Symbiosis!

Quote of the day.

"Optimism is true moral courage."
-- Sir Ernest Shackleton

Uwei Bo Nua.

2007-10-11T22:08:00.000-05:00

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write that song name down.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Murder, Tonight, in the Trailer Park

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
I'm Not Afraid to Die

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Ladyfingers

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Sour Times

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
When Flagships Collide

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Dash 7

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Half a Person

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Horse Racing

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Think I'm Paranoid

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Jimmy

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Shining Star

WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING?
Into the Open

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Heart Full of Soul

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
I Will Survive

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Crown of Love

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
All That Innocence

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
If You Were the Woman and I Was the Man

WHAT DOES YOUR WORK/SCHOOL EXPERIENCE ENTAIL?
Song for Innocents

WHAT IS YOUR ROMANTIC SIDE LIKE?
Pa' Todo el An~o

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU?
Untitled 7

WHAT WILL YOU REPOST THIS AS?
Uwei Bo Nua

Nicked from Miz Nealy ... hers came out eerily prescient ... mine not so much. Obviously, I didn't cheat and find the "perfect" song! A couple of funny ones, though ... what *do* I think of my friends?!?

Bed, book and candle.

2007-10-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

These nights, dark already by the time I'm home, confuse my biorhythms. Only 8 p.m. and I want to drink soup, curl under an afghan, read long classic novels. And so I do. Never mind it's 65 degrees out and not all *that* dark. Practicing my hibernation skills.

Only practicing, though. Not down for the winter count yet.

Maybe now they'll make passes?

Been a long time since I got new glasses ... not sure how I feel about them yet ...

And new bling from Tsuru, the adorable new shop on 14th:

Best news of the day.

Miz K calls me all shrieking this afternoon. Turns out our idol, Neko Case, is performing in Tucson the night after I get there for my birthday visit. Are we going? Oh, hell to the yes!

Related trivia note: Which Neko Case disc was recorded in Tucson? Tell me the answer and I'll buy you a ... hmm, don't know any local-to-Tucson brews. OK, I'll buy you a tequila shot.

Worst news of the day.

Geez, take your pick:

1) Mass rapes in Congo.

2) More civilians dead due to more contractor clusterfucks in Iraq.

Or, and not at all to make light of those ...

3) The idea of me in a wetsuit, which that surfer boy in Austin intimates may be in my near future ...

Meanwhile, in Nigeria ...

The New York Times says the country's all ducky now that Yar Adua's in charge ...

Human Rights Watch, on the other hand, says Nigeria's democracy has been "hijacked" by rampant government corruption.

And peace worker Judith Asuni is still being held, without bail, on espionage charges, without being able to answer the accusations nor even know the details of the government's "case."

Quote of the day.

"When the best-case scenario is still bad, over-analyzing the situation is a waste of your time."
-- Catty Girls Advise

Laugh of the day.

Walked into the news meeting this afternoon and suddenly realized I'd had my sweater on backwards all day. Did I bother to change it? No, I did not.

New phrase of the day.

Apparently, according to my cuz in the HR biz, the term is no longer "passive-aggressive," since there's usually nothing passive about it. Now it's known as "covert-aggressive." I don't know why I like this so much. Or I do know, but I'm certainly not going to tell you.

Currently reading: "The Good Earth," Pearl Buck
Currently hearing: 12 Girls Band (goes well with the novel's China theme)

My day.

2007-10-04T16:39:00.000-05:00

Day off from work.
Extra-long workout.
Healthy lunch at Blue Orchid with one of my favorite cousins.
Fingerprinted at the Lincoln Police Department.

The fingerprinting was for my Peace Corps application. The woman making the prints was so chatty and adorable and messy. I wish I'd had my camera with me.

Then I got coffee at Cultiva so I could chat with the owner, who thanks to an article in Monday's Journal Star I just learned is a former Peace Corps volunteer. He was so enthusiastic about it -- he worked with farmers in Honduras. I'm newly inspired. He's also passionate about making sure coffee farmers and workers get a fair price for their work, so throw your coffee biz his way!

This evening I'm off to a Peace Corps info session on campus. Expecting further inspiration.

Sarahndipity.

Thanks to hearing her interview yesterday on "Fresh Air," I remembered to tune in last night to the season opener of "The Sarah Silverman Program." (My treat for driving to Schuyler, giving a presentation on Nigeria to my dad's Rotary club, driving home, cleaning house like a maniac and falling, exhausted, onto the sofa.) The Nation online has a good review of Silverman's humor. Me, I'm definitely in the "love her" camp. The reason her humor makes us so uncomfortable is because of how accurately she mirrors our culture. To laugh at her racist jokes is to laugh *at* the racists, not *with* them. Using humor to belittle what should be brought down. Me, I'm OK with that.

Linguatastic.

Who was it who suggested this collection of Geoffrey Nunberg essays on linguistics? BlankPhotog? Longstinger?

Whoever it was, thank you! I'm enjoying it. Deftly, gently humorous and good-humored take on words and culture. A relief after some heavier stuff I've been reading lately.

No more 69.

Much as it pained me to change my coveted "69" (heehee) number of friends on MySpace, I just had to honor a friend request from Bittybox, a Cali singer/songwriter with a badass voice and sensibility. Check her out!

Signs of fall.

1) The sweater I treated myself to yesterday at Stella. A lovely, mustardy yellow cardigan, hipsterized with blousy sleeves and a swingy cut.

2) First bath of the season last night, in a freshly scoured tub. To me, baths are a winter thing; they're about relaxing, not cleansing. (I'm weird/anal enough that I'll often shower first.) The luxury of steaming hot, scented water, a glass of wine, a good book. A long soak that loosens all my tight ends, muscular and mental.

Today, of course, it's back to mid-80s and stickily humid. I don't like that. I do like fall, except as a harbinger of winter.

Things that made me happy today.

2007-10-02T21:18:00.000-05:00

1) Finally compiling all the materials for my Nigeria presentations this week and next. I've heard Bill Clinton gets $30k a pop for such gigs. But then, I'm not sure he's played the Schuyler Rotary Club or my mom's PEO circle. I'll be lucky to get a meat-free meal.

2) Finally making contact with someone from the Nebraska AIDS Project, in hopes of finding satisfying/worthwhile volunteer work.

3) Hearing that, despite the national efforts of an anti-choice minority, a new Planned Parenthood clinic is open and serving women and families in Aurora, Colo.

4) Teva's keeyooot new line of fall shoes made entirely of post-consumer recycled materials. (My favorite = the Riley)

5) Reading Anita Hill's bitchslap to Clarence Thomas over his revisioned version of history.

6) Coming up with the bright idea (pun intended) that just because there's no official plan to make Lights Out San Francisco a nationwide event, that doesn't mean we can't celebrate on our own! Mark your calendars: Oct. 20, 8-9 p.m. You can live without electricity for one lousy hour, can't you? Candles and quiet and all that might bring into your life? Try it! Let me know how it works!

7) Subsequently realizing I'll be in Austin for Lights Out. Pretty sure I can live without electricity for one hour, even in a strange city.

And things that made me sad. And mad.

1) Hearing Seymour Hersh on "Fresh Air" talking about the devastating consequences likely if the current regime keeps beating its worn-out ol' war drum on Iraq. Pay attention now, people. The national spin is rotating in that direction.

2) Learning that Judith Asuni, one of the peace activists we met with in Nigeria, is being held by the government there on trumped-up espionage charges. Apparently, she helped some German documentary filmmakers gain access to rebels in the dangerous oil delta. She has done so much to illuminate the plight of this devastated region of a poverty-stricken country ... the charges can't be anything but a trumped-up way to get a muckraker out of the way. But I can't find any new information, and I am worried for her safety.

3) Reading this article about working conditions for Brazilians fueling the ethanol industry. Does any of this fuel trickle up north? Do I support this when I buy the ethanol blend here in Nebraska? I hope not. Bad enough that using ethanol supports yet more pesticide use and subverts the possibility of switching to far more logical/economical/efficient switchgrass.

And what of feeling happy or sad?

Here's an odd little story about a study that finds people who are used to being happy end up just having higher expectations for happiness.

"When good things happen, they don't count for much because they are what you expect. When bad things happen, you temporarily feel terrible, because you've gotten used to being happy."

Hmm. This gives me much to navel-gaze over.

As does this:

Quote of the day.

“The value of the dwelling is in the dweller.”
-- Idries Shah, Sufist author

"The purpose of freedom is to free someone else."

2007-09-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

-- Toni Morrison

(BBC photo)

Easy things you can do to show the world is watching the military's treatment of the people of Burma/Myanmar:

Sign this petition that will be sent to the United Nations.

If you're on Facebook, join the group to Support the Monks' Protest in Burma.

And if you're in Lincoln, Nebraskans for Peace is sponsoring a vigil Saturday at 5 p.m. at 15th & O streets.

I melt(down) with you:

Ryan Adams has meltdown at Minneapolis concert

Love your songwriting, Ryan, but get a grip -- read the above to see what's really worth melting down over.

Out of the (trash) bag

NPR/Marketplace is launching a series on our unsustainable (in so many senses of the world) consumer economy. Cohost Tess Vigeland has been hauling her own garbage around for a week, drawing attention to the humongoid pile of waste each of us creates, every single day. You can join the trash challenge, if you dare. I have to admit I don't.

Quote of the day:

"I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly."
-- John Dorian

Shine on.

2007-09-26T22:25:00.000-05:00

Mr. V called all the way from Germany today, a nice lift in an otherwise long and stress-filled workday. He'll get back to the States about a week before I head down to Austin. Music, motorcycles, Bastards and bicycles built for two. Can I get a woohoo?

If V hadn't reminded me, would I have known to look up at the harvest moon on the drive home this evening? I like to think I couldn't possibly have missed it, all vivid orange lurking behind looming, mysterious clouds. I so wanted to capture it, but my point-and-shoot will NOT take nighttime photos.

Random Miss Cellanea

1. My corporate stock is down below $15/share. Been hovering in the $16-$17 range for a good six months now. A year ago, and for long before that, it was at least $30. A sign of the times in the industry ... just when I need the cash ...

2. Hearing Kevin Smith kick trivia ass on "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" last weekend (thanks, Miz K!) led me to his blog, "My Boring-Ass Life," which is appropriately named. Would I waste my celebrity wealth on crashing on the couch in my wooby shorts watching DVDs all day and night? No, I would not. I don't even do that now. Then again, I'm not a brilliant filmmaker. I guess it counts as research/education. I've downloaded the podcast, too, but haven't listened to it. I subscribe to, like, a dozen, but I almost never listen ... the constant dialogue in my own head seems to keep me busy enough ...

3. I am cautiously optimistic about the situation in Myanmar (Burma). Six months ago, such large-scale demonstrations would have been unthinkable. But I think (hope?) international awareness has finally put it beyond the junta's control. Despite today's violence, the regime has to know that the world is watching and would (will?) step in if (when?) they try to crack down in a big way. Could real revolution possibly be brewing? Bloody as it likely would be, I hope so. I hope the people of Burma get the freedom they so deserve. I hope Aung San Suu Kyi has a few years of democracy ahead of her ...

4. I am still discovering the many ways I miss Miz K. Reason No. 567: I no longer have a regular drinking buddy! I so miss going out for cocktails and gossip. Or margaritas and mayhem. Or beer and Bastards!

5. Another thing about fall ... I actually love this time of year but hate to admit it. Open windows (could do without the constantly whining kids next door, though), crisp fresh air, nature starting to crunch underfoot, the vague smell of decomposition as nature's ashes go back to ashes. Sweaters. Suede boots. I'm ready for them, but ...

But it just means winter is coming. And I can't seem to put it out of my mind and just enjoy what is Now. Which leads me to ...

Mantra of the day:

Live in the moment ... live in the moment ... LIVE IN THE MOMENT ... must learn to live in the moment ...

Picture perfect morning.

2007-09-23T23:03:00.000-05:00

I was one badass bitch on the bike this morning; must've been equinox energy. Drove to the trailhead 'cause I thought I had only 20 miles in me ... but at Eagle I was feeling so good I just kept going and did 30 after all.

I've never ridden with my iPod before. I know it's dangerous, but damn! it was fun. I usually prefer the quiet crunch of my wheels on crushed limestone, the breeze and birdsong as soundtrack, but this morning I was singing to the wilderness at the top of my lungs. On shuffle, no less (though I skipped anything that wasn't hard and fast).

Windy on the way back -- gusts to 30 mph! -- but I sliced through it like butter. Great ride. Though I missed an overseas call that I might've heard if not for the iPod, and that was a bummer.

The trail is lovely, summer's greens turning to fall's orange-yellow-browns. Wisht I'd brought my camera.

This afternoon I added some pansies and mums to the front steps. We'll see if they take.

Currently reading:

"The Middle of Everywhere: The World's Refugees Come to Our Town" by Mary Pipher

Recommended by the lovely volunteer coordinator at the People's Health Center, a low-income clinic that serves Lincoln's many refugee populations. Lincoln is one of the top 10 refugee sites in the United States. Bosnians, Vietnamese, Iraqis, Sudanese, Kurds all have substantial burgeoning populations here. Pipher gives detailed insight into the multiple ways newcomers are overwhelmed by their new home. Never mind being dropped into a dingy apartment in a strange city where you can't understand the language. Imagine all that plus not knowing such social norms as daily bathing, what a toothbrush is, not knowing even how to turn on a light or a faucet. Just for starters.

Unfortunately, I don't think that volunteer position is going to work out. I need to find work where I'll have actual contact with people, instead of just filing paperwork. Trying to get the Nebraska AIDS Project to return my calls ... but this book has me wondering about what Pipher calls "cultural brokers" ... who help individual families learn to acclimate to their new society. I wonder if that'd qualify for my Peace Corps work?

Impatient? Me?

2007-09-21T19:49:00.001-05:00

Suddenly the morning glories have taken to flowering after all. They're supposed to be solid summer bloomers, but whatever; take what you can get when you can get it, I always say. Nothing prettier than a blue flower.

Sensory overload

With all the money I don't have in my bank account, I went on a bit of a music binge this week. To wit:

"Breathing Under Water," Anoushka Shankar with Karsh Kale (daughter of Ravi, half-sis of Norah Jones, haunting Indian melodies/instruments with a distinct fusion flavor)

"Kala," M.I.A. (Sri Lankan female hiphop ... I'd meant to get this when it came out a couple years ago, but listening to her new disc just made me want this one even more ... a bit rougher around the edges)

"Betty Davis," Betty Davis ('70s funk that's like Macy Gray meets jazz meets disco ... thanks to Miz K for turning me on to her, but HOW could I never have heard of her before???)

"This is Trip-Bop," Fez Dispenser (globally ethereal trip-hop, thanks again to Miz K, but PLEASE stop introducing me to new music!! I can't afford it! "Rock on, girl!")

"Another Fine Day," Golden Smog (former side project of Jeff Tweedy and one of the Jayhawks)

"Please Panic," The Vulgar Boatmen (think I found them via NPR's "All Songs Considered" ... mid-'90s postgrunge, almost Wilco-y poplike, at least to my ear ...)

"The Very Best of The Last Poets," (so you thought the Sugar Hill Gang invented rap? Then you need to hear this spoken-word-over-bass-beat from the late '60s / early '70s. Afros and all. The revolution comes!")

"Mezzanine," Massive Attack (more older, layered, ethereal trip-hop ... what can I say? It's the mood I'm in lately...)

In my defense, most of these were used discs, so I'm just saving them from the landfill, right? Still, if my ears were my stomach, they'd be all bloaty right now ... must learn to pace myself ...

I "love" this "blog"!

The Associated Press had a story today on this blog devoted to "unnecessary" quotation "marks."

Which links to other bloggers obsessed with: misuse of the word "literally"; people who leave passive-aggressive notes; and signs in all caps except for the letter "L."

Sadly, the link to a blog about my own pet peeve, misused apostrophes, doesn't work.

Who knew so many could be so obsessed about such minutiae?

Copy editors of the world, untie!

And now, the news

Too lazy/chickenshit to blog politics, so I'll just link. If you haven't heard this shit already, then you're not paying enough attention ...

Student charged with wearing fake bomb (aka a T-SHIRT) to airport

No bail for Jena Six teen

Judge denies Planned Parenthood's request to open clinic

That number again is ...

As of this moment, I have 69 friends on MySpace ... heehee ...

The tables have turned

So it's 10 p.m., I'm nearly through my third High Life and waiting for my parents to come home. How's that for a 180? They're staying with me this weekend for my dad's 40th dental school reunion. I'm resisting the urge to shriek "And just WHERE have you BEEN?" when they come home ... meanwhile, after they leave, I'm going to have to fumigate to rid the place of my dad's aftershave and that just plain old-people smell. How sad ... my folks are old!

What's the story?

2007-09-16T18:10:00.000-05:00

Morning glory vines go crazy everywhere I plant them ... horribly invasive. Yet they practically never flower. Here's one, of a handful. Such a pretty purpley-blue, they're almost worth the trouble.

I've heard it's possible to develop allergies, and I'm afraid that's what I've gone and done. Suddenly this fall, working in the yard brings on such an eye-tearing, nose-tickling, multiple-sneeze-inducing, head-heavying sensation that I can hardly stand it.

A bout of babysitting the niece and nephews this weekend. Ryan, at 17 months, is heavily into an "I won't smile, and you can't make me" phase.

Family obligations cut into my weekend, making me feel as if I'd wasted my entire Saturday. Sad that I see it as wasted when I spend time with people who love me, instead of getting minutiae crossed of my "list."

But I did manage to check off two biggies:

1. I sent off the Peace Corps application. Now to tackle phase 2, the preliminary medical questionnaire, and to find appropriate volunteer experience.

2. With my remaining United miles, I booked a trip to Austin in October. Between that trip and Tucson in November, I have much to look forward to in the short term ... spending time in cool places, with very cool friends.

Thoughts for the day:

1.

2.

When women stop carrying
mirrors with them
everyplace they go
maybe then
they can talk to me
about
liberation
-- Bukowski

3.

What is past is prologue.
-- Shakespeare, by way of Miz K

4.

Beer is proof that god loves us & wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

5.

You gotta drop to juggle.
-- Mark, by way of Vance

Altoona, all the time.

2007-09-10T23:16:00.001-05:00

Drove to Altoona, Iowa, (near Des Moines) last weekend to hang out with Vance and the other Bastards. They were playing a huge Johnny Cash tribute at this new casino. I got to shake hands with Tommy Cash and hear some of Johnny's original backup bandmates.

But the highlight was definitely hanging out with a cute Bastard.

They played the Zoo Bar here in Lincoln on Thursday night, too ...

... and some of the chicas came out to play with me:

(from left: Amy; Joellen; me; Jill)

Miz K, you were so missed -- they did "Viva Las Vegas" just for us! You're the one who introduced me to those Bastards in the first place ... A little treat from the weekend is coming your way soon ...

Wish I could follow them on tour in Germany this month ...

Now it's on.

2007-09-02T18:44:00.000-05:00

Bust the lock off the front door
Once you’re outside, you won’t wanna hide anymore
-- Grandaddy

------------

Bigger adventures to come, I hope (more on that below), but for today, at least, I am exactly where I want to be: On the patio, surveying my domain over a High Life. It's been a much-needed day of solitude -- a 20-mile ride this morning, followed by several productive hours in the garden ... clearing out weeds, clearing up the soul. Quiet, sunny but not hot, dirty fingernails ... perfect.

Here's another late-summer garden shot:

Seems like it looks more impressive in photos than it does in real life. Maybe that's true of many things? Good to remember.

------------

I've just sent off a resume and cover letter to the Cambodia Daily, an English-language daily in Phnom Penh. Have I mentioned this before? I applied on a whim just before I moved to New Hampshire; when they actually offered me the job, T and I discussed moving there together, but in the end I turned down the job and went not quite so far east. Always regretted it. A colleague on my Nigeria trip, it turns out, worked there a decade ago; he had high praise for the paper and said I likely hadn't burned any bridges. We'll see.

As for the Peace Corps application, it's ready to go as soon as I can make contact with my recruiter in Denver; I have some technical questions I need to get answered before I hit Send.

Found a copy-editing position in Abu Dhabi this week ... but I think that may be too repressive an environment for me. Can't really see myself wearing a hijab.

What might rise to the top? I have no idea yet. I'll miss this little life I've created for myself. But I'm ready for another, bigger one.

-------------

Though it's been mostly solitary (by choice), the weekend was punctuated by some charming get-togethers with friends. I finally met my online friend vmh (author of this lovely, poetic blog) in person on Friday afternoon; on Saturday I met Meleeska and mini-Meleeska at Jones Coffee; just got off the phone with my new buddy Vance in Austin, who'll be coming this way this week before leaving on a monthlong tour of Europe. Come see his badass band at the Zoo on Thursday, and I'll buy ya a drink!

------------

Oh, and I'm reviewing Edwidge Danticat's new memoir, "Brother, I'm Dying," which comes out next month. Left until age 12 in Haiti with her pastor uncle while her parents forged a new life in New York, she draws on much of her early life in her amazing first novel "Breath, Eyes, Memory." "Brother" recalls her early life, punctuating it with her father's fatal illness and her uncle's detention, in post-9/11 America, while visiting on a routine visa ... he dies without charges (as there are none to bring) and without the medication he desperately pleads for, in vain. I haven't read far enough yet for details, but that's enough to enrage me, once again, at how far we've come from the values we supposedly hold so dear.

And the second chapter's title a question we all should ask ourselves now, before it's too late: Have You Enjoyed Your Life?

Welcome to the Lincolndome.

2007-08-29T10:47:00.000-05:00

I am giggly like a schoolgirl. The legendary Chuck D is speaking in Lincoln next month! Besides having a huge crush on him back in the day (those guns for arms, that booming voice), I've always liked what he says in his music. If I want to feel pissed off or worked up, I listen to PE.

It's a free symposium, Wednesday, Sept. 12 at Wesleyan. Who's in?

------------

I'm no big Jim Carrey fan (except for "Spotless Mind"), but I'm a HUGE fan of Aung San Su Kyi, the Burmese rights activist who has been imprisoned for some 20 years now. So I'm glad to see some mass support being organized to try and finally secure her release.

I can't get the YouTube video to post properly, but here's a link.

------------

Andrew Sullivan has a good blog at The Atlantic on the Larry Craig brouhaha.

What makes me so angry about Craig is that here is someone who typecasts gays as The Other, instead of supporting equality. He has built a career on promoting "family values" -- unless, of course, you're gay, because then you don't have a right to marry or share benefits or, really, come out of the closet (or the bathroom stall, as the case may be).

If he and others had used their congressional power to support equal rights for all, then perhaps repeated generations of men wouldn't feel so ashamed of who they are that they feel forced to resort to anonymous bathroom sex. Instead, he's perpetuating the exact stereotype that got him into the hot water in which he now finds himself.

While I hurt for those who feel they have to hide their real selves, I can't dredge up much sympathy for someone who held the power to change that, for himself and for others, and failed to exercise it.

------------

Couldn't' sleep last night (second night in a row), so I popped "Stranger Than Fiction" into the DVD player. It didn't get good reviews when it came out, but I found it enchanting. (Maybe because I was in and out of sleep/dreams as I was watching?) Definitely a film that captures the short story form. And not your typical Will Ferrell flick, though I like those, too ...

Dismal revisited.

2007-08-27T09:43:00.000-05:00

Here, courtesy photog extraordinaire Mark Davis, is a shot of Korb and me shooting the "rapids" on the Dismal a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't exactly the 30-foot waterfall I'd been envisioning.

-------------

I've updated links to the left. 'Specially want to direct y'all to Miz K's new blog from Tucsonland. Send some love her way!

http://kristaniles.wordpress.com/

-------------

Currently hearing: "Electric Version," New Pornographers

The new Rilo Kiley made me think to drag out this 4-year-old disc. I didn't like it much when I bought it, either ... mostly because it was so poppy and didn't make nearly enough use of Neko's haunting voice. So maybe there'll be hope for "Under the Blacklight" making my rotation eventually ... I'm just not loving it right now ...

Shake yur "Moneymaker."

2007-08-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

-----------

The best part of buying the new Rilo Kiley was discovering that Charlie Burton now works at the Homer's out by Gateway. I'd worried about him when the downtown store closed.

No, wait -- the best part was when Charlie Burton tossed in a free 45 of "Moneymaker." I'll have to drag out my turntable!

"Dreamworld" sounds a bit Garbage-y to me; "Moneymaker" is downright Top 40. I knew going in that it was more polished/poppy than their earlier discs ... but it also feels a bit less passionate. Even so, that Jenny Lewis voice ... it's one of those that's tied, in my mind, to a difficult period, and even though the music is new, I'm still finding her a bit difficult to hear ... when, exactly, does all this mental linkage stop?

The pic, btw, is by Al Schaben, who I believe was a few years behind me at UNL's illustrious J-School. If only I hadn't done so badly in Photojournalism 1 ... maybe I too could be photographer to the celebrity indie stars! ...

------------

Before Monday night's storm, the big backyard bed looked like this:

Now the morning glories are no more ... dragged down by the heavy winds, killing the copper trellis as well and smushing coleus and grasses in the process of falling over. Lucky that's the extent of my damage; Miz C lost a pretty young maple in her front yard. We'll see what the current storm does ... a sonic boom of thunder just now ... power was out for about an hour ... the rain itself is gentle and cool, though ...

In other garden news: No more tomaters: The battered plant has died back. They were purty -- and sweet! -- while they lasted ...

Free-form bouquet of zinnias and shastas from the backyard:

------------

I found Miz Em's story on my computer ... the one she was writing while we were hanging out at the Blue Line in Omaha a few weeks ago. I think you'll agree it's a compelling read:

One scary night a dog named carmel went to a coffee shop to see what is going on in there. So he saw his own brother doing he did not see me because I am small for his age his brother stood up and he went to the boys room. He came in and said hi,to his brother His brother was mad at him so they talked until they had to go home. So his brother telled his mom what happened at the coffee shop when Carmel went to bed. In the morning he tried to beat his brother to the paper and he did. He saw a cat so he chased it. He saw his friend Budderball, Rosebud, and there brother LUCA.Budderball was here for Carmel. Rosebud was here for Alana. LUCA was here for D.C. CARMEL and Budderball were spying on the girls and the boys. Carmel spyed on the Girls. Budderball spyed on the boys. The girls were playing with Alanas dolls. The boys were hearing Gwen Stephani. Then they went to Carmels room to play. Then they all went to the park then Carmel and everyone got into a circle so they told everyone what they did at home. When they went to school they told everyone almost in the entire school

... To be continued?

Meanwhile, she came back from our weekend all jazzed about going vegetarian -- with no prompting from me, I swear. Her folks have their hands full, raising an 8-year-old full of opinions and convictions ...

------------

Just passing this info along, folks ...

Solidarity March And Vigil To Be Held For Injured Lincoln Activist
Alex Svoboda

This Sunday, August 26, 2007, the Nebraska Coalition for Peace and Nebraskans for Peace will be sponsoring a march and vigil in solidarity for Alexandra Svoboda starting at 12:30 PM on the north steps of the Nebraska State Capitol.

Svoboda, formerly of Lincoln, was seriously injured on August 11, 2007 while being arrested by the North Providence, Rhode Island Police Department during a peaceful protest against labor practices of a New York food distributor used by a local restaurant.

She suffered severe injuries, which have required three vascular surgeries thus far to save her left leg. Orthopedic surgery is on hold to repair her knee ligaments.

The march in Lincoln coincides with a similar peaceful rally in North Providence the same day. Family members and local labor activists will speak briefly before the rally heads north on Centennial Mall to the south side of the federal building on “O” Street where a vigil in support of Alex will be held.

“We need to stand up in support of Alexandra and other peaceful activists who are victimized while exercising their first amendment rights,” said Nick Svoboda, brother of Alexandra.

Svoboda’s injury while peacefully protesting highlights the struggle still faced by many citizens in our nation. The Nebraska Coalition for Peace and Nebraskans for Peace urge all communities of activists to join in supporting peaceful demonstrations and actions by citizen activists.

nfpOmaha@NebraskansForPeace.org
www.NebraskansForPeace.org

------------

Just passing this along, as well ...

U.S. Out of Iraq march and rally
11 a.m. Sept. 15
15th and P streets
www.fmclincoln.org/Coalition_for_peace.htm

------------

I have a blog I want y'all to read. An old friend/former coworker is in the military and has been serving in Kandahar. (Actually, she's on her way home right now but expects either to be sent back to Kandahar or to go to Iraq soon.)

psychosomatic sunburn

As you can imagine, she needs to be fairly anonymous/circumspect in any criticism of the government/military. But she makes some astute points about how things are working (or not). And she's a phenomenal photographer and has posted several heartbreaking stories about what she's seen/documented. You'll learn from her -- trust me.

------------
Currently reading: Moloka'i by Alan Brennert

Currently hearing: "You Are Free" by Cat Power (at Meadowlark Coffee, which just proves how very hipster they are 'round her!)

------------

Traveling backward.

2007-08-20T22:55:00.000-05:00

------------

Here's a good look at the oil flares in Nigeria, the environmental destruction they cause and the villagers desperately seeking to eke out a dollar or two from the pipelines that bring us the energy behind our overbuilt SUV lifestyle:

A free-for-all over oil money in Nigeria

Meanwhile, it doesn't sound as if Oaxaca has recovered from the state's smackdown on teachers and tourism of a couple of years ago:

Oaxaca Journal: Amid conflict hype, the southern Mexico city's tourist trade is hit hard

Check out these photos of the local folk arts, and help out if you feel the call:

Friends of Oaxacan Folk Art

------------

In case you haven't been following the story of Alex Svoboda, the former Lincolnite whose leg was badly broken by police during a labor protest in Rhode Island, here's a link to the International Workers of the World posting on the protest. It's a bad break -- you can see from the pictures that her calf was bent backward at the kneecap. She doesn't have health insurance.

------------

Question of the day:

So do you suppose Bush is using his vacation time to get fitted for a new fist? Or is Karl Rove using his newfound free time to get his fist fitted for a new, um, puppet?

------------

Creepy ad of the day:

The way-too-happy circle of men strumming guitars and crooning "Viva Viagra!" to each other completely icks me out. BSOJC is back in town in a couple of weeks ... their version of "Viva Las Vegas" is one of my favorites, but I don't think I'll be clamoring for it this time ...

------------

Top two reasons to look forward to Tuesday:

1. The new Rilo Kiley release is out! It sounds a little poppier than their earlier CDs. Here's a review.

2. I'm on vacation the rest of the week ... finishing up my PC app; gardening if it's not too hot; accepting drink dates from friends ...

------------

Far from Dismal.

2007-08-15T22:41:00.001-05:00

No, I didn't drown ... not on the river, anyway. (Feel like I'm being sucked back in by the undertow of daily life, but that's another long, boring story.)

Here I am taking the last swig of the blackberry brandy* my Uncle Mike ordered me to bring as an offering to the river gods (which immediately endeared me to the group):

*tastes like cough syrup -- ick!

And a couple of shots of Jeff that completely crack me up:

Not bad for a disposable waterproof camera, but most of my shots are blurry and badly composed. Hoping the others might have better stuff to share; especially Mark with his fancy schmancy camera that I hope wasn't permanently ruined. Mine are on my Flickr page (see left) if you're interested.

Once I slipped out from under the high-stress anxiety that had been building up over several weeks, I was able to truly relax last weekend. And once Korb woke up and taught me how to paddle, I seem to have done a pretty dang good job, if measured by the fact that we didn't dump once all weekend.

The river was beautiful -- slow-paced and meandering, the occasional excitement of dodging downed trees, navigating switchbacks or pushing our way off of sandbars. Very pretty, bouncy rapids late in the first day; several numbingly cold springs that I couldn't bring myself to sink into. The cliffs maybe not as pretty as the Niobrara's, but it still feels like such different country than the Nebraska I've always known. My legs are pretty scratched up, but I think most of that is from blazing various pee trails along the bank.

Weathered a mother of a storm Friday night -- the others have been canoeing for 17 years and said it was by far the biggest storm they've had to ride out. Barrage of lightning-streaked, wind-rattling downpour from about 9 p.m. to 2 or 3 a.m. My tent stayed dry except for where the wind drove the wet in under my rainfly. And I've always cursed my wide-mouthed, dribble-inducing Nalgene bottles, but now I understand just what genius they are, as the storm forced me to learn how to pee in a cup. That wide mouth turns out to be the perfect size for full coverage.

Next up: My snowboarding cousin has just moved from Vail to Fort Collins and wants to know if I want to come hike a "14er" with them. I have no idea what that is, but I think that yes, I do want.

And, of course, Tucson late this fall!

Quote of the day (courtesy Miz K):

"Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember." -- Oscar Levant

How's that new president working out, anyway?

2007-08-08T09:41:00.000-05:00

For those of you wondering how the new government in Nigeria is working, here's a good article, from AP of all places:

Nigeria's new leader faces uncertainties

Cinching the corn belt.

If you're interested in food issues -- such as the choice between feeding the world or creating subsidies for ethanol and corn syrup for the all-American environmentally unsound and physically unhealthy lifestyle -- you might want to keep an eye on the current farm bill negotiations.

Here's a good mini resource for contacting your elected representatives.

My kind of blonde joke.

A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines.

The lawyer persists: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention; to keep him quiet, she agrees to play.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his laptop to search references. He uses the Air phone; he surfs the Web and e-mails his smartest friends, all to no avail.

After an hour of searching, he gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. Desperate to know the answer to her riddle, he asks: "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Where in the world have I been?

2007-08-06T22:38:00.000-05:00

Review of the Kingsolver book was in Sunday's Journal Star; check it out here. And if you happened to see the print version, please know that I neither designed the page nor have any control over it. Yegads ... a junior high yearbook editor would be embarrassed by that page!

------------

Next few days will be filled by packing and grocery-shopping for the canoe trip this weekend.

So many blog topics, so little time ... I'll get back on track soon. If I don't drown.

------------

Bored, lonely, tired.

2007-07-31T22:02:00.000-05:00

------------

So Miz K is gone. It's hard to get used to having the house to myself. (Easier to get used to having the fridge and the medicine cabinet!) I still keep expecting her to come in the back door. She's on a great new adventure ... she inspires me to get my own ass in gear on the adventure front, and I'm so looking forward to seeing Tucson for myself in November.

------------

The Divine Miz Em and I had our long-anticipated girlz weekend. Had to downgrade the terminology from "vacation" when I realized I couldn't afford to take her any farther than O-Town. 'Twas good, though; met her criteria of "vacation" -- a hotel with a pool.

After several trips in and out of said crowded hotel pool, I happened to catch a glimpse of my backside. My swimsuit bottoms are so old, they're worn to see through ... right down the crack. What to do but laugh?

Em was so enthusiastic about Henry Doorly Zoo ... "This is the best day ever!" she kept saying. She got a pretty good photo of one of the big cats:

Jam "Concentration" at Village Inn on a Sunday morning:

Miz Em slamming out a short story on auntie's Macbook at Blue Line Coffee:

------------

CodePink is holding actions in Omaha and Lincoln on Tuesday against Sen. Ben Nelson's votes on the Iraq war:

8:30 a.m.: Vigil in front of Nelson's office, 7602 Pacific St, Omaha; 9 a.m. Peace-In inside his office

4 p.m.: Vigil in front of Nelson's office, 100 Centennial Mall North, Federal Building; Lincoln, 4:30p.m. Peace-In inside his office, Room 287

------------

Joke of the day (credit Longstinger):

Q: what's a Wall Street Journal reporter's favorite
wine?

A: Rupert Murdoch's buying my paper, waaaaaah!

------------

Quote of the day (credit Miz K, and boy does this describe where I'm at):

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. -- Michel de Montaigne

------------

Legislating words.

2007-07-25T21:02:00.000-05:00

A couple of good takes on the Pamir Safi trial:

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1646133,00.html

http://sexinthepublicsquare.wordpress.com/tag/pamir-safi/

------------

K & B at the Dub ...

And with the delightful addition of Miz J -- we picked her up at the O-Town aiport Tuesday evening.

------------

In related news:

Too much is going on right now to post properlike. Miz K will be gone in two short days ... packing in last-minute fun, combined with the angst of knowing how much I'll miss that badass bitch; more dating attempts (most of them definitely misguided, others too soon to say); disturbing news from the East Coast; feeling like I haven't slept more than a few hours a night in about a week (maybe because I haven't) ... it's all adding up to an extra layer of emotions, a greasy film that won't wash off with the usual solvents. More soon. Love and peace to all -- namaste!

King of Afrobeat.

2007-07-18T23:23:00.000-05:00

Femi Kuti live in concert on All Songs Considered. Give it a listen!

I had the amazing experience of seeing him at the African Shrine in Lagos back in January. The energy and flow of his performances is something to be heard. His songs just keep feeding on themselves, expanding into a frenetic crescendo. It's a powerful thing.

Good chick, bad chick.

2007-07-15T22:47:00.000-05:00

Our favorite local ice-cream goddess Miz Amy made NPR's "Weekend Edition" !!! You can read/listen to her here:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11980712

The gist of the story is how dairy prices (among many other things) are going up because the demand for ethanol is driving up grain prices. Corn is far from the most efficient way to make ethanol, anyway.

Every time I drive (or, this morning, bike) past a cornfield, I wonder how many people we could be feeding if we weren't concentrating on ethanol and animal feed.

Go give Amy some love and treat yourelf to Ivanna Cone today!

------------

Thanks to yesterday's venture outside my natural habitat (I got groceries at the HyVee in the Stepfordurbia that is Williamsburg), I now have a terrible, terrible noise stuck inside my head.

If I were to make a mix list titled Songs That Have No Business Existing, "My Baby Takes the Morning Train" would be the intro, and maybe the outro as well. Bad enough that this pablum of a melody ever passed for popular music in the first place, but have you ever listened to the damn message? I remember when this stupid song came out ... even then, my barely pubescent self found it ridiculous to celebrate seeing your man off to work so he can buy you pretty baubles and take you dancing, while you just daydream about him all day. Snap out of the daydream, Sheena -- get a job and buy your own damn baubles!

This wasn't back in the 1950s, btw. This was the '80s! We were still hearing these messages when I was growing up, in the supposed heyday of feminism. (Today, of course, is so much better. Women of song lyrics no longer lie around waiting for their men to bring home the bacon ... their men are pimping them out as ho's and beeyotches ... )

Ugh! I can't get it out of my head! Damn you, HyVee and Sheena Easton! Damn your bland pop sensibilities!

------------

Another chapter by Miss Cellanea.

2007-07-13T23:39:00.000-05:00

Photo of the day:

Which doesn't exactly make me want to join the fight for a women's running of the cows, to compete with the running of the bulls at Pamplona.

------------

Hooeee, was this a disturbing movie!

Good soundtrack, though.

-------------

For the second time in a week, some cute boy has complimented and fussed over my badass bicycle. Now that is a benefit I hadn't considered when I bought it.

------------

The other day I spotted my first sweet corn stand of the season.

Then Miz Amy came by that evening with a lovely bowl of tomatoes from her garden ... cherries and "Fourth of July," which are simply perfect, sweet and meaty and just a bit bigger than a golfball.

Then I realized I must have tomatoes of my own ripening out by the fence. SO I went out and there they were. Seems like a week ago it was full of little yellow flowers with a little green ball here and there. Now the green balls are everywhere, several have started to color and a few are full-fledged red. I like to put them on the roof of my mouth, still warm from the sun, and squish them with my tongue. "Supersweet 100s" ... my all time favorite.

------------

Bad News: O Asian Garden has closed -- the whole thing, market, restaurant and all. My fault once again ... I haven't been there in ages, and hadn't even had a chance to try the sushi bar they put in over the winter.

------------

Also my fault: Thanks to my near-constant use, "ginormous" is now recognized by the fine folks at Merriam-Webster Dictionaries. What's next, fantabulous?

------------

Can anyone explain to me how one can accuse someone of rape, and be expected to testify without using the word "rape"? Anyone? Bueller?

----------

Back from the road.

2007-07-10T21:06:00.000-05:00

Miz K and I took a kickass driving tour of Nebraska over a three-day weekend. We took Highway 2, to see all the little towns (how can there be so many "towns" with fewer than 5o residents?) and so we could stop frequently to pee and refuel (Diet Coke, Dr. Pepper and pie).

Carhenge is totally worth the six-hour drive. The near-dusk light was perfectly eerie. The view from my dashboard:

Krista showed me how to frame this shot:

From Alliance, we drove up to Chadron State Park to camp for the night, setting up in the dark. The piney scent was lullabying. In the middle of the night the pine mixed with the smell of what we thought was leftover campfire smoke; in the morning we learned there'd been grass fires up on the Pine Ridge reservation.

From Chadron, we drove to Smith Falls State Park and set up camp there for the second night. It's "Nebraska's newest state park" and doesn't have much in the way of amenities. But it's on the Niobrara River, which I had never seen. Sunday was freaking hot, so we didn't do much but sit with our asses in the river water, drinking High Life.

Krista at Smith Falls:

On Monday morning we set up an impromptu, short Niobrara tubing expedition, just a couple of hours before we had to head back to Lincoln. The river is so beautiful, and so utterly quiet. Stark bluffs topped by forest. It's like a whole 'nother Nebraska from the one I know. I was afraid to take my camera along on the river; then we got off and I complained that it would have been fine, nothing we brought got wet; then I dumped the cooler (which would've held the camera) into the river.

So no tubing photos. But here's a view from our campsite:

Mostly we spent our weekend just driving, snacking and talking ... perfect. K & I made good camping partners ... we don't mind getting dirty and smelly, we overpack for any situation, we can talk the virtues of roughing it even while listening to a "This American Life" podcast, scratching our mosquito bites and wishing we'd brought a pad to sleep on ...

------------

Road trip by the numbers:

Road trip iPod mixes: 2
Signs involving animals: ??? (Krista will have to fill this in, she was the official keeper of the animal signs list)
Tubing outfitters in well-worn Wranglers: 2
Tanks of gas: 3
Stops by state troopers: 1
Warnings instead of tickets: 1 (!!!!!)

------------

Here's a good road trip mix list:

Hit the Road and Go, Johnny Cash
The Truck Song, Lyle Lovett
Interstate Cannonball, Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash
Another Traveling Song, Bright Eyes
Passenger Side, Wilco
Dirt Road Blues, Bob Dylan
Lonely Road, Sarah Benck and the Robbers
Dashboard, Modest Mouse
Floorboard Blues, Cowboy Junkies
Car Wheels on a Gravel Road, Lucinda Williams
Ghost on the Highway, Exene Cervenka
Speeding, the Go-Go's
Devil in My Car, B-52s
King of the Road, REM
Let's Get Lost, Lloyd Cole
My Way Home, Citizen Cope

------------

My new mantra.

2007-07-06T00:12:00.000-05:00

"I dwell in possibility."

-- Emily Dickinson

------------
I particularly like these daylilies.

But bunnies have demolished my hollyhocks. I've coated the entire area with red pepper flakes as a deterrent. Limited success.

------------

Currently reading: "The Shia Revival: How Conflicts within Islam Will Shape the Future," by Vali Nasr ('bout time, huh, William?)

Currently listening: "A-Ma-Zone," Zap Mama

------------

Oops. I did it again.

2007-07-03T20:23:00.000-05:00

(The Richard Thompson version)

Last night's post burst forth in a fit of righteous indignation and misplaced belligerence.

If you know me, you know I have political opinions. It's not simply my right but my duty as a citizen.

However, for personal reasons, it's currently not smart for me to share them in a forum that could be perceived as public.

So if you're looking for political commentary here, you've come to the wrong place.

For now, anyway.

------------

I'm still looking for all y'alls summer soundtracks, though, so feel free to share them here.

And New Jersey, I'm still curious about you! Present yourself!

Summer soundtrack.

2007-07-02T23:17:00.000-05:00

------------

(this post has been edited to protect what's left of my own innocence)

------------

I have a handful of discs that I drag out every year ... they just say "summer" to me:

A-Ma-Zone, Zap Mama (funky/hot/laid-back)
The Baja Sessions, Chris Isaack (beachy/sexy)
LoveSneakDarkAction, Tom-Tom Club (sunny/happy)
Wild Planet, B-52's (funny/fun/nostalgic)

What's your summer soundtrack?

------------

The suspense is killing me.

Who the hell do I know in Bedminster, N.J.? Or, at least who in Bedminster knows me? I'm dying to know ...

------------

Those Bastards!

2007-06-24T22:40:00.000-05:00

Saw the Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash at the Zoo Bar on Monday night. Miz K's the one who turned me on to them a couple of years ago (that's her with the lead singer,). Dang! they were good, even better than last time we saw them. They didn't play "Viva Las Vegas," but they more than made up for it later. We had a great time meeting the band after the show.

This is Vance (and Elvis). Vance is very cool. Vance is very sweet. Vance lives in Austin.

Did I mention we had a really great time?

------------

Washington Post: Teen tests Internet's lewd track record

Stories like this infuriate me. This is a strong, talented, focused young athlete.

She also happens to be attractive. This is not the most important thing about her.

But someone snaps a photo of her in action and suddenly she has to fend off every perv in the blogosphere. And, even worse, it obscures what she *should* be getting noticed and celebrated for.

------------

Another pot combination I really like; the photo doesn't do it justice.

The pots look great, but the garden beds seem a little wilty under the hot weather of late. I'm impatient for everything to fill in and grow tall and look as I can envision it will when mature. I suspect I won't be here to see it through.

------------

I've painstakingly gone through past posts and deleted some references. Trying to keep private life and work life very, very separate. Let me know if you see anything else I should delete/edit in that vein ... ask me privately if you don't know wtf I'm talking about ...

------------

Currently reading: "Mexican Days: Journeys into the Heart of Mexico" by Tony Cohan

Currently listening: The Best of Chuck Brown

------------

Lazy afternoon.

2007-06-24T19:57:00.000-05:00

After a great (for me, anyway ... sorry, Korb! and glad you came, Krista!) bike ride (35 miles!) this morning, been spending the afternoon at Jones' Coffee, my new favorite coffee place. The owner is lovely and enthusiastic, the paint scheme and big windows make it cheery, and the coffee is fair trade. It's at 11th and G, next to DaVinci's ... go check it out for yourself!

(I'm a coffeehouse whore, I guess; I have no plans to give up my relationships with The Cup, Meadowlark or The Mill. Pretty strange for someone who claims not to drink coffee. Iced coffee is my gateway drug, I suspect ... I'll be freeloading espresso in no time!)

Mostly, this afternoon, I've been uploading more of my photos to Flickr. Finally bought a pro account so I can use it to organize all my photos and clear out my hard drive. Check it out often, as I plan to keep adding sets -- several years' worth to organize! -- whenever I have time.

------------

I've also just finished the Barbara Kingsolver book. Anyone who wants to borrow it, just let me know; I'm happy to push it on anyone who might be interested. The power of stats/facts about how much energy/waste it takes to produce all the processed food we consume, combined with an amiable, personal account of trying to jump offa that train.

Hers is a mammoth undertaking: Her family spent a year eating only food they'd grown/raised themselves or bought from local, organic farmers. Fascinatingly unattainable as that goal is, she isn't all preachy about it. Instead, she offers up a multitude of information and encourages the reader to attempt any viable changes. Start small, make the change a habit, don't get discouraged, keep expanding.

I've made some small but positive health/environmental changes in the past few months:

* Buying only organic milk -- free of bovine growth hormone, antibiotics, pesticides. (Kingsolver, btw, mentions a local pediatrician who is telling his patients to drink only BGH-free milk; since it's become the norm, he's seen a sudden and drastic increase in cases of early puberty.)

* Buying all my lettuce from Shadowbrook Farms at the Farmers Market, and buying as much other produce as possible from local/organic growers at the Market instead of the grocery store.

* Bringing my own mug to The Mill, etc., for iced coffee, etc. (no more styrofoam!)

* Using agave nectar to sweeten said iced coffee, instead of carcinogens/nutrasweet

* Biking (or walking) to/from work at least once a week.

One change I'm attempting but so far extremely annoyed with: Discontinuing the birth control pills. (It's been years since I had a "real" period. I want to get better about not putting extraneous chemicals in my body, but geez! I'd forgotten how annoying/uncomfortable this particular natural bodily function is.)

One change I really *want* to make but haven't taken the leap yet: Getting the Diet Coke monkey off my back.

------------

Speaking of Shadowbrook Farms: They're opening a restaurant later this summer! Bummer that it's way out at 56th and Pine Lake, but it sounds organic/healthy/original, and of course it's locally produced. I can't wait to try it!

www.shadowbrooksalad.com

------------

In less substantial news:

I am seriously thinking of chopping off my hair. I need a change; I think it looks dated. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I wouldn't be able to put my hair up ... but lately, I can't seem to put it up in any type of attractive manner.

On the other hand, I vainly/superficially worry about the Samson effect -- that chopping it off will eliminate all of my personality/attractiveness.

Entonces, I am taking a poll: What the hell should I do with my hair? Status quo, or a change -- and if so, what? All serious suggestions welcome!

Where the hell have I been?

2007-06-23T09:30:00.000-05:00

I know, I know ... I have some catching up to do.

-----------

I particularly like this combination ... lobelia, petunia and a chartreuse sweet potato vine.

And daylilies are starting. I don't remember the name of this one. JoEllen and I drove out to Sam Hill Gardens near Malcolm last fall for some sale daylilies.

------------

Stopped into LFSUB 'cuz the ladeez were holding a book for me. "Oh, I think she was saving this for you, too," Kirsten said, bringing this out from under the counter:

A bit moldy, but free ... Miz C knows me so well ...

------------

New study details sex habits, drug use

"The median number of lifetime female sexual partners for men was seven; the median number of male partners for women was four."

Umm ... let's just say I'm significantly above average.

Above-average is good, right??

------------

Study: First-borns are smarter

I sent this article to the little brother.

He wrote back: "That sounds like questionable journalism to me. Did anybody bother to verify the source?"

Told him that if he was too stupid to figure it out, maybe his eldest daughter could explain it to him.

------------

House OKs Lifting Contraception Aid Ban

Still has to go through the Senate ... and certain to face a veto. Where do your senators stand? Ask 'em!

------------

Another beer bites the dust

I'm, like, a decade late here ... but in looking up Blue Moon's new HoneyMoon seasonale, I discovered that Blue Moon is actually owned by Coors. You know -- the same Coors that has not only fought gay rights and union work in its own plants, but has given both financial and vocal support over the years to fighting gay rights, women's rights, civil rights ...

Here's just the tip of the iceberg.

I've drunk my last Blue Moon. Darn; it was good stuff. But now it would just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

------------

Miss Nealy, it was so good to see you ... I can't believe I have no photographic documentation of your visit! The boy seems wonderful ... and did anyone happen to mention that we have a job opening?? ;-)

------------

Finally, the previous posting was completely superfluous and solely for the purpose of earning this:

Cuz I don't wanna be no PG blog! Don't bring your kids to this one!

This blog is not (yet) rated

2007-06-23T07:46:00.001-05:00

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Rhymes with Becki.

2007-06-14T23:11:00.000-05:00

Today was the anniversary of the government crackdown that led to last summer's massive protests in Oaxaca. May it not happen again this year.

I dream of going back.

------------

Trudy Rubin is another of my living heroes. This column is the most astute I've read yet on the current troop surge v. insurgency in Iraq.

------------

Somehow the conversation at work this afternoon latched onto my desire to have a beer named after me -- a la Sweaty Betty.

"Huh," Aimee said. "Nothing really rhymes with Becki, does it?"

(Duh ... this is why I have no song named after me, either ... and yet Cinnamon gets two? Unfair!)

Blechy Becki was the first suggestion. Simultaneously unappetizing and unflattering.

Necky Becki ... with a particularly long neck. Possibly hits a bit closer to home.

My favorite: Flecky Becki. It would definitely have glitter involved somehow.

Note to Miz K: Must get Mark on this ASAP.

-------------

Wish I were there.

2007-06-13T21:49:00.001-05:00

Mexico City hosts largest ever Frida Kahlo exhibit

Mexico. Frida. Sigh.

----------

Events closer to home:

Nebraskans for Peace is celebrating the 62nd birthday of Aung San Suu Kyi at 6 p.m. Sunday at First United Methodist Church, 50th Street and St. Paul Avenue.

From the flyer: "The program will include “State of Fear”, a video examining the Karen people along the Thai/Burmese border as well as pro-democracy members in Rangoon. It also details the conditions of Aung San Suu Kyi’s house arrest and the persecution of her family and supporters."

Suu Kyi is a living hero. I'd love to see the movie -- it's not on Netflicks. I thought it coincided with a Peace Corps event I really want to go to ... but now I see that the Peace Corps thing is Saturday, not Sunday. Which means it coincides with RC Dub at the Zoo. Decisions, decisions ... maybe I can swing all of it?

------------

Milking it for all it's worth:

A few weeks ago I committed to buying only organic milk. It's no small thing for me -- it's twice the price of "regular" milk, and I drink a LOT of milk. But it's a relatively easy way to live my politics. And I don't want the BGH and antibiotics, either.

Check out the Bovine Bill of Rights at cowsunite.org. Cheesy (no pun intended), but inspiring.

------------

In other dairy news:

Beware the driver of your neighborhood ice-cream truck!